Guys I have one more question sorry about this

[confusedguy1012]

So I called in sick to work today so we could have a day together and talk a little bit. I approached it as sensitively as I could I held her and said that I love her and I want nothing more than to be with her forever. Then I told her her that I would really appreciate it if she wasn't as friendly with him as she is. She said okay then asked why it was a problem and I told her that if she wanted to be with me I was the only one she should be cuddling with. She then asked why i'm being so controlling I responded that i'm not I just want her to respect her relationship. Then she started crying asking why I don't trust her anymore, saying that she didn't mean to make me mad and just freaking out. I tried telling her I wasn't mad and trying to calm her down but it didn't work. She stressed herself out to the point where she's in the hospital because of early labor. She won't talk to me or anyone for that matter. I don't mean to be the center of attention on the forum seeing as i'm new here but how do I approach this without her freaking out again and how can I get her to talk to me? Once again i'm sorry for taking up all your guys time. Thanks in advance!

[Starnique]

I'm assuming she's pregnant? If so, she is probably really emotional and irrational. That's a part of being pregnant. Don't try to figure it out. She's already under enough stress to keep talking about this...so don't. Just tell her that you love her, care for her and you're there if she needs you. Just be there.

However, her cuddling with another guy is unacceptable. Period. Pregnant or not but right now the most important person should be your baby. Its not even about her and her mess. After she have the baby, then you need to be real clear or get rid of her if you need to. Pregnancy does not excuse bad behavior. When baby is here, put that bitch in her place or out the door.

[michelle23]

I think her reaction is OTT but maybe the pregnancy and the illness-all she has been through is making her irrational. Shes obviously very fragile right now so just let her know you are here for her and you dont want to fight or argue about this. Maybe put this conversation off for awhile until things calm down. She is in not able to think rationally right now or to see things from your perspective.

It sounds like you were being very calm and loving and she worked herself up into a frenzy. I am not sure why she would get so crazy about it if she isnt doing anything wrong but right now the baby is the priority so I think its better to avoid this topic right now (as unfair as that is to you)

I think she is being very unfair to you right now but again she is pregnant. If it was a normal pregnancy then maybe she would be calmer but shes under a lot of stress as this is not a typical pregnancy-it sounds high risk and she has been ill so stress levels are high. Give her some time to calm down and then bring her some flowers and give her a kiss. Tell her you dont want to fight and you love her-that you were just trying to protect your relationship coz you dont want to lose her and didnt mean to upset her. Tell her you dont have to talk about it right now.

[THX]

You have done nothing wrong. What happened was disrespectful to you, on his and her part. In what universe is this something to 2nd guess? Let's call a spade a spade. I respect that your not being a chump.

I think she has probably cheated on you, and you don't want to see it. If you don't want to raise another mans baby I would get a blood test done at some point. Don't tell her.

If I'm wrong and you patch things up this "friend" is not to be trusted. DO NOT comparmise your stance to keep the peace. That falls under , "Fool me twice, shame on me."

For her health and for the babys you should put the drama on the back burner for the duration of the pregnancy.

I wish you strength and wisdom my friend. Don't worry about seeking advice. It's cathardic to vent and seek guidance when you feel I'll equiped to handle what you are going through.

[confusedguy1012]

You have done nothing wrong. What happened was disrespectful to you, on his and her part. In what universe is this something to 2nd guess? Let's call a spade a spade. I respect that your not being a chump.

I think she has probably cheated on you, and you don't want to see it. If you don't want to raise another mans baby I would get a blood test done at some point. Don't tell her.

If I'm wrong and you patch things up this "friend" is not to be trusted. DO NOT comparmise your stance to keep the peace. That falls under , "Fool me twice, shame on me."

For her health and for the babys you should put the drama on the back burner for the duration of the pregnancy.

I wish you strength and wisdom my friend. Don't worry about seeking advice. It's cathardic to vent and seek guidance when you feel I'll equiped to handle what you are going through.

Can I ask why you think she cheated? Do you guys really think that?

[michelle23]

Her reaction does scream guilty. Innocent people dont get so defensive and worked up like that or they dont start accusing you of not trusting them.. but like i said shes pregnant, hormonal and stressed so maybe that is all the reaction she gave means..

I am curious as to how this male friend has not been an issue before and why you and he have not become friends?

[confusedguy1012]

He has been around and always has been flirty but i just kinda figured that's how guys are she's pretty even my friends flirt with her. I just don't see the need to be friends with him he's kinda weird I figured if she trusts him I should and when they hang out she usually goes out and hangs out with him, so i've never had the chance. Now that I say that it does sound kinda fishy. Maybe I should have a chat with her about all this?

[Mattiemae]

Yes woman are very emotional and feelings get all screwed up when we're pregnant. lol Not anything you can do, but give her time and space. Being in the hospital maybe she does have time alone to evaluate her feelings and emotions. You really have to understand being a new mum is scary too. Her health isn't easy during this pregnancy.

The stress she creates herself, and no she's not being rational. The best thing now, you told her you love her, and you told her you weren't mad or anything. You can't control what she creates in her mind, or how she responds. You weren't be controlling. Just setting healthy boundaries. It sounds more like to me too, she has trust issues, and for some reason she is mirroring that on to you from her past experiences with someone.

Most of the time when we have conversations with someone, things get triggered and revert to how others responded or reacted to us in the past. We have to let go of those things, and understand the person in front of us is not the same person that harmed us in the past. Like I said too, this man is like her pacifier in a sense, or security blanket, and a good friend. It's hard to let go of that, and understand how it affects our bf/gf, marriage relationships if we're not ready to let go of friends that will never be more than that just a friend. Emotional attachments run deep, and it can see like it is controlling even if it's really not. It's kind of like the little kid getting upset because you want to take the pacifier away, because it wrecks their teeth. It's for the best interest and bigger picture, but the kid doesn't see the big picture, but the little picture of needing it right now. Sometimes it doesn't matter what we say to people, they are sensitive, have to do things their way, and sometimes find out the hardway.

Growing up is hard to do even in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, on up. Just different life lessons, and ways of reacting and responding in relationships. Does this guy have a partner too, or not?

[confusedguy1012]

Does this guy have a partner too, or not?

From what I understand he is dating someone but I don't think he has a girlfriend.

[michelle23]

Is she still in hospital? Is she in labor?

[confusedguy1012]

It sounds more like to me too, she has trust issues, and for some reason she is mirroring that on to you from her past experiences with someone

What do you mean?

[confusedguy1012]

Is she still in hospital? Is she in labor?

She's still in the hospital but not in labor anymore they stopped her contractions she's going home later today. Do you guys think i'm that horrible that if she was in labor i'd be on here and not with her i'm not that mean.

[Mattiemae]

You didn't cause her labor or contractions. So don't blame yourself there. You have no idea when those come, or why they are caused. You could have said nothing and still would have occurred. Well this giving you support! So no it's not cruel. You're trying to problem solve and get solutions to make things better between you. From what you stated she didn't want you there. If she was in labor yes, I would tell you to be there in the waiting room even if she said you couldn't come in for delivery.

When she comes home I would just have some flowers for her, and a box of candy or something, and maybe movies or something you can watch together, and light some candles, and make it a peaceful environment. If you can stand watching a chic flic with her that would even be better. Ha ha, just tone it down for the next few days. Let her think about things. Process it, and meditation would help her a bit, just like relaxing music and weather sounds, or what ever. Does she like to draw, or write, paint, or music, find something she can create, or find some interest she can dump those emotions. Those shower gift sets are always relaxing.

[Mattiemae]

Woman's emotions are just crazy sometimes, but dumping out the emotions is the key. Relaxing, being peaceful, feeling good about ourselves. Ha ha, you may just have to blow things off until after this baby comes. I'm laughing because I know how my emotions were back when I was pregnant. You can cry for no reason. Not even know the reason. The drop of a hat! Has she been to lamaze class, because they do teach how to breathe and relax, same as meditation. I feel for you, and know how it is, I don't know if you can do anything right at the moment between emotions, hormones, and feelings. Just breathe yourself and stay calm and relax too! lol

[confusedguy1012]

No she hasn't been to lamaze classes and ya I get she needs to relax but i wont be relaxing with her