Heartbroken and confused. Am I making the biggest mistake of my life?

[confusedgay93]

Hello there everyone. I truly hope you can all help me. I understand this message is long but truly know that I am on the brink of a meltdown and I urgently need help.

First of all the quick summary of me and my relationship. I am a 20 y/o gay man from England in a relationship with a boy from Italy (20 y/o). We met over an internet blogging site called Tumblr and we started talking, found that our personalities clicked and before long we were making the first steps in meeting. I went to Italy twice and he is yet to come to me in England. The reason behind this is he is currently not out of the closet to his dad. This isn't really a problem to me, although from time to time I feel like a secret but I have faith that in time things will get better. When my boyfriend and I met for the first time, it was magical and before long we had met again within a month. Now it's been about a month since we last met. The future holds a lot for us both as I am a student of Italian language and will be moving to Italy in two months' time. I chose to move to his city because I want to. It is a beautiful place and I have (more accurately; had) faith enough in our relationship to know that it was the best decision for us both. My boyfiend and I talk about being soul-mates, marriage, a home, our wedding, all kinds of long-term commitments that until this week I never doubted.

And so on with my question. When my boyfriend and I first met, he never ceased to mention his ex. He truly was broken when they separated and believe me, my boyfriend (quite selfishly) found little pain in reminding me every single chance he got about how great this boy was and how heartbroken that he was that he left him. I am a very patient person and so I decided to bite my tongue and comfort my boyfriend through his pain and thought that if I was there for him, he would move on in time. Until this week I thought this was the case.

Yesterday night my boyfriend admitted to me that he spontaneously contacted his ex this week to wish him a happy birthday. I was utterly devastated. I could not find any reason whatsoever that my boyfriend would contact an ex that apparently broke his heart after TWO YEARS of complete silence. They aren't even friends on Facebook so I have no idea whatsoever why he would search him to wish him happy birthday. It just seems completely strange and I truly can't figure out why he would ever do this. Please note that this boy was another long distance relationship and this boy also lives in England.

I confronted my boyfriend. And, although deep down I appreciate that my boyfriend actually admitted this to me of his own volition. He understood my upset and sent me snapshots of the whole conversation which lasted for around 30 minutes. From beginning until end my boyfriend's ex was very cordial but nothing special. He was clearly disinterested in whatever my boyfriend wanted to say. What shocked me was how much my boyfriend was stimulating conversation, reminding his ex of the old times, referring to that he remembered his favourite movies, even calling his ex by the pet name "boyo". Reading the snapshots didn't help me at all and just made it look like my boyfriend was trying to rekindle something. Like I said, this boy seemed really uninterested and the conversation ended when he (the ex) went to bed.

Now I'm a mess. I'm on the point of moving to my boyfriend's city, changing my entire life and now this has happened. I can't tell what is the right thing to do, is this a meaningless occurence or am I being a doormat when anyone else might be screaming "LEAVE HIM!" This behaviour is just highly suspicious and ultimately I am left with the question:

"What would my boyfriend have done if this ex returned some kind of interest." Even worse: "Would he have ever told me at all?" if that was the case.

Thank you all for your help. I am a real mess right now.

[bolatola]

did they allow gay ppl posting threads about their relationships on forums in law...(hope not-seriously)

now on the other hand, wether it's a gay relationship or not I wouldn't change my life unless that someone who is responsible for the change I know really really well and we have had a lottt of time together. That makes sure you know it's worth it. You rushed into something here afaic.

[searock]

Hm, I don't think you should move to his city, if the main reason is to be with him. He is still hung up on his ex and he doesn't even realize that it's damaging his current relationship. Immature to say the least. I'm sorry you're in this predicament but my advice is to move to Italy only if the main reason is to study Italian, and not to be with this guy. Don't move in together with him until you are certain that he is well and over his ex. Besides, you two have never been in a non-distant, everyday relationship, so you cannot yet know whether you two would work. You have to take it slow. By all means, move to Italy if it's part of your education, just don't move in order to be with this wishy-washy guy.