Should I bother asking her out?

[KMan25]

Hi, I posted this also at the general love advice forum, but thought I would get better female insight here.

This might come across a little odd. I'm 25 years old, male. I've dated a few girls/women, 2 fairly long term. I've had sex with a few. Just so you know I have some experience in both dating and sex, but not a huge amount, either.

However, I've been talking with a woman at work for a couple months now. I like her, and want to ask her out, but please read my whole post.

In case it comes up-we would be allowed to date at our company, since we're in different departments, and even different floors in our building. I know her because we talk in the cafeteria at lunch. We have basically no reason to interact during the workday at all. I see her occasionally in the hallway, or outside, but otherwise, just at lunch. She is 25 yrs old like me.

I sit at a table with her and 2 of her good (female) friends most days at lunch. The other 2 friends I know better, and have been having lunch with for about 6 months, but the one I like only recently started sitting with us at the table because her shift recently changed. She is also 25 years old, like me.

Anyway, I can't get her off my mind. I try to analyze everything she says (later on, not during the conversation) to try to "figure her out". She's a bit offbeat. Not weird or nerdy, she's pretty outgoing, but has a rather laid back, conservative style of dress. She's very cute in a unique way. She is very interesting, intelligent, sexy without even trying to be. She dances to the beat of her own drum somewhat, but isn't outright weird. She shares my outlook on many things, and our sense of humor seems similar.

It took her a while to warm up to me. She is friendly with just about everyone and was with me as well. However for the first few weeks, she would talk with me and share things, but only started conversations with her 2 other friends first. She never seemed to mind me being part of the conversation, but rarely addressed me directly, unless I asked her something directly first. That changed a week or two ago, and she's talking more directly with me now.

She always waved and smiled when I saw her, as she does with anyone she knows, but now she will say my name and ask how I am when she sees me.

I'm also running into her outside lunch more often. That might be just coincidence, or could be that she's trying to make sure she sees me more. I can't tell.

She makes remarks that show that she does listen to what I say, and takes some interest in things.

So, she may like me as a friend at least, and is more comfortable with me than before. That may or may not be a start.

Since we're at work, I haven't tried being more flirty with her, plus her friends are sitting right there, making it a bit awkward. She has never sent any signals directly that she might like me as more than a friend, aside from what I said above, which may mean nothing other than, her warming up to me as a friend. She does smile a lot and make eye contact with me when we talk, but she does that with most people as far as I can tell.

This is where people will say "well just ask her out, outside of work, and see what happens. I want to, but read on. She's very hard to figure out, and in some ways, I get the impression she doesn't really date guys or have much of a desire to.

Unlike her 2 friends, who always talk about dates the one goes on, and the fiance of the other, exes they have, dates they've been on, this girl...the one I like, nothing. She never talks about having a boyfriend, or even ever having had one. She has made a couple references to "if I ever do get married" implying it's either something she would never want, or doesn't think it's likely to happen. I'm not saying I want to marry this girl, just go out on a date with her, but I'm trying to read her and figure her out.

She has made a few vague remarks suggesting she has dated guys in the past. I don't think she's a lesbian, because she has mentioned that she finds some particular male celebrities hot a few times. I just get this impression that guys and dating in general are things she has little desire to have. Let alone sex, but none of these girls explicitly discuss sex at work, and I understand that as it isn't professional. Almost like she's asexual or something.

I asked my sister about it. She said she really can't say and I should just ask her out with no expectations and see what happens. My sister also said "maybe she's quiet about this stuff because she DOES like you".

I wonder if she’s a bit prudish or old fashioned about sex and men, but doesn't come across that way in any other aspect I can see. It might just be that she doesn't like discussing her dating life at work.

There's just something about her, so strong I can't just forget about it. I feel like I need at least one chance, one date with her. I feel a connection and chemistry, yet, she's so mysterious as well.

However, since I just ended a relationship with a woman who had commitment issues and was also virtually asexual, I want to avoid trying to break that force field yet again.

So my questions:

1. Is it possible, based on what I've said, that she has little interest in relationships, or may be asexual?

2. Should I just ask her out and go for it, and see what happens? If I did and things DID get awkward, avoiding her would not be difficult.

[surfhb]

Jesus Christ! Just ask her out on a date!

Hand slapping forehead

[KMan25]

I will Monday. The more I sat thinking about it, the more I realize, I am overthinking it.

Most of the things I am unsure about, I will find out if I actually get to date her, and I have to ask her in order to do that.

[Sweetgurl10]

Yes you should ask her out. Take it as a friends outing, casual meeting. All the questions you posted she is the only one who can give you definite answer. Hope this helps. Good luck.