Married 11 years together 16. 3 kids, 7yrs/5yrs/ 5months. 3 months ago wife told me she loved me but was not in love with me.
Now some background:
My wife has some body issues, she is a stunning sexy woman but only sees an overweight aging person. She has an eating disorder which comes and goes. When she is very stressed the disorder is very regular.
About 4 years ago I got hooked on internet porn. My wife found some pictures on my laptop and thought I was having an affair, I wasn't. I managed to kick the porn habit after 1 relapse a few months later and am now porn free.
Around 18 months ago a girl I work with started texting me outside work hours. The messages were innocent like, what are you up to etc. There were maybe 4 messages a day. I never deleted the messages as there was nothing to hide and they were not flirty but my wife discovered them and was very unhappy (of course). I stopped contact and all was well I thought.
We went on a holiday last July and it was the best ever. We were never closer and when we got back we decided to try for a 3rd baby. We got pregnant in September and all was great. (or so I thought).
This March (my wife 6/7 months pregnant) I noticed she was receiving texts from a number. I asked her about it and she said it was nothing. A couple of days later she confessed to me, it was an old bf (from 20yrs ago) she had been talking/texting and meeting since November and she kissed him. She said that as soon as she kissed him she knew it was wrong and felt nothing for him. She offered to move out. I told her no way, she was pregnant and that if she stopped contact with this guy we would work through it. She agreed.
We had our 3rd baby in June and everything was great, then one weekend in July I noticed some texts on her phone from a different number. I rang it and it was him. She had cut contact for 1-2 weeks. I confronted her and this is when she told me that she "loved me but was not in love with me" I asked her if she loved this other guy she said no.
A few weeks later I came across her phone bills....she was averaging 3000 texts a month and 28-29 hours of phone conversations with this guy. On the day she had our baby she was texting him before it. Then 2 days later a 2 hour conversation with him.
I was furious and confronted her, she said that he had been going through a separation and needed her support. Since then I have discovered that she has met him a few times and that he has moved to a house 5 minutes away from ours.
I spoke to her brother and her friend about this, I needed some outside views..big mistake. They both told her I had spoken to them and she was very very angry.
Now, she is in Japan for the past 4 weeks studying and will be back in 1 week. We speak on Skype so she can see the kids but all she says to me, after the kids are out of the room is "I'm sleeping with loads of men over here", I hate you, I don't dont' dont' don't don't love you anymore. Now she has asked for a divorce.
She returns in 1 week and I don't know what to do. I still love her and want to save our marriage. She won't go to counselling with me, and wants me out of the house.
I have made mistakes, but how do I show her that I want to work this out?
Ladies, I need help