I fell in love with a married man

[thunderbolt1]

I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I don’t really have a question to ask. I think I just needed to tell this story truthfully and completely, and I have no one to tell it to.

To start off with, I get hit on by married guys all the time. It usually starts out with “I’m married but we have a lot of problems”, or “I’m married but we didn’t marry for love”, or “I’m married but my wife and I fell out of love a long time ago” – and I’m not stupid. I know that is a way to let me know he is emotionally available. It has never worked.

That is NOT how it started with my boyfriend. When we first met, he would gush about his wife. He would tell me about how wonderful she was and about all the wonderful heroic things she did and all the times she stood by him throughout his difficulties. I thought it was awfully sweet. When I first met him, he had just moved to town to look for work after he had gone through a considerably traumatic experience back home. He was so traumatized that when he first moved, he could barely keep track of the days of the week or stop his arm from shaking chronically. That was what brought us together. I had my own share of trauma as well and we were able to relate to each other.

We became good friends with much in common. We fell in love very quickly –a kind of love that I have never experienced before - a kind of love that is just so whole and fulfilling and complete. As we got closer, he would begin to tell me about his problems with his wife. His complaints became more and more frequent, and at one point he burst into tears telling me that the only reason he couldn’t leave her is not because he loves her, but because he feels like he owes her for standing by him throughout his difficult times.

I never wanted him to get divorced - because I love him, I didn’t want him to be alone, knowing our families would never let us get married and we’re from a part of the world where they sort of have to approve. I was quite happy to be the other woman for a while – I was just so happy to be so well-treated after all the abuse I had been through and all the things I felt I had missed out on. I wanted that happiness even if it would not last forever.

And when he started to talk about divorce. I asked him not to do it, or at least to wait. I wanted him to wait until he was in a more stable place emotionally before making a decision like that. I also wanted him to wait until he saw her so that he would be sure of his feelings (you see, he had moved to town without her - they had planned she would move later).

But then his wife managed to get into his account and download our conversations from his cloud backup. She then proceeded to distribute that document to his friends and family. As you can imagine, it all sort of escalated from there. In addition to the truth, a bunch of horrid rumors were also invented about me. He is now in the process of divorce. Everyone from his hometown hates him, and of course me as well. To them, he’s a cheater and I’m a whore. And maybe I am a whore. But he’s a good guy.

Sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I’m just too happy and in love to feel guilty. I don’t think he ever feels guilty. I think he has just harbored too much resentment towards her over the years to feel guilty. And I think she reminded him so often of all the things she did for him that it ended up turning his gratitude to resentment.

Again, I don’t have a question to ask really or a point to make. I just needed to tell this story to people who wouldn’t know my name when they pass their judgment on me.

Maybe the only thing I struggle with in my relationship with him is that there are so many things that I was so excited to do for the first time, and I struggle with the fact that he has done it all and lived a whole life with someone else. Like..I was a virgin, never lived with a man before, never so much as gone out past midnight or played board games on the rooftop with a man before..and sometimes I struggle with the fact that he has had a whole life with someone else. I don’t think it makes me jealous really. It just makes me feel old. How different it is from your first love….loving someone when you both have a past.

[pcmaster]

Beautiful story. Great love story. Very well written. Are you a writer?
I see that you dont need advice. Everything will be good for both of you. Enjoy your love !

[Hooo!]

What do you want?

[pcmaster]

What do you want?

I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I don’t really have a question to ask. I think I just needed to tell this story truthfully and completely, and I have no one to tell it to.

She explained it in first line of story.

[Hooo!]

What do you want regarding love, your life and relationships?

[thunderbolt1]

You're so very sweet! Thank you!