Question About A Very Strange Situation

[dvkerner96]

Hello all, I would deeply appreciate any thoughts on my situation. I started seeing a girl about 2 months ago. She'd recently broken up with a guy who got her pregnant (she had an abortion), and found out soon after that she had bacterial vaginosis, meaning we couldn't have sex until it cleared up. We were hanging out every day, and she seemed attracted to me, but there was almost always something she needed help with. I was initiating most of the contact, and I was always available when she asked for me (mistake, I know). I thought that she might just be using me, but she spent almost every day/night at my house even when she didn't need help with anything. One day we'd be kissing, talking, laughing etc, and another day she would hardly talk to me at all. We even showered together once, and went out together to buy condoms. When I would ask her about the situation, she would tell me that she liked being around me/was interested, but that she just wasn't in a good place emotionally. When her vaginal issues cleared up, she started saying that she didn't want to have sex with anyone yet because she wasn't over her ex. After that she still spent most days at my house (but stopped sleeping there), although she became distant. She still wanted to hang out with me, though, even with almost zero contact happening, except for a couple of times when she danced with me (erotically). Then, I went out of town for 3 weeks, during which we talked some, and she even sent me a dirty picture. She said she was now over her ex, but didn't want anything serious yet. When I got back into town, she wanted to see me that same night (Sunday). She said it would only be for a short while, though, and I didn't want her to think I was desperate, so I said we should just see eachother another time when we'll have more time. She suggested the next day (Monday), but said she wouldn't have much time then, either. I said we should just do it when she isn't busy, but she kept wanting to see me that night (Monday), so I saw her. I tried seducing her, but she said we didn't have time, and that she had to leave because she works the next day. I was frustrated, so I said, "When are we going to ****?", and she said, "When I'm not busy". So I took her home and told her to call me when she isn't busy. It doesn't seem like her not being ready is the issue, because I think she had sex while I was away. I'm not sure how to proceed. This happened 2 days ago, and I haven't contacted her/heard from her since. Please let me know what you think!

[richiro]

what makes you think she isn't using you? because she hangs out and sleeps at your house? Buddy - that's USING YOU. That's "dangling the carrot" to keep you sticking around all hopeful - so she can continue to use you.
that's what all this is. When it comes to crunch time she always has a convenient out. hello...

let her go. she's using you. most likely she's always been with her ex- and you are the "threat" she uses to him to make him shape up.
let her go.. NOW. find a girl that doesn't play games and creates this much drama for you.

[dvkerner96]

Thank you for replying! You are right. I think the ex has left the picture, though, because she keyed his car after finding out that he had been cheating on her, and as a result he cut ties with her and wants nothing to do with her (and has already moved on to new women). But either way, you are right that she is using me and that I should find someone else. I have already started looking, and am trying to forget about her! I appreciate your advice, thank you again!

[richiro]

yeah.. yo don't want to stick with a girl who is capable of KEYING YOUR CAR - no matter the reason she did it!
also.. another piece of advice for oyu. and i truly believe in this 100%

be mindful of your language. meaning... "i am trying o forget about her". no.. don't TRY.. just DO. Anytime anybody says they are "trying" they are lying to themselves. I can already tell they WILL NOT BE SUCCESSUL when they say "try", "working on that", "doing my best to" or "planning on that" or "thiking about"... no.. just DO IT.

language is the secret to what's really going on. so say it.. "i'm forgetting about her.." see if you can say it. keep saying it. yu'll notice a huge differnce in how you feel and how you progress.

NOW.. last piece. DONT' LOOK YET. When you "break up" or end something with somebody, you are in "rebound" and susceptible to choosing somebody you shouldn't. it is very dangerous to hook up with people during rebound. you tend to chose the most immediately and easiest available and willing person who often times is not the right person for you. "How do i know i'm not in rebound anymore?" Easy. When you don't need to find somebody and aren't obssessed with looking for somebody. If your life is about finding somebody - you're going to attract and end up with a bad person (just like you did in this case.. who can key cars.. get pregnant with somebody than use somebody else...). It's when you don't really feel the need to find somebody or feel the need to be with somebody that you will be more successful in attracting the good ones and meet somebody.

good luck.

[dvkerner96]

You are right, I agree! I also think you are right about being mindful of the language I use, I agree that saying I will do something rather than saying I will try to do something will have a stronger affect. So, with that being said, I am forgetting about her! Thank you! And I agree with your next piece of advice, as well. Though I was never really in a relationship with her, so the situation is a little different, and what is interesting is that when I first started talking to her, I was in a place where I did not need to find anyone, and I wasn't obsessed with looking. So I am not sure why she was attracted to me. I think what happened is that my experience with her was basically a tease, and so now I feel more of a need to be with someone just because I was basically being teased for 2 months with this girl. But nevertheless, I do agree with your advice. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my thread, for giving me advice, and for wishing me luck! I appreciate it, and I wish you all the best!