she won't stop chatting other guys

[Alopolo]

i'm in a relationship of 1 year with a wonderful girl. she's very affectionate and loving and we spend all our free time together and sometimes even lunch times at works since we work closeby. However since when i met her she had this tendency to chat a lot of friends that she doesn't even meet in person much (maybe 4 times a year total). i won't name this chatting app but it's the one where you mainly exchange photos. she claims she only uses it to send pictures of her work products (she designs and makes handcrafts ). i confronted her recently and told her i feel disrespected by her private messages with other guys specially since i have never met them and they are single (i found this out myself using facebook). i asked her "why do you seem the need to privately message xyz when you can just post such pictures using other apps where everyone can see them publicly. also xyz is a single guy and i hate how you text him a lot even in front of me, it's disrespectful." she got very upset and i think she felt guilty? because she cried a little bit and said she will no longer message xyz. thought my concern was not the fact that she messages xyz, it was just the act of privately messaging other guys , i let it go. i didn't impress my point further and to this day she messages other guys still. i guess they were friends of hers she met before i walked into her life and there's nothing i can do about it. the only problem i have is this application erases all chat history and makes it so sketch for a girl in a relationship to use with other single men. I feel as though this is preventing me from taking the relationship to anything more serious than it already is (ie. marriage or moving in together). She has repeatedly mentioned she wants to spend rest of her life with me and wake up next to me everyday, but every time she brings this up i can't seem to fully come to terms with it due to the fact that i feel disrespect from her continuation of use of PMs with other men. i feel as though i do not fulfil her needs/desires if she has the need to text other men. am i crazy? should i end this if she doesn't want to stop texting them? thx

[Hooo!]

Few possibilities
1 she likes attention maybe even sexually 2 likes flirting
3 is emotionally invested in xyz
4 is an old friend of xyz who likes her maybe romantically
5 just chats with him randomly
6 something I missed
7 a mix of above

And you know what: it all comes down wether you trust her, if and how you can talk with her openly
I don't see any harm in the above apart from 3
She choses you over all the other men who are most likely interested in her. And let's be honest: you can understand their point. And still she is with you.
Get over your insecurities

A whole different matter is that she's constantly on the phone when with you. Wether she's chatting gaming or whatever. That's just shit. But a whole different matter.

[Shoukon]

Hey Alopolo,

This is a tough situation since if she isn't doing anything wrong you will look like a controlling jerk and if she is doing something wrong it's going to be painful. One thing to do is to sit down and have a serious, but relaxed conversation with her that isn't accusatory. When having this type of conversation it's most powerful to avoid using the word "you" or "your". For instance, if you want to say, "You spend too much time on the phone," a way to say this that has less of a chance at starting a fight and more of a chance at communicating what is going on is saying, "I'm feeling a bit alone sometimes when the phone is out and I'm here."

When you wrote about this you mentioned feeling disrespected, the situation is sketchy, they were there before you, it's halting your relationships progress, you feel insufficient to meet her needs and desires which is driving you to fantasize about ending the relationship.

Your feelings of being disrespected, distrust in her and being insufficient are things to be communicated with her. A lot of the times in relationships we can be so use to doing something that we don't really understand how they effect another person when we are in a relationship. For instance, someone can grow up playing video games their whole life and won't understand why the person they are dating gets so frustrated at them for playing games until it's communicated. Playing games, social media, work, school, all activities take time and intimacy away from the relationship. Starting a conversation by saying something to the tone of,
"Hey (insert nick name or name here), I've noticed that we don't spend much time with each other and it makes me feel that I'm not giving what is needed for the relationship and wanted to talk about it."

She has people in her life before you and that's something you shouldn't take away from a person because that can breed resentment which destroys relationships.

I'd also reflect on the feelings you are having about her. Is distrust, feeling disrespected and feeling insufficient to the point of wanting to terminate the relationship feelings you've had before in relationships or in life? Sometimes we need to do some soul searching and be curious on why we react in some ways and not just feel justified in the feelings.

Let me know if you have any questions or if I misunderstood anything.