Is there still a chance

[KevinEHV85]

So yeah I made another topic before about this woman I like at work and this one is still about her but I explain in short:

I like a woman at work but I wasn't sure how she felt about me because of her mixed signals and she seem to be more into some other colleague, now I do know why she acts this way. It turns out she actually really likes this other guy but this guy turned her down. This is why I kept myself on the background without being too flirty.

At the moment I work with her a lot and there have been like 8 other people (Including the guy who rejected her) who know I like her, so I haven't been really mysterious about this. For this, I think she must know I like her too. Yesterday she asked me to smoke together after work (she only smokes like twice a week) but we got interrupted by some other colleague who was also starting to smoke with us.

Now I'm not sure how to handle this and if there's still a chance to make her like me in a romantic way. I sure as hell do not want to enter the friendzone but as I stated before I think she must know I'm not only looking for a friend.

So even though she's currently not really into me (yet) do I keep flirting with her or should I keep some distance now she knows that I like her ?

[GLYC]

Well, shes going to be REALLY into that one colleague because he rejected her. When there was already interest, Rejection can breed obsession. So people think, "What is it about that person that makes them think they're so good".

It's always a plus to act earlier rather than later. If you hesitate too much, it makes you look weak. Especially when everybody in the office knows you like her, if that gets back to her, it can communicate "Hey, this guy likes me but he doesn't have the balls to go for what he wants".

Don't play overly safe. If she disregards what you have to say when asking her out. Don't bring it up again, just be nonchalant and cool about it. Saymsomething like, "Alright, let me know if you change your mind". When you see her after that, make small talk but don't go out of your way to talk to her. Dont act butthurt. Just treat her like any random old acquaintance you've encountered before.

Can't say she will change her mind, but it's your best chance and honestly it's just the best way to act.

How to not enter the friendzone: make your intentions clear by saying that you two should meet up for drinks
If she says something like she would prefer just to be friends "Nah, that's okay, I'm not really interested in that. But let me know if you change your mind"

[KevinEHV85]

Thank you for your comment and you were right.

The day started pretty good for me. The woman was flirting with me (even without the guy in sight) but the guy did see it. I really thought this could be the right moment to ask her out but not long afterwards he just asked her if she wanted to do something in the weekend and obviously her flirting with me stopped. It was a really dick move of this guy and some thoughts went in my mind; Should I tell the woman he is playing her ? Should I tell him he's an asshole (because he knew I was going after her and he rejected her before).... but I kept my cool and act like nothing happened.

I should've asked her out earlier but she never really gave me any real hints even though I threw hints her way but she was still too hung up on this guy.

I never thought I would just get feelings so quickly for anyone again but yet I did so it sucks but life goes on....

[GLYC]

Good move. You made the right decision in some of those spots, telling her that he's playing her would just make you look butt hurt that he's getting her attention, and it would actually drive her further from you, and closer to him.

And don't worry about him. The way I see it is, when I'm talking to a woman, I have no competition (is that reality? No, and I won't act arrogant, but it's a better stance to take then to think you're not good enough). Think, What would James Bond do? James Bond wouldn't care if a guy was chatting with a woman he wanted because he knows eventually she'll be coming home with him.

Maybe this guy saw you as competition and decided if he didn't do anything he was going to potentially lose her.

There's some tricks to reading interest though, does she smile at you, laugh at your bad jokes, ask you questions, if it's a new woman and you ask for her name does she ask you what your name is (that's a big one). I think if you're getting some vibes, even if it doesn't seem like she's head over heels for you or you're borderline about it, I would just go for it. Sometimes women may see you as an "Eh, I guess I'd go out with him" but her interest can raise from there if you play your cards right. Course it will be more difficult and you'll have less room for mistakes. Plus, even if she shoots you down, she may hit YOU up in the future if you've exchanged numbers. You never know what's truly currently going on in a woman's life afterall, there could be other men in the picture.

[KevinEHV85]

I admit I still am not really good with women, not awful but not good.

There's still some doubt in my confidence which I'm trying to work on because I good (I know I should've said handsome here, right? haha)

Another thing that basically messed with my mind is that this guy is just a normal guy, like me. He does have a big advantage since they are both Polish (we have a lot of them in my country) so they speak their own language while I have to communicate with her in English. He looks like the typical Polish guy, doesn't do his hair etc. To be honest I consider myself more handsome than he is but he's just so relaxed and probably didn't care if he got her or not (at least that's how he acted). I was too interested in her and now she knows that I like her.

Unless he's a master at the game and rejected her because that would make her more interested, I think he was scared he could lose her but he also knew she was already into him. Maybe you've already explained it in your last comment but I suppose it's best to just continue like nothing happened and still be nice to her, I cannot just be silent to her and not make her laugh because then she knows I'm butthurt.

For the most part I know when a woman really likes me but in this case I think she just liked me but was still in love with this other guy, which is why I didn't make a real move just yet as I did not expect him to be trying to get her back. So yes I have to work with both of them for some time at least, it hurts but I'll manage. Who knows what happens in the future if he makes some mistake.

[Snow White]

"butthurt"? LOL. I've never heard of that expression. At first, when I read GLYC's comment "Well, shes going to be REALLY into that one colleague because he rejected her." I cringed, but then had to admit he was totally right. That man has now become a challenge. But, that is not a healthy attitude for a woman to hold. You do not want a woman who wants a man who does not want her. Too much drama.

I love the James Bond attitude. I enjoy reading the man's point of view. I guess I have always just felt that if the man was interested, he would just go for it. But I guess that certainly can't be easy.

[GLYC]

Kevin- it's all about just getting a little better everyday. I'm not perfect either. But I've come a long ways in the last 3-4 years.

Part of being confident is about finding your emotional center, once you reach a place of strength, and find that you only can control how you show up in life. And you show up as best as you can. If a person doesn't want to be in a part of your life, it's their loss. You develop a take it or leave it attitutde. She wants to be with you, awesome! She doesnt, hey, that's fine, maybe some other time, and if not, well, I'll be finding some one else (and she'll be just as good as her, if not better). And even if it takes a while to do that, you're content with it because you know that you have to let go of the wrong people to let the right people in, and in the mean time, you're just as happy being single (although you of course wouldnt mind having another person to share your current good times with).

I'm at a position where i genuinely believe that (of course, I will never say that out loud to a woman, which would be arrogant, but I do see the value in what I have to offer). I still get rejected, its part of life, in reality a lot of women will not be into you. Its funny, I used to walk away from those interactions thinking "Whats wrong with me?", now I just walk away with a smile and a cocked eyebrow, thinking to myself "You have no idea what you just missed out on!"

Snow- yeah, it's counter-intuitive, as a lot of dating is.

And most women, will come to those terms when they see the guy is making no effort. As it is unhealthy.
When a guy ignores a woman or she starts to perceive she has no chance, it causes them to give up.
However, assuming this guy has been talking to her or just briefly showing something that she can interpret as him having interest, she'll hang on a little bit longer.

And men should go for it, if they're interested. The guy who rejected her might just be unsure about things.
Really though. Part of being a man is about bring direct, decisive, and going for what you want.
However with that, I really think dating is more of an art.
There's a balance to it, and I think a lot of men over-pursue, initially, I reach out to women once a week to set a date, and that's it.
Thats my level of pursuing. It's not that I'm difficult or easy, but i just want to see the woman put in the effort too.

[KevinEHV85]

[MENTION=38512]snow[/MENTION] - He's absolutely right. Women want the men who are a challenge, even though they will not admit it themselves.
[MENTION=85795]GLYC[/MENTION] - Yes indeed that is the right attitude, even though I know in general how to behave (be likes James Bond) it's not going naturally yet and it deff takes some time and experience.

I have to set something straight btw. It just might be the guy did not reject her in the way like "I don't like you enough" but I think that he apparently told her he was too busy for a relationship atm. Then I started the flirt with her and he saw that and became jealous. If this is the reason he is not the 'asshole' I thought he was before.

The girl surely knows I like her and so do many colleagues...... she still hangs around with me a lot even when she doesn't have too and she still has a flirty vibe around her. I think she could want me as some kind of backup plan in case something goes wrong with the other guy. At work I'm still flirty around her and make her laugh but I also try to show her that I don't care about her that much, although it's a hard thing to do.

[johnperes]

What's her status right now? If she is single now then you have a chance to propose her and to express your feelings. Look, you are already much late to express your feelings for her. Just plan a surprise small event where you can propose her in a sweet environment. Hope for the best.

[Hooo!]

With extensive eye contact, verbal flirting and physicsl escalation you do not need to worry about being in a fried zone.