What do girls see in a boy to fall in love?

[samcrazy]

I consider myself a very nice person. I am average looking guy..not so good looking nor so bad looking. I haven't hurt someone emotionally. I do not drink or smoke. I do not have any bad habits. I am always positive and always a helping person , at my home, office or wherever I am. I help people without thinking of personal benefits. And I am 27 years old but doesn't have some one in my life who loves me. Some of my friends and colleagues i know are selfish, have many bad habits, who doesn't respect girls and few of them who are cheating on their girl friends, many boys i know who think about girls as a thing , which they can use and throw but still they have and get girl friend whenever they want to have. The reason, may be because most of them are either vert good looking or rich. Why can't a girl fall for a decent guy who are actually nice and know meaning of love? I do have female friends and colleagues who just want to be at safe friend zone with me. I just can't understand thinking of girls. They fall for the guy who hurts them, or as they say girls tend to fall for bad guys. I am frustrated!! Is it too much to ask for just one person who can love you as much as you can love her?

[TheEvilJester]

Man, you are asking one of the great mysteries of life. I will say this. Not ALL girls only go for the bad guys who end up hurting them. Not ALL girls only go for the good looking, rich, ridiculously athletic looking types. There are plenty of women out there who are looking for a good guy. There are plenty of women out there who could very well find you very attractive given the chance.

I don't think any of us can necessarily answer that question for you. At least not without a little more details if you are willing to share them. Have you tried asking women out? If so, how do you generally approach it? There could be a lot of factors that play into why you never seem to be able to get past "just friends." One possibility is maybe you get close to women, but then take too long to make your intentions clear. If you are doing that, it could be possible they get to know you too well and start thinking of you as a good friend. Often times, once somebody thinks of you as just a friend it can be hard/near impossible to turn that off.

I think about the best advice I've ever been given (and hence why I often give it to others as well) is to do your best to learn to be happy even without a relationship. Believe me, I know that is SO much easier said than done... but it is a worthwhile pursuit. Find hobbies you enjoy that make you happy. Hobbies that you don't do specifically hoping you'll meet new women.... but bonus points if they happen to be hobbies where you actually MAY after all. In other words, don't do things just because you are hoping you will meet women there, do them just because you enjoy them. If you happen to meet women there, then great.

The more social you become, the easier it becomes to be social.... even with women. Practice makes perfect, so to speak. Believe me, I know I am making all of that sound so much easier than it is. I know that from experience. To be perfectly honest, I'm right there with you. I myself have basically given up hope that there could ever be a woman to love a creature like me. I hope some day fate sees fit to prove me wrong, but I've just been focusing on being happy regardless of my relationship status. And, you know something? I am happier than I've ever been in my life. There will always be part of me that longs to find that true love that has always eluded me, but I'm learning to accept that love just isn't meant for me.

...But you should NOT have to do the same. If you truly are a good guy, love is out there for you to find. It is just so much better and easier to find it when it doesn't feel so make or break for you. That's why it is so much better to instead focus on learning to be happy even alone, so that you can hopefully reach a time where you don't NEED love, but you still hope to find it anyway.

Good luck to you, friend. I hope very soon you find that girl of your dreams you have been looking for. Please don't give up. She's out there looking for you too.

[Hooo!]

Yes and no
Nice is the little brother of ass

Don’t be nice. Be pleasant.
Have intent. If you don’t seduce women usually you will not end up ****ing any.

You do not yet understand what women need or want. And you notice how „jerks“ have multiple women and ask yourself why or how
They are dominant which you are not.

Many men then come to the conclusion that they too have to become jerks. This is wrong. You can be dominant AND pleasant AND altruistic at the same time.

There are other things playing into this too
Flirting
Attitude
Body contact

If you repeatedly are getting a result you don’t want, chances are you are doing the wrong things.
If you run into the friendzone (which doesn’t really exist, it’s rather more the no sex zone )
You are either not seducing or attracting ( I don’t mean attractive!) enough
My guess is You don’t do both enough

I suggest you read up on this
The game by Neal Strauss
Zahn perrions foundation of attraction
And mystery method are good places for you to start

[TheEvilJester]

Don’t be nice. Be pleasant.

I agree with the sentiment of this. Not that being nice is bad. It's good to be a nice person if it is genuine. ....BUT....there is being a nice person and there is being TOO nice. Being too nice can take many forms. It can be that you are so nice you let people walk all over you. It can be you are so nice it comes across as phony. Now, I don't know if any of these ARE the case for you. They are just possible suggestions.

But, it could be you are being too nice to women that interest you. And again, don't misunderstand that. I don't mean to see being nice is bad. It's just that being too nice may be just making you come across as a really good friend... and nothing more. The answer isn't to be a little mean. The answer is just to be more clear about what you want. Not abruptly, rudely clear. It's just like Hooo suggests. Maybe flirt a little. Maybe even just go ahead and ask a gal out if she interests you. Be a little bold. Easier said than done, I know, but it is at least worth it to try.

[Hooo!]

being nice generally is a bad thing (not always but most of the time)

you can be pleasant and altruitive and polite, curteous and respectful
but being nice is different from those things and often not the good way to go.

pretending you are not interested because you know them not to be is nice
buying them roses for a date is nice
not pushing them ever to do anything is nice
giving away free money is nice
not telling someone of if he behaves shit is nice.

but usually you dont achieve anything positive by being nice. on the contrary. (and not even for the persons you deal with)

[TheEvilJester]

That's actually a really good distinction, Hooo. I've never really even thought of it myself. Because, being nice SHOULD be a good thing.... but I do agree with your different connotations for words like "nice" and words like "pleasant," "curteous," "respectful," etc.

I think when I am talking about being nice vs. being TOO nice, that's exactly what I'm trying to get at. I like your differentiation here. I think the other important distinction, too, could be in that somebody is TOO nice if they allow that niceness to be taken advantage of in any way.

Or, as could very well possibly be the case here, it may be that being TOO nice causes him never to try to make any moves to ask a gal out or even show any romantic interests. It is NOT rude to ask a girl out. It is NOT rude to flirt a little or try to subtly indicate interest. It IS rude if you cross any lines as to what is appropriate, but just light, innocent, playful flirting is not rude. If the girl isn't interested, she'll probably make that obvious and you can stop. No harm no foul.

But, by not even trying you aren't even giving yourself a chance.

[topazlight]

Sometimes girl sees a physical attraction, sometimes we see their potential as a future partner and how much there seems to be in common interests and to a lot of people that matters. We see a good sense of humor, that they make us smile and laugh and generally feel better or happier around them, a huge plus. We notice if they are kind or polite to others around them too.

[Hooo!]

But rudeness can lead to the results you want
Some girls see rudeness as domineering and they like it
Whereas niceness is seen as anti dominating and unmannish if you get what I mean

[TheEvilJester]

There I will respectfully disagree with that being a healthy conclusion. I think you can be manly and assertive without being rude. I won't deny that you are definitely correct that some women are attracted to guys who are rude... but I think both those guys and the women who allow that are frankly part of the problem. When it comes right down to it, I'd rather be alone than to be with somebody who would only like me if I pretend to be somebody I'm not. I don't want the kind of woman who would only like a guy who is rude to her.

I am NOT in any way endorsing being a doormat. Being overly nice. I think being nice.... TO A DEGREE.... is a good thing. But I do agree with you that you still should be assertive as well. You can be assertive without being a jerk.

[Snow White]

"But rudeness can lead to the results you want
Some girls see rudeness as domineering and they like it
Whereas niceness is seen as anti dominating and unmannish if you get what I mean " "being nice generally is a bad thing (not always but most of the time)"

Good God! What year is this?! You are perfect the way you are and there is no need for you to try and play games. The problem does not lie with you, but with the insecure women you are talking about. Unfortunately, many women do not think of themselves as being worthy of the upmost respect and love. The "bad boy" is a challenge for them. They feel they can transform them into a better person.

If you find yourself interested in someone, then step up and let it be known before you fall into the "friend zone". You seem like a beautiful person so hold out for the woman who will truly appreciate you.

[mrniceguy3]

Yeah thats a hard one for sure

[Hooo!]

I’m sorry. My post was in no way meant to advise anyone to be rude.
I just wanted to emphasize that niceness is even worse than rudeness which is pretty bad itsself

[TheEvilJester]

I get what you mean, Hooo. I think some of us are just having differing connotations of the word nice in our own minds. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to be thinking of "nice" as being somebody who is "too nice." Like, as in the allow their niceness to be taken advantage of and allow themselves to be used.

I would agree with you that in that connotation, nice is definitely a bad word. Honestly, though, I would personally say that, given that connotation, nice and rude are equally bad. But, that's just me.

Now, on the other hand, I personally think of the word "nice" as being synonymous with some of the alternatives you suggested. I believe there is such a thing as being nice.... but not being a doormat. Being able to be nice in the right situations... but assertive when it is called for as well. So, I think we are kind of just arguing semantics here.

[Hooo!]

No.
Someone is nice when he ties your shoelaces
Nice behaviour is things that are ok but not needed.
If you do something awesome out of altruism it’s awesome
But not nice.

Think about the things that aren’t awesome but just nice
Think about people who are not pleasant or altruistic but just „nice“

The problem is that nice is NOT synonymous to the things mentioned above.
Like my examples: you are nice if you bring her roses.
It’s nice of you to listen to her
It’s nice kissing her on the cheek
Nice is saying nice things that don’t have to be true

- - - Updated - - -

Nice is characterless
It doesn’t tell what you really think or want