professor

[jbrowning]

I know this whole professor-student thing is old by now, so I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.
I met my professor when I was in his class the second semester of my first year of college. It was a subject I hated, and wouldn’t have taken if it wasn’t a requirement, and it had nothing to do with my major. But he was so great that I ended up loving the subject, and took a real interest in it, and in doing so, got to know him very well over the semester. The next semester, I went back to his office to ask him for a recommendation letter, and he told me to feel free to stop by and say hi anytime. So I did from time to time, about once a month, and I got to know him on a much more personal level. Honestly, we haven’t even talked about the subject he teaches for more than a year. Last semester, I had a total meltdown because I thought I was making a huge mistake in my career choice, and he bought me coffee and talked me through the whole thing and helped me figure it out. By that time, I had fallen hard for him, and I mean HARD.
At first, I thought there might be a chance that he might feel the same way, but I talked to people about it, including people on this forum, and they told me it was all in my head, and while some professors would not forge such a personal relationship with a student, it’s not unheard of, and nothing to get excited about.
In April, he told me he was leaving to teach at another school in another state, and I was totally crushed. But, it made me think harder about the whole stupid situation, and I finally got my head screwed on straight and decided that all those people were right, and it was all in my head. Plus, I’m 21 and he’s 42 so that made the whole thing pretty unlikely anyway from the start. I was still totally devastated, but at least I thought I knew that.
I went to see him a couple of times over this summer before he left, and there were some strange moments, and by strange I mean things that, in my uninformed opinion, a professor would not normally do. He hugged me a couple times, which I thought was unusual, but dismissed as okay and nothing out of the ordinary in light of the fact that he was leaving. But when I went to see him one last time, a couple of days ago, some things happened that I really felt were not normal AT ALL. This is what I really want your opinion on, because I don’t know if I’m making a big deal out of nothing, and I don’t want to go there.
We had coffee again and had a great conversation. Then, when we got up to leave, he hugged me goodbye, and well, let’s just say it was a very long, tight hug. It might help to say that if I were someone else watching us, I might have been a little uncomfortable. Then, the really weird part—he kissed me on the cheek and stroked my face. I got a little caught up in the moment and hugged him again impulsively, and he stroked the small of my back—not in a sleazy way, but still, I found it odd. (Not that I minded, but still, I thought it was odd.)
I just want to know: Is this ever normal behavior? I’m not going to lie—I’m completely incompetent when it comes to men in general, and this situation is far more complicated than it would be with just any man, so I’m in way over my head. I’m not stupid—I know nothing is going to happen because he’s moving miles away, but I just want to know what it all means, that’s all.
Thanks for reading this ridiculously long, stupid message, and any insight you can offer would help me tremendously. Thanks!

[anachronistic]

That doesn't sound normal to me... and I don't know what kind of bullshit that professor is trying to pull.

Don't give him a chance to do anything like that again. Otherwise you may have to confront him.

[DoesntMatter]

He probably wants to take advantage of you and that's it. To him you're probably just some hot, ignorant ass (no offense) who doesn't know to avoid situations like that

[Junket]

Convenient that you make yourself so available for this guy.

If I was 42 and this young 20 somethin' was hangin' around me, I might start to get a hard-on too.

[boobaa]

When I grow up, I am going to be a professor!

[IndiReloaded]

Hugging you is very inappropriate. Stop putting yourself in situations where you are alone. If you must see him 1-on-1, make sure his office door stays open.

EDIT - ah, you are encouraging him. Well, you'll learn your lesson soon enough. Enjoy.

[lesa]

Yep what DM and Frasbee said. You had a crush on the professor and now you are shocked that he responded?

He is a man and even a priest would get aroused by a twenty-something year old hugging him.

BTW, having coffee with the professor is not abnormal though. My bf and (I on rare occasion) do that all the time. The bf is mixing business with personal but I guess that's normal.

EDIT: Especially take into account what IndiReloaded said.

[Junket]

Yeah, she's being a girl.

She's already admitted she wants this guy, and continues to keep putting herself in personal situations with him, and when he starts to fall for her trap, she retracts here and questions whether or not he's acting appropriately.

Girls don't have a clue as to what they want.

[anachronistic]

Yeah, she's being a girl.

She's already admitted she wants this guy, and continues to keep putting herself in personal situations with him, and when he starts to fall for her trap, she retracts here and questions whether or not he's acting appropriately.

Girls don't have a clue as to what they want.

Of course she does. What 20 year old college girl wouldn't want to feel up an old professor's wrinkly balls?

[DoesntMatter]

What 20 year old college girl wouldn't want to feel up an old professor's wrinkly balls?

What 20 year old college GUY wouldn't want to do that?? That's a normal urge for everyone

[boobaa]

Girls are so full of shit.

Guys, stop giving them so much attention, maybe they grow a bit up then.

[jbrowning]

I think some of you are misunderstanding me a little. I'm not retracting--I just want to make sure it all actually means what I think it means, and that I'm not overreacting and looking for something that isn't really there.

Also, I haven't been in his class for more than a year now. I don't think he's trying to take advantage of me, because he's gone now; I already saw him for the last time before he moved. I only meant to say that I was surprised because I had already decided that there wasn't anything there, but his actions seemed to show otherwise, in my opinion.

Sorry I didn't explain myself very well the first time.

[anachronistic]

I don't even wonder why he is divorced, heh heh.

[jbrowning]

Basically, all I am asking is, was it all just friendly affection or something more?

[shh!]

You are asking the wrong question. You should be asking if this is an appropriate way for a 42 year old man to be acting with someone young enough to be his daughter. I know it's hard to not be flattered when an older, charismatic man who seems to have some power is attracted to you, but honestly, when you are 35 or 40 his actions are going to just creep you out. Emotionally healthy 42 year old men know their boundaries.

You are going to outgrow this man emotionally in just a few years. I think you should just forget about him and remind yourself that there are lots of creepy people in the world.