I feel like im just in his way

[Shortzy]

My husband and i have been married for two years. We had a rocky start as we lived at our relatives whom he was very close with so i often had to fight for a bit of quality just me and him time. When we moved out it was as if we had just got married again. However the quality time thing didn't change. He is very ambitious and has been trying to set up a business from when we were dating and i was 100% supporting him. I haven't stopped its just that now all my attempts to help are just not to his standards. I feel so worthless. Im looking back at our two years and thinking 'what on earth have we done?' Im so bored and i have been a long time. Its always been me suggesting outings (that differ from dinner and a movie) and he has either declined (80%) or been miserable while we have gone(20%). He has been in and out of jobs but i have always saved £50 or so for special nights like valentines day or birthdays and even when he has had jobs theres been no input. It all goes to the business. I have been longing for a cheap vacation and wanted to go for our anniversary so we decided to save what we could but a month before he decided we didn't have the money.
He doesn't desire me, doesn't respect my words or opinions, he doesn't want to invest in the marriage until maybe when the business is up and running but i have told him we need to balance everything otherwise we will have a business and no love for each other.
I have sent naughty texts, cute texts, bought games, dressed up but the only effort he gives is putting on a movie over dinner once a week. At first that was fine as we didn't have money but im so bored of it now. I want to go camping, visit another town, go mountain climbing, go to the theatre, go abroad, dance classes, be surprised, be wooed, DO STUFF. Make memories because looking back its mostly been me begging for something and him miserably going along with it.. I know once we have children we won't ever get this time back where we can have fun without worrying if the kids r ok etc..

This week i wanted to suggest having a bbq but he has been is a good flow with work and i feel like asking for something that he isn't quite up for is going to annoy him.

I feel like just backing away and letting go of the desires to have a fun, loved up marriage. Maybe i just have to accept that he is just a sex buddy that i live with and will some day have children with.

What do i do? What can i suggest to him?

[WiltedRose]

Awww hunny I'm so frustrated for you! Did he have any interest when you were dating? Are you both active people? You don't need money to have fun a simple walk or bike rides do wonders but he has to want it too! I hope you both can find something more exciting to do! A lot of people just get stuck in a rut and just like thier homely comforts and don't like being taken out of thier comfort zone but in a relationship it's give and take or you both won't be happy!

[JustMe48]

I'm very sorry you are feeling this way. Marriage is hard work and a lot of times especially for newlyweds expectations can fall short. I wanted to link you to an article, but it won't let me. Instead I will put a quote of it in here. It's called "Living out I do" By Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller.
"Discovering a deeper passion-The kind of love life I am talking about is not devoid of passion, but it’s not the same kind of passion that is there during the days of naiveté. When Kathy first held my hand, it was an almost electric thrill. Thirty-seven years later, you don’t get the same buzz out of holding your wife’s hand that you did the first time. But as I look back on that initial sensation, I realize that it came not so much from the magnitude of my love for her but from the flattery of her choice of me. In the beginning it goes to your head, and there is some love in that, but there are a lot of other things, too.
There is no comparison between that and what it means to hold Kathy’s hand now, after all we’ve been through. We know each other thoroughly now; we have shared innumerable burdens; we have repented, forgiven and been reconciled to each other over and over. There is certainly passion. But the passion we share now differs from the thrill we had then like a noisy but shallow brook differs from a quieter but much deeper river. Passion may lead you to make a wedding promise, but then that promise over the years makes the passion richer and deeper.
Longitudinal studies reveal that two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced. Two-thirds! What can keep marriages together during the rough patches? The vows. A public oath, made to the world, keeps you “tied to the mast” until your mind clears and you begin to understand things better. It keeps you in the relationship when your feelings flag, and flag they will.
In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love seem to dry up. And when that happens, you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic and eager to please, but in your actions you must be tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love."
Don't give up just yet. It's worth your time and effort to make it work! Praying for you!!

[TheEvilJester]

This is a tough one for sure. On the one hand, if he doesn't like doing some of the things you suggest doing, then you shouldn't necessarily force him to do them. Some people just aren't as interested in that kind of stuff. I mean, I myself am kind of a home-body. My ideal day off when I have free time from work is just to just relax and watch movies. Sometimes when I constantly have stuff to do, I tend to get a little burnt out.

.....BUT, even so I do still like to do other things now and then. Variety is the spice of life. So, if I spent months in a row with nothing to do BUT relax and watch movies/TV/etc., at that point I'd want something else to do.

So, on the one hand part of me is saying that he should be more adventurous and be willing to do things with you now and then.... but on the other hand part of me also says if that isn't what he likes then he shouldn't.

.....Another but here..... BUT.... That also doesn't mean that just has to be okay with you. I don't mean to upset you, but there is always the distinct possibility that maybe you two are not as much as match as you'd once thought. Considering you are already married, I HOPE that isn't the case, but that is at least something to consider. If you two don't seem to have very much in common, don't like doing the same things for fun, etc. then what exactly are you two supposed to do together as a couple? You don't have to be EXACTLY like each other. You don't have to have EVERYTHING in common. It's actually good to have some things you each do separately. But you should at least have enough in common to be able to have fun in your relationship.

Don't get me wrong. It is entirely possible it is much less of an issue than I am making it sound. I'm just offering that because that is at least something you should consider. It's entirely possible maybe it isn't really all THAT bad. Running a business can be very hard and very time consuming. Especially when you are first trying to get it up and running. So, he MAY be very busy and just having a hard time balancing work and life. The thing is, you definitely don't deserve to and shouldn't have to just sit back and let him disappear on you during that. He made the choice to marry you. If he didn't have time to deal with getting a business together AND having a relationship, he should have let you go.

Instead he married you. No pun intended, that is a commitment. He needs to be able to honor that commitment. Otherwise, as you said yourself... Maybe he'll wind up with a business (or maybe that won't even ever work out), but in the end he'll wind up without a wife. For now, I guess the best thing you can do is try to talk to him. I get the sense you HAVE, but I'm sure like many of us it has more been in the heat of the moment. That often isn't the best time to talk.

Rather, when you can let cooler heads prevail and talk from a place of calm. Sit down with him and have a serious discussion about it all. That you care deeply and want him to be successful with his business... but at the same time that doesn't mean you don't need him as a husband as well. That you understand not having as much time as you might like for just you two because of his business.... but that "not having as much time" shouldn't mean not having ANY.

Hopefully he can understand that. Hopefully he'll be willing to work with you to find that balance. It won't be easy, but it can be done. Good luck to you either way.

[Hooo!]

What do i do? What can i suggest to him?

Have you told him this exactly as you have told us?