My boyfriend fell in love with a coworker, but wants to stay with me

[Lila101]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1,5 year. We live together in a rental apartment, have 2 cats and decided -in our perfect happiness- to buy a building ground together.

All of a sudden, he told me he had doubts about himself and his capabilities in the relationship. After 4 days of utter stress and bitter tears, he finally told me why: he is in love with a coworker that started in his company only 2 months ago. I send him away to sleep somewhere else for awhile. Nevertheless, he says he wants to stay with me, he quit his job, and does everything he can to convince me to continue the relationship.

My trust is completely broken. We had a great relationship, never fought, have a lot of mutual friends, our families adore us,... I never saw it coming. On the contrary! If anything, I was too nice to him. I did everything in the household, was always (too?) understanding, never even raised my voice. He says, and I think so too, he took me for granted and that he didn't realize it until now. He is a very genuine and very quiet, analytical person, while I am the talkative, emotional one.

Even though our relationship was good, especially for him, and I was perfectly happy, now I feel I have been missing a lot and that it's not worth going back to after all of this. On the other hand, I love him of course and he is telling and doing everything I want him to.

What do I do? Do I let him back into my life, with his promises he'll do everything to make me feel like a princess, even though that means having major trust issues? Or do I let go, even though that means leaving the man I thought was my one and only, as he is showing right now?

I am extremely confused and in need of good advise...

Lila

[pcmaster]

So whats your problem? Hes still your boyfriend doing the right thing, wanting to be with you, quit even his job what was unecessary I think.

Last year I had a GF of 8 months and relationship wasnt fresh anymore - I was not interested in sexual things anymore and When girl asked to I really love her I hesitated with an answer. Anyway I was going tru some major health problems and my GF supported me emotionaly and was sticking by my side. But I fell in love with nurse who cared for me. Sure few weeks cant be enough to really fall in mature love but it could be called infatuation. Anyway despite that I was still a good boyfriend cause I paid attention to my GF on dates and still wanted to kiss her and want to be with her. I was doing the right thing. Never made a move on nurse or let her now otherwise but feelings was there for few weeks.

See it as a test to your relationship. Your BF cleary have passed the test and gotten over it but you still have to pass this little test in relationship and got over your trust issues.

So it seems like your BF have the same problem only mistake he did was telling you about it cause you act too sensitive what is not recipe to happiness. When you are confident you know your BF will choose you over other girls and your long relationship are safe even with some other girl temporary on a horizon. Feeling of jealousy and insecurity dont exist when you know what you are worth. Looks like you dont know it but your BF did show you it by doing all the things to be with you.
I say take him back but if after few years trust is not back then it will never will.
Also I think you could do with couples counselor or therapist and perhaps see sex therapist too if you come back together and want to restore and refresh sexual life.

[mrniceguy3]

Jeez ok thats a hard one

[Hooo!]

let Me tell you a story that has happened to/with me some years ago

In the beginning of my current relationship (like after 2 years or so) I have made the Realisation that my feelings of “love” were gone or diminished.
This has bothered me grately
I even fancied other girls and I wasn’t sure wether I should continue my relationship at all
There came the point when I needed some distance (like you do now)

What I didn’t realize until then is that there is a difference between having a crush on someone and being in love with someone.

During my time of distance I realized that even so the great feeling of butterflies in the stomach, the animal magnetism and the exitement had gone to a great extend, but beneath that there was another feeling I did not know until then. It wasn’t as obvious to me at first.
I just realized that even though I didn’t have many feelings anymore I needed and wanted my girl in my life.
I realized that with all the problems we had and the things that annoyed me about her I simply belonged to her and she to me.

I don’t like to be melodramatic. I can’t really put that feeling into words.
But today I know that having a crush and being in love are two fundamentally different feelings.

Feel free to send him my story. Because maybe he then understands what I mean.

[TheEvilJester]

What I didn’t realize until then is that there is a difference between having a crush on someone and being in love with someone.

Absolutely! This is a mistake a lot of people make.... but one most don't realize they are making. That excited, passionate, crazy in love feeling doesn't last forever. They call that the "honeymoon phase." But... that actually SHOULDN'T be a bad thing. Sure, the excitement of that time is fun... but it is easy to feel in love during that time. When that newness fades, that can actually be a good thing. Because you can find that you know each other, flaws and all, and yet still love each other anyway. You can find that they are a person you simply cannot see living without.

Honestly, that time should be even BETTER because you know you truly love each other. That isn't to say the fire and passion should be gone forever. There are always ways to re-spark and enjoy that passion. Relationships always take work, but the right one is worth it.

Now, you are definitely in a tough situation, Lila. I can most definitely understand how you feel in your doubt. I can't blame you for that. Yet, at the same time, he ultimately didn't go through with anything... which is at least a good sign. He had confusing feelings for somebody else.... yet decided YOU were more important to him. That's not nothing.

While in a relationship, we don't cease to be human. We will all experience times where we find somebody else attractive/interesting. Hopefully not quite to the degree he did, but it DOES happen. Thing is, maybe it actually helped him to realize how much you mean to him after all. Maybe he was (even if unintentionally) taking you for granted, and this has helped him to see the err in his ways.

Honestly, I couldn't blame you if you couldn't get past it anyway.... but it may be worth it to at least give him that chance. Don't let your guard down completely, but just give him the chance to prove that maybe this truly HAS changed him for the better. I mean, ultimately if he proves no better, or worse eventually DOES cheat on you, it isn't like you are stuck with him. On the other hand, maybe this truly did help him to see just how much he'd be losing if he lost you.

Again, it has to be your decision, though. You have to do what is right for you. I certainly could not blame you if you just cannot see past this. If it has hurt you too deeply to see taking him back. But, I will say this.... how many guys out there cheat on their gals, and more often than not don't even think twice about it? Your fella didn't even act on these feelings AT ALL, and yet still felt bad and made efforts to make it right. That, to me, is a pretty good start.

Good luck to you.

[johnbgb]

Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d()gmail.com, he has the charm to make everything right for you. Trust me

[janelove121]

Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d()yahoo.com, he has the spiritual charm to make everything right back for you. Trust me

[Lila101]

Thank you so much for this story. I just sent this through to him!

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Thank you for the advice, it was very helpful!