Help!

[Agirlhasnoname]

Ok so I have just started seeing a new guy. Wehave know each other for around 15 years to speak to and for a few years have been text buddies etc and get on well, have gave each other advice In the past about things etc etc. He has always made it clear he wanted more but I was either in other relationships or not in the position to want to be in a relationship but he had always maintained he has fancied me for the full time. Long story short he sent me roses for Valentine's Day and my mum and dad said look are you going to give this guy a chance or not, so I thought to myself okay what's the harm in going on a date, seeing how things go. He is not the most attractive guy which doesn't matter to me as it's not about looks , although I know to some they are important but we get on really well and can talk about anything. My problem is I feel that things are moving too fast , on his part.i said to him at the beginning I don't want to rush into anything but I'd happy to meet up and hang out see where it goes. On our first date I went down to his house for dinner, and I notice he has saved photos from my Instagram page and saved them to his Apple Watch so that his screen saver flicks through loads of photos of me. He constantly buys me presents which is just the kind of guy he is and which is lovely , but I feel like since the moment I said yes to meeting up for a date he has thought great that's us a couple and has been doing a lot of couple stuff for us, including booking a weekend away next month. Don't get me wrong I am looking forward to it and I enjoy spending time with him but I feel In General I have not had enough time to figure out my feelings yet for him, I just didn't want to rush things. It's been about three and a half months and we've met up about once or twice a week during that time. He has started talking about what we can do for next years summer holiday and has been asking me to meet his family, and they have been asking to meet me since our first date, his family and friends know everything about me and I've just started feeling a bit of pressure lately. Please help am I being unreasonable ? Should I know exactly what I want by now? Do t get me wrong he's a great guy and he hangs off my every word and always does lovely stuff for me but I'm so confused and feel guilty I'm not acting in the same way yet . Thanks everyone.

[pcmaster]

Think you have to tell him to slow down as this is getting a little too weird a little too soon. Guy is for sure thinking about you a lot and this is his biggest mistake.
Also dayum ! If he have apple watch then no wonder hes giving you all these gifts since that thing is not cheap so probably guy have money or hes a big spender.

I think he is chasing too much and that dont gives you space to want chase him, he should rather push and pull. I think he would feel the same way about you if you would do all these things to him. Tell him to slow down and give you chance to miss him. Tell him not to be so fanatic about you since you are just a girl and if he will try too hard he will scare and push you away with that.

[Agirlhasnoname]

Thanks for your reply, i know it sounds like a trivial problem and I'm scared to talk to my mum about it because she just thinks he is the bees knees because he treats me well but I'm just feeling uncomfortable with how fast it's going and I feel like to tell anybody this they would just think I was being daft. Also I am worried about him booking the trip so early because I feel like if I was to say anything about slowing things down I would seem ungreatful.

[GLYC]

He's acting like how he thinks men are supposed to act. Aka being a butler, man servant, pleaser, etc. In reality, women don't want that at all, they want an equal, and they want to fall in love slowly over time. Gift giving is a huge turn off for women, it will subconsciously or,consciously come off as a bribe. And who cares what your parents think, its your love life, you can explain these things to them (although most people don't understand women and attraction, many women themselves don't even understand it). He's rushing things and getting ahead of himself. If you want to help him out, explain some of this to him, tell him he needs to let you come at your own pace, to ease up and to stop trying to force things.

This comes back to the sayings like, Nice guys finish last. Or, she always goes for the bad boy! Well, those sayings aren't necessarily true. Women don't like the "typical nice guy", and they don't really like bad boys. What they like are men that treat them like equals, are caring, and giving within reasonable means (nice guy quality), but that do their own thing and realize that women are a supplement to your life, they are not the center lf your life! (Bad boy).

I honestly feel bad for this guy. He is thinking he's doing all the right things, because it's what's portrayed in some movies and media, "I MUST WIN HER LOVE", but it's not how it works in reality. He's had a thing for you for years, and now he's finally got his shot, but he's completely blowing it. While he has some good qualities (you said you two connect well) he definitely isnt acting like a real man. The fact that you've stuck around for this long is amazing alone.

This alone would cause many women to reject him and that's just the first date "On our first date I went down to his house for dinner, and I notice he has saved photos from my Instagram page and saved them to his Apple Watch so that his screen saver flicks through loads of photos of me".

[Agirlhasnoname]

Thank you so much for your honest answer. I myself have had my fair share of bad boys so I know what it's like to have it the opposite way with never knowing what's going on etc, yet here I am with a guy hanging off my every word and I'm complaining. I do feel bad for him too , I know he is doing everything with good Intentions and he means well but I am just finding the over the top niceness slightly off putting. I feel like there is none of the excitement In It for me that usually there is at the start of a relationship because everything is being given to me so quickly. I feel like to say anything about this subject would make me seem like a horrible person though and I would be disappointing a lot of people which I know I shouldn't care about but I've been feeling under so much pressure to meet the family and start acting like a couple it's just overwhelming.
I'm feeling like now he has booked this trip away within the next few weeks that I can't really bring up my concerns ....:/

I wonder if any readers reckon that at 3 and a half months i should be wanting to do this by now? Am I being unreasonable by thinking this is still quite early?

Yes the watch thing did freak me out a bit. There is also the matter of the mug and blanket he has bought me for when I go to his. I know he means well and it just excited by the though of becoming a couple but rightly or wrongly so, I'm overwhelmed and not sure how to react !

[GLYC]

You're not being unreasonable.
At 3 1/2 months you should be head over heels in love with him, not doubting things. Hell, typically that happens at 6-8 weeks.

Remember you have to put your needs first. It's okay to say "no".
This dating courtship probably won't last. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with being a nice, thoughtful, compassionate man.
But there is a line. He's thoughtful. Which is a plus, but you're too much of an emphasis in his life.

He's being too easy like you said. You essentially know that you could probably walk all over him if you wanted to and he would still be there. It's off-putting.
Most women avoid these types of men because they get the idea that this may become their future stalker (I'm not trying to scare you).
He's planning too much into the future, and already treating you like a girlfriend, when the title hasn't even been acquired. Never treat dates like girlfriends.
You don't feel like you have to earn anything.

If you really want to help him out, direct him to buy the book "How To Be A 3% Man" by Coach Corey Wayne.
It changed my life reading his work and most of the advice I give is based in what ive learned from him.
Which might seem strange I guess, "Hey, you suck with women, here's a book!" Haha

Or you can push him in the right direction, "Hey, I'm telling you this because I care about you, but i have to be honest, its a turn off when you.. etc."

The trip is weird. Sorry, thats the truth. You're not a couple.

It's funny, you hear this exact scenario play out. And some bitter men will go "I gave her everything! Yet she left me! She's crazy/other derogatory term!"
But those men just don't understand the dynamics of attraction.

[Snow White]

LOL...this is so sad. I am reading this and feeling sad for you. I was in this exact predicament. I didn't know him for as long, but he was my best friend and was wonderful to me. He took me to my first concert. I could talk to him about anything. He was so nice. His problem, he was too nice to me. Was that HIS problem, though? No. It was mine. He made it too easy for me. I was use to more drama. More of a challenge. I think it's pretty sad when a guy being really nice is a "turn off".

I don't think he's rushing things after knowing you for 15 years. Do this poor guy a favor and let him loose. Mine finally had enough and left and came back with a beautiful wife and business and many times I think back and know he was the best man who ever cared for me. If you are like I was, you just aren't use to someone treating you with such admiration. Get use to it. There's nothing wrong with him as a man. Give yourself some thought.

[GLYC]

LOL...this is so sad. I am reading this and feeling sad for you. I was in this exact predicament. I didn't know him for as long, but he was my best friend and was wonderful to me. He took me to my first concert. I could talk to him about anything. He was so nice. His problem, he was too nice to me. Was that HIS problem, though? No. It was mine. He made it too easy for me. I was use to more drama. More of a challenge. I think it's pretty sad when a guy being really nice is a "turn off".

I don't think he's rushing things after knowing you for 15 years. Do this poor guy a favor and let him loose. Mine finally had enough and left and came back with a beautiful wife and business and many times I think back and know he was the best man who ever cared for me. If you are like I was, you just aren't use to someone treating you with such admiration. Get use to it. There's nothing wrong with him as a man. Give yourself some thought.

You women are so funny and sweet. Haha

Cleary what this guy was doing, much like the guy mentioned in the OP's story, wasn't the proper approach.
Actually it is all about him and what he is doing. It's been 2 1/2 months, nobody wants an ass kisser or someone that they don't see as an equal.
It's okay to be a nice guy, but you need to be assertive at times and need to have a spine. Women need to know that you have boundaries.
Buying gifts for women that you've known for short periods of time is unnatural, because it's so undeserved.
It's basically coming off as a bribe saying, "Thank you for giving me the gift of your presence your highness, in return, please accept these gifts"

The only reason why your viewpoint changed was because that man was no longer available, and scarcity creates value. Had he been single, you probably still wouldnt have given him much more thought, or else you would've shortly changed your mind when you found him doing the same things he did before.

The truth is being nice doesn't guarantee you anything in life. In all honesty, its kind of expected for people to be somewhat nice, isn't it?
I found that out a long time ago. And I became a much better, well rounded individual because of it.