boyfriend is looking for "perfect" woman

[violete]

Hello.

I would really apreciate some insight on my story, I will try to explain it as short as possible.

I am 30, my boyfriend of one and a half year is 40. None of us have kids or have been married and we both want a family.
We get along great, we have the same life goals, we have so much fun together, we even live together (for a year).
We started out as friends, he was going through a break up (he was with his ex for 9years), he had medical issues, he moved etc. We hung out and started romantic relationship. Even in the beggining he said he enjoys our time together, but doesn't know what the future brings. As things were going great, I could see us being in the long haul, making plans together and so on. But he always said he is having difficulties with decision making, responsibilities and that he can't decide on us and only time will tell.

Over time, we met each others parents, coworkers know we are together,... So I king of thought that he decided and that he saw me in his future. But a month ago he tells me he likes things as they are, but he doesn't know if I am the one. That he has this picture in his head, where he finds his "perfect" woman and everything in his life will kind of fall into place. He knows that doesn't exist, but he still wants it/wishes for it/waits for it.
Every time I mention marriage or babies, he freaks out. He is affraid that if he said "YES" to our relationship, that after some time he will meet his perfect woman and regret telling me yes. He sees marriage and kids as a commitment, where he would stay..
So he doesn't want to be tied down this way, so he is avoiding it. He knows he has issues and I told him to get someone (therapist) to talk to, but of course, other things in life are always more important...

What should I do? Should I wait for time to tell and give him space to figure things out?

Thank you so much for reading and answering
Violeta

[bulrush]

> But he always said he is having difficulties with decision making, responsibilities and that he can't decide on us and only time will tell.

Big red flag. Sounds like he doesn't want to risk a commitment because he doesn't want to risk getting hurt. No risk, no reward. This is not a man, this is a boy.

> That he has this picture in his head, where he finds his "perfect" woman and everything in his life will kind of fall into place. He knows that doesn't exist, but he still wants it/wishes for it/waits for it.

He knows she doesn't exist but he's still searching for it? Does this sound like a reliable man, or does it sound like a boy with an unreachable fantasy?

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you about him, because I used to be a bit like him. He's not ready for commitment or marriage. He's still a boy who wants a guarantee that he won't get hurt. So he doesn't need a girlfriend, he needs a refrigerator with a guarantee.

He probably won't fix himself until he does meet the perfect girl, and then she leaves him because he refuses to deal with his problems. He needs a kick in the pants.

[Yadi]

He doesn't struggle that much with commitment and relationships, he was in one for years! I'm sorry, but my guess is that this guy is having you on. You want to find someone who doesn't need convincing to be with you. Someone who doesn't want someone "better". Someone who loves you. Stop wasting time and find someone who cares for you. This guy might realise what his has when its gone, but if he doesn't realise what he has, you definitely want to find someone who does.

I think the age old advice applied here. You have to love yourself. With all your flaws and all your awesome bits. Just love yourself and then you will realise that anything less than that from another is not worth your time.