Lovebombed

[lovebombed]

I am depressed.
I think my girlfriend had cheated on me several times, with her ex boyfriend and at least one other guy.
She hardly touches me. We never cuddle. I really enjoy cuddling, that’s how I bond with someone. I live every day waiting for her to give me emotional crumbs. She gives me the bare minimum of affection and only kisses me deeply when we have sex. I love her and in her own way I think she loves me, but I can’t iive the rest of my life with someone that doesn’t meet me halfway with affection, physical touch. I need it daily and lots of it.
We had a very active sex life at one time. Now we might have it once a week, which a lot of people would be grateful for, but it dropped off suddenly from at least 6 or 7 times a week. This has happened int he last few weeks. I think she’s either manipulating me for my money, which I don’t have much, but more than her, or she is just not emotionally available. I wish I didn’t love her so much. I understand now all of those women that stay with the wrong man for years, hoping he’ll change. She and I have been together a year and she doesn’t see a need to change.
I do everything for her. I cook, do dishes, laundry, bring her meals to her. I’m her fool. I’ve degraded myself and I hate myself for this. Right now I have no way of ending it without kicking her out and ruining her life. She did move in with me from another town and she quit her job, has started anew and is doing well. If I break up with her, that is all over and she’ll have nowhere to go. I’m so lost. I want my old self back. I ****ed up and let a sociopath into my heart. I've seen her tell some big lies to her family, friends and even her ex. She tells me she's never lied to me, which I know is a ****ing lie.
She’ll never read this. She couldn’t care less, as long as she has what she wants. She’s hot, then cold. I think they call that love bombing. The only reason I”m posting this here is because I have no one else to talk to. My friends all told me I was being played. I didn’t listen. For that I now pay the price.

[madotnw_nihs]

So you the advice from your friends which you don't take action on. You know she is lying and giving enough in the relationship. It should be easy to just boot her out the door.

Next time you are with a girl, make sure she knows you need to cuddle many times everyday. I can't speak for the ladies, but just seems clingy to me.

[lovebombed]

Thanks for the reply. You're right, wanting to cuddle a lot might be the definition of clingy. I don't really care though. One person's clingy is another ones devotion. In my experience, females like to snuggle and cuddle more than most men. The odd part is, I haven't always been so needy. I fell head over heels with this girl like I did for my first love. I was married for 9.5 years and, while I did enjoy snuggling with my ex when things were healthy, I never wanted to be so close to anyone.
But this girl keeps me at arms length until she wants sex. Then, she will touch and kiss me. It's pretty frustrating to try and connect numerous times be pushed away. I get that people need space. At times, I do too. But at night, when we've both had a long day, even if we aren't about to have sex, I want to feel her arms across my chest. I want to feel her breathing on my skin. I want our energies to envelope one another. In my opinion, if you're in love with someone, you should want that type of intimate connection. And she knows this about me. It sometimes feels as though she uses my needs as ammunition. While I am conscious of it, I still can't stop treating her well. I understand that this is counterintuitive and I have been discussing this with my therapist.
I know the not everyone is like me. I know people show affection in a myriad of ways. But at some point you have to meet halfway.
I have trust issues based on how I've seen her handle the truth. I guess that, coupled with the feeling of something missing, plus her sensing my lack of trust all plays into it. I sometimes wonder if I should be in a relationship at all until i can love myself more. I acknowledge my short comings and I don't want to hurt her or myself. I'm venting here. It helps. I appreciate your reading my story.