Another breakup story...lots of confusion.....Be friends???

[Lion-Guy]

Ok so I decided I needed some advice and wisdom after reading lots of the other posts on breakups.

Little background information: My girlfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me. (Most definitely the worst emotional pain in my life. I was a wreck the whole night and didn't sleep a minute. I can't imagine having to go through this again.) She told me that she needs to be her and only her and needs time to enjoy life while she is young. She is transitioning from college to the working world and doesn't know what she wants to do professionally. I am 23 and she is 22. I noticed her co-workers have become quite persuasive. While I was busy studying hard for my career, she made good friends with her co-workers and started going out for drinks after work and partying with them on the weekends. She invited me to go out with them once but I had a meeting I couldn't miss.

Reasons for breakup:

1. She feels like to she needs to be on her own and go out more and enjoy life while is young
2. I didn't give her enough of my time during the week because I was too busy studying for school
3. We often argue over little things and are both stubborn at times
4. Her co-workers seem to be more attractive and fun to hangout with than me

Anyway, she told me she wanted a break. How long? I have no idea. But I know that I love her so much and would take her back with no regrets. But at the same time I don't want to wait around for her and waste my time feeling sad. The night after we broke up she told me that she still wants to have contact with me, go to movies and dinner, but just not be serious like we were before. I guess she just wants to be friends for now? Good idea, bad idea what do you all think? I told her that I don't want to be just friends. She means the world to me and I would do anything for this woman. I am afraid that if I don't want to be friends then there might be no chance for us to get back together. She flat out told me that if we can't be friends for awhile, how will she know if she wants to get back together? I told her to take the time apart and go wild, enjoy life and think about what she really wants.

So it has been 5 days since the break up. She called today and left a message saying Hi and hoped that I had a good weekend and that we would talk later. Do I call her back. Do I wait a while? How long? Do you think I have a chance getting back together? Should I ignore the invite as a friend and wait for her to want me back as a boyfriend?

Oh man there are so many things running in my head right now. Any women have any insight on how she is feeling? Thanks for any support and advice you may offer. I feel like my life has been turned upside down from this.

[Converse]

Sorry dude, I know it's really gutting. From what you've said I'm probably stating the obvious but I think she want's to enjoy single life. But don't let her mess you around she either wants to be with you or not, she can't have the best of both worlds.

Try and keep your self busy, see your friends and try to have fun. She'll probably get jelous seeing you have fun and come crawling back, then you can say 'f**k off'.

I feel stupid for saying this because I'd take my ex back in a heart beat.

Take Care.

[gHEXjt]

I wouldn't call her back. The friends thing doesn't work if you're not over her. My ex pulled this and led me on for a few months until she had a new bf. Then I told her to **** off, and getting over her has been much easier than it was while I was still talking to her.

You never know, maybe she'll come back. But you want to her to realize what she's missing, and by seeing you and stuff she won't.

[erase_]

NEEEEEEEEEXT

Find another girl. Obviously this one isn't worth your troubles. Try to cut all contact from her, it'll be much easier to get over her this way. It usually takes 1/2 the time you were with someone to get over them. Eg: with them for 8 months, takes 4 to get over them....(This changes when 'years' come into play, eg: with them for 4 years, takes about 1, or less, to get over them)..

Meeting new people is #1

[Lion-Guy]

As hard as it is going to be, I will try my best to not contact her in anyway. I sure hope this is the right thing to do. I think you are both right about the friendship thing. I couldn't handle seeing her with another guy or talking about that stuff.

During our three years together we never broke up, never physically fought, and never even thought of cheating on each other. I think this is a really respectful girl that is worth waiting for if she changes her mind. Am I fooling myself?

p.s. I have a dinner date with an old college friend (a girl) tomorrow. Hopefully seeing some other girls will get my mind of things for now. Thanks for the support and advice.

[gHEXjt]

Unfortunately, you are fooling yourself. As hard as it is, contacting her will only work to prolong your pain. My relationship was 3 1/2 years and very healthy too. Then she pulled this crap and started shitting on me, seemingly for fun as time went on. And had I gone with no contact like everyone suggested, I wouldn't have had to feel half the hurt I did. I know it sucks, but don't wait for her, if she would pull crap like this, she really isn't worth waiting for.

[Lion-Guy]

Dang-it. I just made a huge mistake and broke the NC. I didn't even last a day. I just got word that my grandma died. I IMd my ex and told her. She was comforting and told me that she is there for me if I want to talk or meet up.

I told her that I didn't want to be pittied for this, but I just wanted someone to talk to. I asked her if we still had a chance or if it was over. She said "I don't know yet" then said maybe there will be a chance, but that she wasn't ready yet. I said I wasn't ready either and told her I had to go. She said it wouldn't hurt to talk every few days. I said OK and left.

Wow life sure throws curve balls. Two losses in a week.

I really think I can handle the NC thing from here on out. I am just afraid to leave on such a sad and pathetic note as I did today. About being sad about my grandma. I don't want that to be the last memory of me in her head if you know what I mean. I am a strong, prideful guy and can handle this.

Should I talk to her one more time later this week and make sure to end on a good happy note. Then NC from then on out??? Or just NC from here??

[whaywardj]

No. At most, send her a single flower with a non-committal "thinking of you" card. Then prepare yourself to move on. She'll, likely, eventually contact you if you don't contact her. Out of curiousity, if nothing else.

[CircleC]

1. She feels like to she needs to be on her own and go out more and enjoy life while is young
2. I didn't give her enough of my time during the week because I was too busy studying for school
3. We often argue over little things and are both stubborn at times
4. Her co-workers seem to be more attractive and fun to hangout with than me

Thats THREE more reasons than any girl has ever given me! You must have been very hard to let go of. I feel bad for her, but hey, there are better women for you out there.

[Lion-Guy]

No. At most, send her a single flower with a non-committal "thinking of you" card. Then prepare yourself to move on. She'll, likely, eventually contact you if you don't contact her. Out of curiousity, if nothing else.

Haaa...funny you say that cause she just sent me one "I want you to know that even though we are not together, I want you to know that I am here for you now and always."

I don't think the problem is getting her to contact me, but rather to not end up as just friends. Know what I mean?

[CircleC]

I don't think the problem is getting her to contact me, but rather to not end up as just friends. Know what I mean?

I know what you mean man. And if being just friends is the problem you want to avoid, then you will make sure you aren't friends. So you might as well get over her now.

[whaywardj]

On the other hand, who is anyone to praise or blame someone else for choosing the roles they want to play in your life? She was your lover. Now, maybe, she wants to be your friend. Who are you to tell her -- or try to persuade her -- she can't or shouldn't make that choice? That you love her doesn't matter. In the last analysis, urging her off her choice is controlling no matter how you look at it. Denying her your friendship after having been her lover is just being punative. If you were to deny her that, I'd wonder how much you really loved her in the first place.

It's a valid point of view.

[Mish]

p.s. I have a dinner date with an old college friend (a girl) tomorrow. Hopefully seeing some other girls will get my mind of things for now. Thanks for the support and advice.

Honestly, I think NC is over rated. I'd say stay friends with her. I think you're on the right path in seeing other girls. It will make it easier for you to move on. The hard part will be for her, seeing you moving on so soon, but hey she was the one who wanted a break up and a friendship not you...

[Aenarion]

as i kinda have exactly the same problem currently (u can read my topic) in my experience i would strongly advice u to have the no contact strategy, something i miserably failed. Mine gf broke up 2 months ago and she would eventually come back to me. But i couldn't wait, no, i had to contact her everyday, mail her, sms her, not giving her any rest.. things went worse and she has decided not to come back anymore.

If she is really worth the wait, and the only person who knows that is yourself, then give her some time. Just dont linger urself hoping she WILL come back as i did.

[gHEXjt]

as i kinda have exactly the same problem currently (u can read my topic) in my experience i would strongly advice u to have the no contact strategy, something i miserably failed. Mine gf broke up 2 months ago and she would eventually come back to me. But i couldn't wait, no, i had to contact her everyday, mail her, sms her, not giving her any rest.. things went worse and she has decided not to come back anymore.

If she is really worth the wait, and the only person who knows that is yourself, then give her some time. Just dont linger urself hoping she WILL come back as i did.

This is 100% true. I pulled the same kind of shit and it only made things worse.