Should I go back?

[TcatMcat]

So I recently left my child's father for the third time. I've posted a couple of other times about it. It has been rocky to say the least. It was emotionally abusive at points. He did have an affair early on. We have a 3.5 year old child. I'm having difficulty coming to terms with sharing him, even though I have him 70% of the time, I miss him so much when he's with his dad that I usually just cry myself to sleep. I'm trying to remember that he needs time with his father too. I feel so guilty for leaving and his father has been non-stop texting me saying all of these things he will do to fix our relationship and that he's willing to change anything. I don't have the feelings that I'm in love with him anymore. I don't feel attracted to him. I just feel nothing. But I can't stand sharing my son, but I also can't stand taking him away from his father. I'm wondering if these feelings of guilt go away? Or if I should just suck it up and force myself to go back a fourth time. I'm just so lost. His mother texted me and told me that my son asked her why mommy doesn't come see him at his house anymore. We're living at my brothers for the time being til I know what my next step is. I feel like he thinks I've abandoned him even though I have him more. I just hate this guilty feeling inside of me. I don't know if I can ever adjust to losing this time with him. Any guidance or thoughts would be appreciated

[TheEvilJester]

I don't remember your past posts and don't have time at the moment to re-read them. However, I will just say this.... you two have already broken up on three separate occasions. I think that is saying something. What exactly would make you think things would suddenly change now if you get back together again? He can act all sweet and nice and say he will fix things.... but they are just meaningless words if he doesn't actually stick to it. Apparently on three other occasions he has not.

Sure, it is absolutely ideal if parents are able to stay together. BUT.... children will be so much happier with two parents who are separate but happy than they would be with two miserable parents who are together just for the kids. Yes, it will be hard on all three of you at first, but in time you will adjust. I understand you feel really bad leaving your child. The thing is, you are right, though. His father deserves time with him as well.

You have him, as you said, 70% of the time. When his father has him, you know what that should mean for you? You time! That is definitely something parents don't get a lot of. It is NOT selfish to enjoy some alone time now and then. Or, heck, even get together with friends. So, one thing that could help is to start to find ways to enjoy that free time. That is NOT selfish or wrong to your child. You can explain things a little bit to your kid, but right now he is kind of young, so he may not fully understand. But, in time he will see that you both still love him and that this really changes nothing. He will be okay.

All that said, if you honestly did feel like there could be hope you two could work out, that MAY well be worth trying. That certainly would be the ideal solution. It's just, you shouldn't force it if it just isn't going to work. You would all be better off just moving on. You do need to remain as friendly as possible with each other because you have a child together. You both need/deserve time with your child. But, you CAN be two wonderful and loving parents without having to be together.

Good luck to you either way. I most definitely understand this is NOT an easy road you have ahead of you. So, I wish you the best in traveling it. You CAN do it. Believe in yourself. You deserve that. You deserve to be happy. If that can't be with this fella, then you deserve the chance to find it with somebody else. Ultimately, your kid will be much happier if you are also happy.

[TcatMcat]

Thanks. That was really helpful to hear

[GLYC]

Don't get together for the sake of the kid. Its counter-productive. Want to know how to give this kid the best upbringing? Find a new partner, and show him what a real loving relationship looks like. Children will emulate what they see and grow up around. If you're living a faulty non loving relationship, he will emulate that.

Also the mother texting you that he's asking about why you don't come around. MANIPULATION MUCH? Lol.

[TcatMcat]

I guess that does sound pretty manipulative... I didn’t notice that originally. Thanks for your insight