How do i accept being alone my whole life?

[Snow White]

I have read through the posts and it seems I am the only woman to give my opinion.It broke my heart to read what you think about yourself. I am a true believer in what we believe ourselves to be becomes our truth. You say you are very unattractive. Perhaps even deformed. I saw a story about a young man who was born without arms or legs. He is married and has children.

If you truly believe that you are a loser, then, yes, that is what you will be. Are you kind? Are you respectful? Not all women are shallow. Your salary isn't important. Whether you work out at the gym or not isn't important. You have to BELIEVE you are worthy of love and that you have love to give. I don't believe any of us was put on this earth to be alone and lonely. Nothing will change for you until you change your mindset. You must learn to love yourself first. Would a therapist help? Did you receive no encouragement as a child?

Whether you believe it or not, there IS someone out there who will love you for exactly who you are, but you must learn to love yourself and accept yourself and know you are as worthy of love as anyone else.

[jeffersson]

And I’m sitting here wondering:
.

i read books about self esteem/dating/how to be a good talker, i have therapists, i am working out (and yoga), i am a member of several dating sites and forums, i have a job, i go to floorball group (i also tried other hobby groups), i try to be social, positive and smile, i have pets, i try different hairstyles/clothes/styles etc

but nothing is working, it does not matter what i do, i am still me.

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...

I am aware of that there is some guys who are deformed etc that have wife/gf, but its just 1 in 1000, why do you ignore the rest 999. and that 1 guy in 1000 is either rich and have great social skills.

Well if we go after society-rules then yes i am a loser, but i see myself as a human being....i just wished someone could accept me for who i am even if i am a so called "loser".

Yes, i would say i am kind and respectful. True that not all women are shallow, but how many women would accept a guy who is below average in everything? 1 % of all women perhaps ? and why would they choose me when i am a loser even among losers?

How can my salary not be important? Money is important part of life, what women would want a guy who have bad job and only gets 1 000 euro every month?

Its not about my mindset, i am just being honest of what i am and what others think about me. If i ever gonna be in a relationship then someone has to accept me for who i am, i can not be someone else even if want to (i tried).

i have 2 therapists, 1 male 1 female. i tried 2 others aswell (also a male and a female).

yes my mom and dad where very lovely and kind to me, i had great relations with my sibblings aswell and with my aunts, grandma, cousins etc. i had many friends aswell. my childhood was awesome.

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You are not ready to change. .

I already followed all those advice and they are not working. If a cat tries to be a dog it will fail since the cat can not change who it is no matter how much the cat wants it and no matter how hard it tries. Its still a cat...

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Believe me, I understand how you feel. I've been there myself. So... let's examine this a little closer...

Women want a extrovert guy. But yes i am open to do more stuff. But i can not change my introvert life-style to 100 %.

I have 1 000 euro every month, 300 to rent, 200 to bills. 300 to food and then i have 200 to buy whatever i want. its enough, but it will not be for women, i need to have 2 000 euro every month to get socially accepted and a better job. but i can not get better jobs, nobody wants to hire me. i am not smart enough for certain jobs and not smart enough to get a good education.

my flaws:

bad posture (back and neck, born with it did not get it from too much sitting infront of computer etc)

extremely red lips (looks like lipstick)

little head.

big and deformed nose.

bushy eyebrows.

walking strange.

crooked foot.

ptosis/lazy eye.

my skin is terrible.

i have a weird way of looking with my eyes.

acne.

deformed fingers (they are crooked)

Both legs looks strange.

extremely skinny arms.

long forehead,

birthmarks in the face.

incredible bad at talking with people (i suspect that I have some kind of light damage to the brain)

weird voice.

hairy.

skinny/ugly looking Pen¤s

unibrow.

skin that protrudes at the nails.

Hiatus hernia.

strange / ugly hair.

big ears.

virgin and unkissed even though I'm so old.

few friends (never had a female friend).

Dyslexia.

stupid, low iq.

poor eyesight.

afraid of dogs and cats.

will never have a good job and never have a lot of money.

sometimes there are a lot of embarrassing random leak and saliva out of my mouth.

ugly looking teeth and they are yellow.

Sometimes I stammer.

blinks a lot with the eyes.

licking my lips alot.

extreme dandruff (no schampoo helps me)

sweats a lot and often, i use soap and rollon and try different versions .... but of course its not working.

Snores loud/weird according to my brothers. I sound like a car (?)

sleeping problems. Whick makes me look tired and sad.

no clothes suits me. I look ugly in everything.

long neck.


Etc. I can just keep going. I tried everything to fix my flaws but nothing is working. I am 0 of 10 on the look scale. No women will accept a guy with that many flaws, lets be realistic.

[pcmaster]

Some girls don't care howbyou look, they want just something to cuddle with. Dont give up yet you are not 80 years old, theres still many years ahead. No one know what future holds. If you want positive life, you have to think positive. Thats all.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, if all of that is true than may I be the first to say I am sorry to hear all that. Nobody deserves to have to suffer through all of that. I can't necessarily say I've experienced life like that myself, but I can at least say that, in many ways, I've felt just as ugly as you seem to think you are. Frankly, I personally think there can be beauty found in everybody. I don't think you are even nearly as ugly as you think you are, and I think that some girl some day could feel that the issues you describe do not change the beautiful person you are.

I know, to some degree, how you feel. I too have tried a lot of the same advice people give all the time. None of it has ever worked for me either. I understand how hopeless it can feel. The only thing I can say is that we all do mean well. Even if you've heard our advice from others over and over.... even if you've already tried everything we suggest... we only wish to help in any way we can. But, I know that it can be so hard to see any hope.

I've shared my thoughts and advice and am happy to keep doing so if you want to keep reading it. But, for now I will just wish you the absolute best. I hope somebody very special comes along some day and she makes you realize how wrong you've been to doubt yourself all this time. But, perhaps even more importantly, I hope you find the strength to care for yourself enough to be happy with or without that special gal. Believe me, it is easier said than done. I know that from my own experience.

You've survived quite a lot it seems... and despite it all you are still here. That is not nothing, my friend. Despite all you have been through, despite all the issues you describe, you still fight on. You haven't given up. There's still part of you hoping to find that true love. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, friend. You CAN survive this and even thrive because of it. I hope some day you get your fairy tale ending, but at the very least I hope you find the happiness you deserve within yourself. Good luck.

[Hooo!]

So you tried everything
And I’m sitting here reading you’ve got a uNibrow
And you’ve tried everything?

Lol dude no. If you got a unibrow ffs just pluck your eyebrows.

You’ve got pets a job and go to a floorball club and you insist you are a loser?
Many people would give much to have what you have.

Talking to people is learnable. Just by doing it.
You think the problem is who you think you are.
Because you’ve got such a realistic view of yourself.

Please follow me on a little excourse here.
Please imagine you know Tom.
Tom is very good looking. He has a decent sense of Humor is friendly and has a house.
Yet he is totally and absolutely sure that women hate him. He is absolutely sure that he is a loser, ugly and cannot talk to any person let alone women.
He is so sure that he is a retarded loser. Absolutely sure that his view of imself is realistic.

So I’m asking you some questions about Tom:
Is his view about himself realistic?
Is Tom going to be successful in his life and or especially with women?
Would (and if so: how) his life change if he just believed the opposite of what he did.

I’m not saying you are Tom. I just want to present a point

[madotnw_nihs]

Call me a non-believer, but I think he is pulling our chain which is why I haven't responded forever.

[Snow White]

Well, if that is truly what you believe to be true about yourself, then, yes, you will always be alone. But it will be of your own doing. Confidence and charisma trumps good looks. You see beautiful women with unattractive men all the time and I'm talking about models who already have their own money.

Acne? go to a dermatologist, uni-brow? tweeze it, yellow teeth? use a whitener, hairy? get waxed. I could continue like this for the majority of your list. I don't want to sound mean, but you seem quite comfortable at your pity party. You MUST change the way you see yourself and think about yourself. You reap what you sow. Your thoughts create your future.

Do you REALLY want to change your life? I want to suggest a book that changed my life and I think will be very helpful to you and the changes you need to make if you really want to. The book is "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay. PLEASE read it.

[jeffersson]

Some girls don't care howbyou look, they want just something to cuddle with. Dont give up yet you are not 80 years old, theres still many years ahead. No one know what future holds. If you want positive life, you have to think positive. Thats all.

I know not all women are shallow, but my flaws are too many. I am not just ugly, i am very ugly.

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So you tried everything
And I’m sitting here reading you’ve got a uNibrow
And you’ve tried everything?

Lol dude no. If you got a unibrow ffs just pluck your eyebrows.

You’ve got pets a job and go to a floorball club and you insist you are a loser?
Many people would give much to have what you have.

Talking to people is learnable. Just by doing it.
You think the problem is who you think you are.
Because you’ve got such a realistic view of yourself.

Please follow me on a little excourse here.
Please imagine you know Tom.
Tom is very good looking. He has a decent sense of Humor is friendly and has a house.
Yet he is totally and absolutely sure that women hate him. He is absolutely sure that he is a loser, ugly and cannot talk to any person let alone women.
He is so sure that he is a retarded loser. Absolutely sure that his view of imself is realistic.

So I’m asking you some questions about Tom:
Is his view about himself realistic?
Is Tom going to be successful in his life and or especially with women?
Would (and if so: how) his life change if he just believed the opposite of what he did.

I’m not saying you are Tom. I just want to present a point

I do plock my eyebrows/unibrows, but you can see traces of it because its so thick.

How can it be learnable for me when i always fail to talk with people? I even have problem to talk with guys. You do realise that some people have disabilities so that they can not learn/get better?

No, tom has not a realistic view on himself. But unlike Tom i actually have all those flaws i listed and i dont hate women.

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Call me a non-believer, but I think he is pulling our chain which is why I haven't responded forever.

No, I am serious.

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Well, if that is truly what you believe to be true about yourself, then, yes, you will always be alone. But it will be of your own doing. Confidence and charisma trumps good looks. You see beautiful women with unattractive men all the time and I'm talking about models who already have their own money.

Acne? go to a dermatologist, uni-brow? tweeze it, yellow teeth? use a whitener, hairy? get waxed. I could continue like this for the majority of your list. I don't want to sound mean, but you seem quite comfortable at your pity party. You MUST change the way you see yourself and think about yourself. You reap what you sow. Your thoughts create your future.

Do you REALLY want to change your life? I want to suggest a book that changed my life and I think will be very helpful to you and the changes you need to make if you really want to. The book is "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay. PLEASE read it.

It is true, why would it be wrong? Others also claims all those stuff about me. And the fact that no women never liked me not even as a friend is proof that i am not good enough. Some people HAVE many flaws and will never get accepted. Life never was fair. Confidence and charisma does not really do anything since i look really bad and my social status is zero and i am not a good talker. So its not just my bad looks that hinders me. I am worse than unattractive, i am 0-1 on the look scale.

dermatologist is expansive here in sweden.

I do tweeze my unibrow but it looks strange afterwards, small traces left of it.

whitener is not working.

I could continue like this for the majority of your list? I already gone throw all those flaws so many times with my therapists and myself and i can not see in any way how i can fix those flaws. But sure if you think you can help me with those flaws then tell me.

Its not about how i see myself its about how others see me, nobody accepts me because i have too many flaws, flaws i can not fix. I am stuck, so someone has to accept me for who i am which of course will not happen since people are shallow.

I read alot of books, but sure i can read that one too.

[Hooo!]

There u are wrong. Tom has a very realistic view of himself.
Not because he really is inherently unable but because he thinks he is.
Do you understand that?

BTW you are talking on this forum just fine.

[jeffersson]

There u are wrong. Tom has a very realistic view of himself.
Not because he really is inherently unable but because he thinks he is.
Do you understand that?

BTW you are talking on this forum just fine.

Yes, he is not inherently unable, but i am.

Compare my writing with other users and you will see that i express myself very weird/dumb.

[Hooo!]

Let us stay with Tom for a while.

We agree that he is inherently able to have the outcomes he want. However he is very deeply convinced he cannot.
If anyone tried to change his mind, what would happen?
is There a possible way to change toms beliefs or behaviour? How would you suggest one going about that?

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, maybe allowing yourself a break from the pursuit of love could be helpful. Not a permanent break, of course. Just like the others, I do not believe that your chances at love are as hopeless as you seem to think. But, sometimes it can actually help to take a brief break. Focus, instead, on things that make you happy. Things that make you feel more confident in yourself. Ways to improve yourself because YOU want to and not because you think it will please others.

Sometimes you will be surprised at how much that can help. At how much the things you want to do to improve your own happiness will also wind up improving the way others see you. If nothing else, it at least gives you a break from all the misery of feeling so alone. Because, it sort of sounds like you aren't in the right mindset right now to find love. So, it may be very possible that continuing to try would just continue to reinforce your own negative thoughts about your self. You may need some time to take care of you so you can eventually get back out there again with a new-found acceptance of yourself.

Again, I'll confess I know from experience how that is so much easier said than done. I also do not agree that negativity or positivity have AS MUCH of an affect as some people may claim. It isn't like you decide to think positive and magically everything goes well.... or you can't help but think negative and magically your life goes to crap. It's just that, you can, unknowingly, reinforce that negativity in your own life and thereby miss opportunities to turn things around or even sabotage them without realizing you are doing so. So, attitude IS important if only for allowing yourself the absolute best chance at happiness, even if it is happiness you are only able to find internally.

Good luck to you in your journey. I sincerely hope that some day the universe chooses to prove to you how wrong you've been.

[pcmaster]

Yeah, I agree with Jester. Topic name is how do you accept being alone all your life. Think you need to learn to be alone and happy on your own before you are ready to find love. With this mindset pushing yourself into relationship asks for disaster. Have to learn how to love yourself first before give or recieve love. You need a therapist. Yeah its expensive but you can start with free stuff that is out there. One free thing is 7cups,com where you can chat with listeners for free and even awarded bot who can help to some extend. Then there is 3 weeks free trial with therapist online and anothee site is BetterHelp where you can have weeks of free therapy online and whwn you cancel - want to cancel, they give you another week of free therapy. I think in therapy you need ro talk about your flaws and how bad your life is. So therapist could see your unhealthy self image and fix that. Also you need help to get unstuck cause no much progress is made in your life now. Good luck man! See you on the other side ^_-!

[omgtotallyxo]

My flaws:


Introvert.
Very unattractive (1 of 10 on the look scale).
Weird and odd.
Low social status.
Unkissed virgin.
Low income job.
Etc

I am a classic "loser guy", and guys like me are never in relationship, maybe just 0.1 % of us (the best ones), so its mission impossible.

I tried fix myself, but nothing is working.

My only hope is that a women accept me for who i am no matter how much of a loser i am but lets face it, that will never happen.

I never had a female friend. Women either ignore me or it ends after 3-4 sentance.

Guys who are like me are viewed as a "creep" or "sociopath" due to all the flaws i have. People have all kind of sterotypes about "loser guys".

I dont believe in the crap about "there is someone for everyone" etc. I know many who lived alone whole life.

So my question is, how do i accept the fact that i will never be in a relationship? I feel really bad when i think about it.... I understand it is not a right to be in a relationship, but still i have this urge to have one....not sure why....


I want to let go, to forget about women.

Know that loneliness isn't limited to people who are ugly, introverted, poor, and low status if that makes you feel better. Relationships are much more complicated than that. Some people might even prefer that you are not attractive, introverted, poor, and low status as it gives them some sense of security that you will likely not find anyone better than them. This is a strange and illogical world.

There is someone for everybody. There are people who have fetish for migets. So, why can't someone like you?

[Snow White]

Well, it sounds like you have made up your mind and have convinced yourself of your unworthiness. It is true, you will never have a relationship until you can love yourself. Again, please read the book I recommended.