Is it time to give up on LOVE?

[Snow White]

Hello again. First, I have to respectfully disagree with Hooo! about the man who broke up with you because of his serious personal problems. I think he did you a favor. He wouldn't have been able to devote time to your relationship and was unselfish enough to know he had alot to fix with himself before he could be completely devoted to another.

Keep yourself open to love. It always comes when you are not looking for it. Hunting for it only creates longing and will bring the wrong partner. "Eh" is not a good word to describe a fulfilling relationship. Making a list of what you desire is good advice and just be sure you have developed those qualities yourself.

I believe when you meet the right one you will know it. You can also still feel butterflies throughout your relationship as it grows. Talk to an elderly couple who has been married for 50 years. I'm sure that will give you some hope.

[lovemenot]

[MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION]

Thank you for such an honest reply. It actually helps to know that someone understands how I feel. And made me so sad to hear that you gave up on love... May I ask why? What happened that made you feel like that?
I don't really want to give up on love, and I just like you feel like my true calling in life is to find that real love... I feel now that I'd rather have the hope of finding it one day than not having anything at all.. It's just really difficult right now.. But thank's to all of you who replied. It really makes it much easier.

[TheEvilJester]

I don't want to go into too much detail because this is your thread, not mine. But, you did ask. To be honest, it isn't like any one thing happened. It's just my life, basically. It is the grand sum of everything. I don't fit in anywhere. Never have, never will. Happiness, love, these are commodities meant for others, not for me. If we want to continue with the fairy tale imagery.... you are the beautiful but lonely princess searching for her Prince Charming..... I'm the monster. Not the villain, mind you. Monsters can be good or bad. But, the monster doesn't get the girl. For me, accepting my nature, accepting my dark fate, this has been the only way to find some kind of happiness, fleeting and rare though it may be.

Mine is not a tale with only unhappy endings, though. I have been learning to appreciate myself much more than ever in life. I don't think I'd go so far as to say I LOVE myself.... but I like myself. For me, that is actually saying A LOT. So, there are some silver linings I am trying to find in the dark clouds of my life. Love just isn't likely to be one of them, no matter how deeply part of me will always want it.

You may think it strange, a creature so bereft of hope to yet see so much of it for you. Seems almost contradictory... but I think my current state makes me uniquely qualified to offer advice in a way so few others can.... because I've seen that particular darkness firsthand. People will always tell you never to give up on love.... but that advice almost always comes from somebody who, themselves, has never given up on love and often never even had any reason to consider it. At the very least, even if they HAVE at some time, it usually comes from people who have seen their way through to their own "happy ending." Here I am, a creature who HAS given up on love.... and yet I will still offer the same advice. I will still wish the same for you, that you should not lose hope.

Believe me, I know how impossible that can seem. I know how this advice can seem like just words. But, it doesn't mean it isn't true. Time can heal a lot. Don't give up on love.... but if you can help it, also don't let its pursuit consume everything. Find ways to put your mind off of it. Enjoy life instead. Enjoy friends. Enjoy hobbies. Love has a way of finding you. Often, it is when you are not looking that it finds you. And, don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean you can't be looking for it. Heck, though my own experiences with online dating have been all negative, I'd still recommend giving that a try. Just don't go in with high expectations, but you never know.

Good advice could also be to get yourself involved in some hobbies you love.... especially if they are social hobbies you can do with other people. Do that for the love of yourself.... not with the intention being to find love. Just do it for fun. You never know if you may wind up meeting a special somebody there anyway.

Good luck to you. I sincerely hope you find that special somebody very soon.

[lovemenot]

Thank you EvelJester. I really appreciate your advice cause as you said it's totally different than hearing advice from people who have maybe never even had such thoughts...

You are right about love finding you when you aren't looking for it and least expect it. The exact thing happened with my last bf.
But you are wrong about the monster not getting the girl. Just remember Beauty and The Beast ;]

I will try to follow your advice and not let looking for love consume everything and try focusing more on myself and my hobbies, though they aren't very social..;/ basically it's drawing, coding and working out... I know I know "join a gym or some yoga or boxing class" but I really like working out alone. And doing mostly everything alone. I guess I just really like being alone. And it's difficult for me to find people who don't annoy me that much and I would prefer to spend time with them rather than alone.. Maybe that's why I cling to such people so much when I meet them...

And even though you have giving up on it, I too sincerely hope you will meet that special someone.

[johnperes]

[MENTION=78360]lovemenot[/MENTION]
What do you think about Love? What is Love in your sense?
Love is not like to date your dream person but is a feeling when you find your Mr/Miss Perfect. You can feel love when you get married if you are not getting a date to feel, but the main thing is you will feel that what you want to. Never giveup on love because the god almighty have given the same to all his children. So, i hope you will also get your love very soon.
Good Luck

[TheEvilJester]

But you are wrong about the monster not getting the girl. Just remember Beauty and The Beast ;]

Fair enough.... but I'd like to point out that true love's kiss turned him back into a prince. So, technically he wasn't ACTUALLY a monster. :-P LOL!

Golly, the more you share about yourself the more you REALLY sound like me. Like you, most of my hobbies are solo as well. It is only very recent hobbies I have taken on in the past couple years or so (board games, cosplay, etc.) that are more social. For the most part, things I like to do are things I like to do alone. Hell, I LOVE going to the movies alone. Most people would hate that. Even more, they'd feel weird doing it. Me, I LOVE it.

Even more, just like you, I generally like to be alone as well. Mind you, when I find the right somebody, I also enjoy being alone with her.... but it isn't like that has happened much. Funny too, your take on working out. We are of like minds there as well. I have never had any interest in a workout buddy. I like my workout alone. Hell, if I had it my way, I'd do my workouts with nobody else even in the gym, but it isn't like you have much of a choice in that.

Anyways, keep fighting the good fight, my strangely similar friend. I sincerely hope you find your special somebody, your Prince Charming if you will. I hope you find him VERY soon. If nothing else, though, I hope you at least find the acceptance and love within yourself to be happy even at times when love eludes you. As I said before, my greatest wish for you would be that you could find a happiness within yourself that made you not NEED love...... but that you would still find love anyway.

Good luck to you.

[lovemenot]

Feels so good to be understood :] Thank you EvilJester. I hope that your wishes for me will come true and I still hope you will also meet that special someone.
I think your posts helped me the most in finally getting some closure over that guy who left me. I finally feel at least somewhat free and for the first time in months I actually believe that everything will be ok ;] and I really want to focus on myself now and doing what I like for me. I feel it's enough chasing him and trying to make him like me more... And whatever happens in the future happens :] It's time for myself now and time to regain my inner happiness. Will just focus on studying and my hobbies and hope for the best;] So thank you so much for making me realize all this [MENTION=71386]TheEvilJester[/MENTION] and good luck to you too!

[TheEvilJester]

I am so happy to hear that! I hope that positivity persists for you. It can be hard to see that silver lining sometimes, so I wish you the best in continuing to see it... to the point where that silver is more than just the lining.

I hope some day very soon you can come back here to share with us your very own happily ever after. Good luck, friend.