Guy vs. friends

[Taranee]

To make a long, rather complicated story short. People have twisted my words around and rumors started spreading about me liking this guy. The fact is I never even really spoken to this guy. I didn’t even know whether or not I was into this guy! This guy probably heard the rumors. And started staring at me. Constantly. I ignored it. Because:

1. I don’t know how or what I feel when it comes to him
2. The people I hang with don’t want me to hang with him. They don’t think he’s good enough. They make fun of him saying that he’s gay while he isn’t.

Please don't attack. I’m not saying I agree with 2. I have a lot of awful things happen to me for the last 2 years at school. And I’m going through counselling. So, I basically worked my way up the social ladder and now I am in this elite group with all these rules and stuff. I am terrified to get kicked out of this group because of my past experiences!!

Anyway, people began question me about this guy. I told them (out of fear) that I know whether or not I like a guy. And that he’s probably a really nice guy, but not for me. The next day, he started talking to me (alone). And again he was staring at me. Again, constantly. I remained polite but pretended not to notice him watching me. The thing is I started liking him. Or should I say I more than like him. That’s what makes this whole situation even more complicated.

NOW the wind has suddenly changed. Or should I say he’s changed. I don’t know what to do anymore. He stares at me, and he tries to hide it. And if we get eye contact he immediately looks away. He’s finding stupid excuses to see me. Just to say hello or goodbye.

The funny thing is, I thought well guys always complain that girls should take initiative. Since he persuaded me first I’ll strike up a conversation. So I asked him about one of his favorite sports. He replied. He seemed uncomfortable and looked anxious to leave. I tried talking to him again and he seemed uncomfortable again. I noticed that whenever I talk to him or whenever he says something to me he’s extremely nervous. I'm afraid to be pushy. Or to try too much. The last thing I want is for him to think I'm a slut.

1. Does he even like me? If so, what should I do?
2. How do I remain in the group and hang out with the guy I like?

[Rosebud]

well not to be nosy, but ugh, what kind of group is this? That would kinda help us figure out how to help you considering we wouldn't know the rules you would have to follow!

[shh!]

The "elite" group of friends will likely be tomorrow's big-time losers. I suggest you try to live your life for yourself, and not for a bunch of mean girls.

[Vanilla Gilr]

The "elite" group of friends will likely be tomorrow's big-time losers. I suggest you try to live your life for yourself, and not for a bunch of mean girls.

AMEN! Never allow anyone to control your life like that.

[Taranee]

Thanx for replying!

To put it bluntly, I'm not allowed to go with a guy who isn't considered cool. Since he isn't considered cool I'm not allowed to hang with him. (come to think about it, it reminds me a bit like grease, you know t-birds, pink ladies)

There is this other guy, (who is considered cool) who likes me. And everyone thinks we should go together. But I don't like him that much, I like the other guy. The 'cool' guy is a bit too arrogant for my taste.

[shh!]

Taranee - don't you think it is rather arrogant that a bunch of b*tchy girls should presume they ought to have the authority to decide who does (and does not) belong together? Or that they should decide for the rest of the teenage population who is "cool"? God, I hated those kinds of girls in H.S.

For the record, I was neither popular nor unpopular; I was an independent who actually got to choose my own friends. Imagine that.

Why don't you try making some better quality friends?

[Rosebud]

Yeah shh, is right!! I was hesistant to even post anything.. I have to uphold my niceness..

[Taranee]

Taranee - don't you think it is rather arrogant that a bunch of b*tchy girls should presume they ought to have the authority to decide who does (and does not) belong together? Or that they should decide for the rest of the teenage population who is "cool"? God, I hated those kinds of girls in H.S. For the record, I was neither popular nor unpopular; I was an independent who actually got to choose my own friends. Imagine that. Why don't you try making some better quality friends?

Whoa, wait a minute. I don't say I agree with these girls. I'm just playing the game along in order to survive. 2 years ago I also was an independent soul. I didn't believe in the social ladder and all that crap. I learned the hard way that it does matter. Because everyone lives as if there really is a social ladder. And I don't ever want to experience that again! I do have good quality friends but unfortunately they are not going to the same school.

I know you are right about everything you say shh! and I respect you for that. But the fact remains that this is a matter of sink or swim. And I just don't want to sink. Like I said I get counselling. Because of all of the things I went through. I'm still scared to death that these things might happen again. I'm trying to get over all of my fears and things.

Look at it this way I don't want to feel like crap. Because I'm in the group I am safe. For now at least. Do you understand now why I'm doing what I'm doing?

[Rosebud]

I still don't understand because I think it's important to do things for you not everyone else around you. This social ladder you speak of should not be your reasoning on deciding if you want to date somebody or not. It's up to you and I would not do what everybody else wants you to do.

[Debunkt]

Don't you know what a social pyramid looks like? Its SMALL at the top. Who care what a few, bitchy, people say? There's way more people at the bottom, and therefore way more people to potentially get along with.

I had no idea people still put this much stock into other people's opinions. I'm not sure how you're "safe". I don't think anyone is safe when other people are telling them what to do and think. So what if you lose some friends (HA!) for going after the uncool guy? Just do what you want to do. The social ladder is hypothetical, it doesn't actually hurt to fall off.

[CircleC]

It sucks that there is something making you feel unsafe without this group. Sounds kinda scary. But it sounds like you are stuck dealing with it. I can't wait until you graduate from there so you can be free and spread your wings. Live your own life. Those will be the days. Keep your head up until then.

**If you can ask an authority figure for help, do it.** Your safety is important. It would be cool to have you posting here for a while. Can't have nothing bad happening to ya.

[Late_vamp]

still , are you basically a person that has some sort of self-esteem problem and that for you , you would rather please the general ppl around you to keep a good rep , than to go for what you really want but to look less "cool" ... im guessing your in HS right ? just drop the whole "group" thing , its really useless and it will only bring you dumb problems and jerks as bf's .