So, Amanda has a stalker...

[Mathias]

Long story short, she broke up with this guy over a year ago (we've been dating for 6 months), and he just hasn't gotten over it. He whines to her on the phone and by e-mail--wanting her back, etc...wishing she had gotten pregnant (they had a pregnancy scare), and general creepy crap.

She's tried telling him over and over again to stop that stuff--to stop calling, e-mailing, etc. What will make him go away? It seems to really bother her, and it's gotten to the point where ignoring him/etc. doesn't really work all that well.

[vashti]

I don't know if it's your style, but maybe you can ask her if she'd like you to speak to him. (No, not threaten him - yet - just in order to make your presence more "real" to him).

[Mathias]

I don't know if it's your style, but maybe you can ask her if she'd like you to speak to him. (No, not threaten him - yet - just in order to make your presence more "real" to him).

Nah. I think that would drive his craziness even more.

I have a feeling that he's eventually going to find me and talk to me as well, though. Just seems like the next logical step.

[Kromat]

There's always the police, for a restraining order.
Guys should get over it, it was't meant to be, so he should stop trying.
I would wish to be in a relationship, but i'll let it come naturally where the timing is right.

P.S. With all this wasted time, he could've annoyed a different girl or his self-esteem is low and it'll be hard for him to find someone else at this point.

Tell her to make a statement, to show him that he has no control over the situation.

Anyways, best of luck to the 2 of u, and hopefully it gets settled.

[GrkScorp]

I agree with Vash.., non-threatning confrontation is the best.., YOU should make it a priority to go up and talk to him.. face-to-face.., in person..

Tell him that you know what is going on.., that you're just there to talk.., and that you came there to tell him to stop.., that you find it disrespectful.., and that Amanda finds it uncomfortable.., and that he sould realize how wrong it also looks for him to be doing that and for everyone else to hear that he's that type of person.., it doesn't look good for him.., so hopefully he'll see that it's better off for everyone if he stops doing what he's doing.. and that you nor Amanda will hold it against him.., that you can both just put it behind you now.., as if nothing happened.., and just have things back to normal..

(truth be told.., Amanda is most likely the only girl he feels he stands a chance with.., and now that she's gone.., he feels he has nobody else.., and is looking to get her back.. so don't be shocked if he's not exactly too happy to be around you.., you are afterall who took that positive feeling away from him)

This is pretty creepy.., some guys.., shame on them.. pathetic really.. disgusting.., makes you ashamed to be a guy..

Best,

GrkScorp

[misombra]

tell her to stop responding to him.

[vashti]

How long did she date him?

[GrkScorp]

There's always the police, for a restraining order.

With people like that.., something like that could be enough to push them over the edge..

This isn't someone who is thinking rationally.., a restraining order is a piece of paper.., what is it going to do when you're in the shower and he's waiting outside the door? Are you going to tell him.. "hold on.., wait right there.., i'm calling the cops so they can enforce the restraining order I have against you!".. too late..

He needs someone to talk to him.., and get him grounded back into reality.., allow him to feel accepted and comforted to some degree.., no longer ashamed or rejected.. and after he's in a stable state of mind to talk.., he'll be more able to accept the reality.., that Amanda is no longer available.., that she's moved on and is with someone else..

But for now.., that's a reality he doesn't want to accept.., trying to force it down his throat isn't going to work.. you're going to need to approach this step by step.. just remember:

"You can win more with honey.., than you can with vinegar"

Best,

GrkScorp

[Mathias]

I agree with Vash.., non-threatning confrontation is the best.., YOU should make it a priority to go up and talk to him.. face-to-face.., in person..

Even though I've never met the guy?

[IndiReloaded]

tell her to stop responding to him.

+1

Tell her stop answering his calls & emails. Her attention is what is fueling him. But she should store them in a folder as proof she can use later (don't delete them just yet).

If she can block his calls & msgs even better.

If his calls are predictable, you can answer her phone & say she doesn't want to speak w/him if he calls. Polite but firm is the key.

If he seems mostly harmless but just isn't 'getting it', then you can let him know you are logging his calls & msgs & will go to the police in a week if he doesn't stop immediately. Be sure to use the word 'stalker' so he understand exactly what he's doing.

Failing that, you may have to kick his ass. This means he's nuts, btw, so bring some friends along.

Good luck.

[vashti]

She could also change her number if he won't quit calling her.

Is she scared? Or rather, just annoyed?

[misombra]

she likes it.

[Gigabitch]

You can't really do anything about it, M. Amanda has to do it. She's not setting her boundaries appropriately, and he's taking advantage.

She has to leave him nowhere to go. Not be rude, necessarily, but very firm. Not, "I understand how you feel, but I really think you need to move on, Stalkerboy." More like, "Don't call here again."

[misombra]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5H0wUo37RY"]YouTube - Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers - Don't Come Around Here No More[/ame]

[Mathias]

You can't really do anything about it, M. Amanda has to do it. She's not setting her boundaries appropriately, and he's taking advantage.

She has to leave him nowhere to go. Not be rude, necessarily, but very firm. Not, "I understand how you feel, but I really think you need to move on, Stalkerboy." More like, "Don't call here again."

This is where we last left it, actually. She told him flat out to stop.

He's e-mailed her twice since then and she hasn't responded, but this is just getting stupid.