Cant Stand My Boyfriend’s Sister in law

[Curlysuex0]

My boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 years now and his older brother has been dating his gf for 4. They recenlty got married and had a baby this summer. But i really just cannot stand this chick! Since day 1 she has been rude and nasty to me making comments about my weight and how skinny I am and everytime shes around she just says some offensive bullshit. I told my bf i dont like her but they have a close relationship, i feel like he didnt even take me seriously. He just says thats just how her personality is but idk if i can deal with it anymore. What bothers me most is how he still texts her when he knows how i feel about her. Like i understand shes the mother of his niece but shes like 3 years older than us and acts so immature. I feel like she messes with him on purpose to get under my skin  i have no idea what to do bc obviously im serious about our relationship but lately ive been questioning it bc im not sure if i can deal with this girl for the rest of my life. What should i do? Anyone been in the same situation? HELP

[madotnw_nihs]

I agree with Grumpy to an extent. But what if your relationship gets more serious and you decided to get married. Will he or won't he choose you over the sister in law.
To me, sister in law isn't really family where I would choose her over my gf.

[Hooo!]

Obviously you are not doing a good job explaining this to your man.
He does not understand but we do.
So either he is very dumb or you did not communicate with him as clearly as you did it with us

[TheEvilJester]

To some degree, I can understand his viewpoint. This is his brother's wife and the mother of his niece. There is some level to which he has to let things slide and it is better just to ignore it. By the same token, there is a level to which you should just ignore it and dismiss it as that is just the way she is and that is her loss, not anybody else's.

.....BUT.... there's also a level where that crosses the line. There's a level of disrespect that is certainly NOT okay. Without being closer to the situation, I don't think any of us can justifiably speculate on whether she's crossed that line or not. On whether you should just let it slide or it IS something that needs to be addressed. Bottom line, though... it bothers you, so it should bother him. Even if HE thinks it is just who she is and not that big a deal, he needs to back you up in seeing how much it bothers you.

So, I agree that he SHOULD say something. Probably to his brother rather than directly to her. Yes, this is his sister-in-law... but if you two have any kind of serious relationship, wouldn't you expect that eventually you might be his wife? I'm not saying you two have to be even anywhere near that point yet. You may not feel you two are at that point for a while, but shouldn't that inevitably be the end goal? Even in the interim, she may be his sister-in-law, but you are his girlfriend. You should come first.

Now, all that said, I am NOT saying that intending to vilify him or say he is wrong, wrong, WRONG!!! Honestly, he may not mean any harm in it. He may not see just how much she bothers you. Chances are, she probably bothers him too but he just tries to understand, to let it slide, and to assume it is just who she is. Again, she's his brother's wife, so I can understand why he'd maybe want to avoid the issue if he can. If it bothers you enough, talk to him about it. If you think you CAN let it slide for now, then let it slide unless it does get out of hand. Hopefully in time she'd mature a little, accept you, and lighten up. Hopefully that could happen without you even having to bring it up for discussion. But, if you are getting to a point where you can't accept it, then talk to your fella about it.

You don't have to/shouldn't come at it like you are telling him "Deal with this or else!" Discuss it to show that you understand his viewpoint, but want him to also understand that her actions are bothering you. Something like "Believe me, I do understand that she is your brother's wife, I don't want you to have to cause drama, but she's been very disrespectful to me and that is hurtful to me. I've tried to just turn a blind eye the same way you do. I want to avoid having to escalate things as well, but there is only so much I am willing to ignore it." Kind of like that, but obviously put it in your own words.

Again, hopefully you don't even have to bring it up at all. Hopefully she starts to lighten up in time. But, you'd not be wrong at all to address it if it starts to cross (or has already crossed) the line. Good luck to you.