I would like to say that i really need advice on this topic, and i mean REALLY. Be ready for a long post but i seriously appreciate people reading through and helping me solve my problem. Ill be posting pretty much everything that has happened between us in the hope ill get the best possible answer. (Something to note is that all the parts that involve party's include us both being drunk)
So i met this girl around 5 months ago now, we're in the same year at school, im 17 and she will be turning 17 in a month. Over the course of our time together i have fallen for this girl big time. When i first met her we spoke for about a month and had a few outings with my friend and his girlfriend, going bowling and to the cinema, also because we are at the same school we have spent virtually every lunch together with friends and by ourselves, as well as any free periods we have at the same time. Shortly after that first month a party came up and i decided to invite her along. My intentions were clear to everyone at the time that i wanted to make my move then and see what happened. I ended up finding out from my friend that she didn't like me that way. I was so damn upset that night it was unreal. I was sat with her very intimately that night while we talked about various things so i took it like she did still perhaps have some interest and that i had made my move too quickly. Despite my actions we still spoke every day, met up for lunch basically every day and just enjoyed talking and being with each other. After another month of this with maybe a few outings with my friend and his girl friend another party came up and sure enough i invited her along, i told her 2 days before the party that my feelings hadn't changed, i asked her how she felt about me and she said she didn't know and we came to the conclusion we would see how the party went and she would think about it. At this party i had my friend following her around the whole night and nearly had a fight with him, lost it with my close friend for getting a bit to personal with her and nearly had a panic attack when another guy took her outside to talk to her. I realised at this point just how much this girl means to me. During that party i left her for like half an hour while i sat with my friends in the corner of the garden and apologised and explained that i really liked her and was just loosing it a bit. She came over and said that she had spent ages looking for me around the whole house, i was staying over at hers that night so i didn't want to kick up a fuss in case it got awkward so we just danced the rest of the night and had a laugh. The next day i spent at hers and we had a really good time, when i got home i asked her if we could meet up the next day and talk about it all. When we got there i told her that i liked her but it was clear she didn't like me, that i was sorry for acting like a twat at the party and if all we can be is friends then things need to change because as things are now we spend way too much time together to just be friends, i also explained that i wouldn't just lose these feelings overnight and they would always be there i would just need to control them a little better. She hardly said anything other than acknowledge what i had said. However, after another two months or so of talking everyday and meeting up with her, things started to change, we were still spending lots of time together but it just felt like we were closer than before. Another party came around and i invited her to that, this time things really changed. We were sat together outside were the party was mainly taking place, our conversations before the day of this party were getting a little more flirty and i took this as a chance to make my move again and see what would happen. While we were sat i put my arm around her and started messing around with her underwear. Im not sure if people could see but she let it happen none the less, previously if i touched her a little too much or pushed it a little she would tell me to stop or take my hands off of her. This time though she let me keep going, after a while i started messing around with her underwear and moving up to her bra area, still she let me carry on. She started talking about dreams of hers that i had been in. She told me about 2 and they were just standard dreams that involved nothing to do with a relationship etc. But the last one she wouldn't tell me about, after some persuasion she told me that we kissed in this dream and she was really confused about it. I asked her to come into a room alone and she did. In that room we were sat very intimately again and i leaned in to kiss her, she smiled at me and looked a little scared. I told her softly to just go with it (im not a tall guy nor do i have any muscle so i can guarantee that she wasn't intimidated and had pushed me away previously if i touched her too much) and to see how it went, she leaned in back and we finally had our first kiss. We were both drunk so this kiss was a little different because i was so excited and ended up bashing her teeth twice so it wasn't anything romantic. That was the first time, after that she leaned in, grabbed my hand, put it on her breast and we kissed a second time. I think we kissed around 4 times over the course of half an hour and in the down time she was sat with her legs over mine with our heads close together while i was either touching her or kissing her cheek. During this, people kept opening the door and looking in to see what was going on. At one point another girl who i had previously spoken to came in and sat down next to us. She kept asking the girl i was with if everything was ok and that if she wanted her to stay she should give her a sign, she kept saying i don't mind if you stay. I ended up making her leave after starting to lose my temper a little and we just sat and spoke for a bit. Nothing else really happened that party but when i walked her home im pretty sure she was sober at this point as was i and we kissed again for a little outside her house (after i requested) and that was that. We went to London together the next day and when i tried to talk to her about it she said that she didn't regret doing it but i shouldn't tell anyone. I wasn't really sure what to take from that so i just left it. Since then things have been strange. I asked my friend who we hang out with to talk to her about what was going on, how she felt about me and whether she would want to move things into a relationship. She ended up saying that she didn't see us together like that. A few days after that, me, the girl, her best friend and her best friends boyfriend went to the cinema together. During the film we got closer and closer until she rested her head on my shoulder for a good amount of time, she moved up and said she had fallen asleep and shortly after did the same thing again while we had our hands on top of each other. That night i didn't talk to her about anything because it had gone so well. On the car ride back i held her hand i told her i had a really good time. After that night her best friend text her the night after saying that it wasn't any of her business but she thinks we should be together, that im going to treat her right and treat her fair, that we clearly have feelings for each other and we could have something special, people often say that she's better looking than i am and that's enough of a reason to not be together, when my friend asked her about it she said it wasn't a looks thing. The girl replied that she wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I rang her best friend before that, saying that i was so confused and i needed help with what to do because i like her so much and want to be with her but im not sure about anything anymore. She said that if she really meant that much to me i would do whatever i needed to do to be with her, that i deserve her and need to show her how much she means to me. That might have been the reason she sent the text although her best friend knows a lot about how i feel about what's going on so she has a clear grasp of the situation. I spoke to her very recently about where we stood and she said that she wasn't ready for that kind of commitment, that we would end up breaking up after a year anyway when we go to university and that we are just too good friends to potentially lose what we have already. I didn't have a lot of time to say what i wanted to because we were meeting up with other people but i tried to tell her that she could be missing out on something amazing, that the way we act now is basically a relationship and it wouldn't be weird at all and that her reason for not wanting it to be more is not good enough to stop this because it's got so far. She didn't seem confident in her argument and i text her about it shortly after we left. She then said that in a way she does feel like she's wasting a chance because im so lovely all the time and deal with all her crap. She's on holiday right now and texts me whenever she finds wifi but it's all been about her holiday and such, i don't want to upset her during her holiday. I'm not going to give up on this girl because her reasons are just too poor to mean anything to me, we have kissed, have a lot of intimacy and spend way too much time together for us to just be friends. What do i need to do here? im so confused and like her so damn much that all i want is to be in a relationship with her and i feel deep down she does as well. She said that she didn't want to kiss me but after she was slightly nudged into it she said she doesn't regret it, why? Because she must have liked it. Now she's saying she doesn't want a relationship but i feel if she was nudged into a slightly she wouldn't regret that either and im certain she has feelings for me otherwise she wouldn't have let it get this far. What should i do?