Tired of feeling less and ignored

[rx123123]

This is a long post, expressing my feelings and annoyance of one thing in my life, Sorry in advance and if you decide to read it I'd love some advice

I don't get it why my gf doesn't reply to me sometimes when she is online, or when she has all the time to check her phone. Everyone else, my friends, best friends, familly, reply to me as soon as they check their phone and super fast.
A very important note before I continue: When she is truly busy, like going out with friends/family, talking to someone, doing something, I totally understand and I don't even expect a reply, I even tell her that it is rude to keep chatting on the phone if you are with someone.

But this, not replying when nothing much is going on, pisses me off. It makes me feel not loved, and makes me think that she prefers doing other stuff than replying or talking to me while I on the other hand, I enjoy talking to her and everytime she msgs me I'll reply as soon as I see it if I'm not in the middle of something or out with people etc.. I don't get that return feeling though...

I do love her a lot but that's the one thing we had an issue with since day one, we've been dating distant relationship for 3 years and I told her since the beginning that this bothers me and I feel I am not a priority in your life, we even broke up for a month cz of at that.

what triggered it was: the 3rd month after we dated I send her a file I made that has all our best moment pics and telling her how much I love her, and she reads it, then do not reply or call or anything, then after 2-3 hours I ask her where did you disappear ?? and she said "oh sorry I saw your picture while talking to a friend who called me, and I thought oh this is so lovely, then I went to dinner and closed the phone. But this is sooo sweeet love it and love youuu "(she is trying to make up for her late reply )

Anyway after that 1 month breakup we got back together, I wanted to give it another try cz I love everything else about her, and later after few months, it happens again, she start ignoring my messages, or replying after hours, even if she shows up online several times in between, don't answer my calls, sleep and wake up without saying gn/gm...

At some point and after mentioning it to her 10+ times I told her: " I can't continue like this, I put you always in priority and make sure your needs are met, but I don't feel you do the same, I think don't have the same values and it's better to take a break for now and see where life takes us"

After I told her that, she called me, cried and said she loves me so much and she'll do anything to make it work. She did, the first couple of weeks, replies instantly, say gm/gn, gives me love and affection, makes me feel loved.

then back to the same story... I love her a lot, so I'm like I got to understand her and why she acts she way. I honestly never did and that's why I'm here.

But you might wonder why after 3 years that I write this post, well, I joined recently the same company she works for but in a different country, and no not because of her, I applied to that company before I met her :p

Anyway, now we are both on the same chatting system of the company, and again, all my friends reply instantly and I do the same, and only her, only her in my entire circle do not reply when she is online or takes a looot to do so.

And btw, when she is exited about something, or she wants to know an information I have, or she needs help with something. She's like instantly replying, and stays late talking etc...

I sound a lot angry, I am not that angry usually but I decided to go all in in this post, that would relieve me a bit at least...

All in all, I want someone by my side that supports me, is there for me, act like my best friend before being my partner, someone I can rely on, talk to and chit chat when I need to, not someone that I count the hours till she replies, or keep thinking of being interesting to get a reply..

I'm not sure why she acts this way my only 2 options are : 1) she is self centered and do not think how I feel if she acts this way. 2) she loves me less than I do. But i'm sure she loves me because she brought the subject of her wanting to spend the rest of her life with me many times.

few. That felt good, If you read all or part of it thank youu. I just wanted to let this off my chest.

[madotnw_nihs]

Social Media and technology is great, but it certainly presents a lot of new issues. The idea of responding immediately to messages is one of them. Some people love to respond right away, some people like to respond at their convenience. It doesn't necessary mean they love you any less. I do read text and messages and sometimes I don't respond right away. If you are certain that she loves you, I would try to let this go. You did already bring this up, and she did try to change (albeit for a couple weeks) But it's not easy to change this behavior, and frankly, it's not that major of a problem.

[Hooo!]

Really? Get a grip on yourself.
If you feel unloved because your attention is not regarded with immediate response then this is your „problem“ to deal with.

If this is weird to you then stop texting your girlfriend. Problem solved.

[rx123123]

Oh man, I wish i can explain how it happens, the little details In certain situations are the ones who make me angry. For example: i ask her how she is, and it’s been a whole day we haven’t spoken, 2 hours later, someone message on a group, she instantly replies to that group with enthusiasm, and firecty reply something fast and short to me so i don’t feel that she chose the reply to this group and ignore me. Another example, i speak to her all day, no response, then i found out that she has been chatting with her friend and spending all her time on the phone, when she told me it’s a busy day..
I mean you can just tell me i don’t feel like talking today and i get the **** out! But telling me you miss me and cant find time to talk to me when you ignore my messages all day makes me angry.
A third example: One night after work she passed by my sisters place to Say hi and drop them a gift that she bought a while ago for their wedding, when my sister opens the door, (what my sister told me) she started to cry and telling them that they reminded her of me and she misses me, while literraly i’m chating to her all day and she doesnt respond! Then i text my sister who was sitting next to her «*miss you guys*» and she instantly take the phone and video call me to say hi! I mean i expect that behaviour from my gf!
it would make me so happy to have someone like my sister. At least she said oh he’s alone in another country while we are all gathered having fun, lets call him and say hi. Instead of ignoring me all night and telling everyone else but me that she misses me... wats the point

[TheEvilJester]

On the surface, I will say that I agree with the others. Some people are just different when it comes to things like texting/calling/etc. She just may not be the type that wants to text all day. To her, maybe she truly does miss you as much as she says, but texting just isn't the same to her. Maybe rather than chatting via text all day, she'd rather save those things to talk about/share when you are actually physically together. Some people are just different when it comes to those kind of things.

.....BUT..... there is a limit to where that is reasonable in my personal opinion. ...And again, maybe it is just that... MY personal opinion. ...But a good example is when you sent her the collage of pictures of the two of you.... and she ignores that for hours. I'm sorry, but that was exactly the sort of situation where a response SHOULD have come the moment she saw it. Didn't even have to mean that you two had an ongoing conversation via text. Just a nice little "Wow! That is so amazing! Thank you" and that could have been it. So, there, I can honestly understand why you were upset.

That and I also find it very suspect that she can instantly respond to texts from other people and yet never seems to with you. So, whereas I do generally agree with the others, I do also agree that there are limits to that. I mean, imagine we lived in a world without the technological advances of recent years. Imagine phone calls were still the only way we had to instantly connect with each other. Imagine you called her constantly but she never answered and never called back. How many people would think THAT was just perfectly okay?

So, yes, on the surface this is not necessarily something you should let bother you. Some people just aren't all that into texting all day. It may well be that is just the way she is. But, again, that DOES have some limits as to what is reasonable. When it comes down to it, though, if this is enough of a problem for you, then it is enough of a problem for you. In other words, it is easy enough for us to say you shouldn't let something like this bothers you. Thing is, it isn't like that is a choice. I'm sure you'd LOVE to be able to just flip a switch and this would no longer bother you.

So, if this is enough of a problem that it bothers you, it may unfortunately have to be enough of a problem for you to decide it best just to move on. MAYBE she can actually get better with it and stick to it. MAYBE you two can find a good middle ground where you feel she cares enough, but she doesn't feel forced to text more than she wants. If you can, then that is great. But if not, and this bothers you enough, then it is not necessarily a bad reason to end things. It isn't really about the texting itself. It is about the fact that she makes you feel like you aren't a priority. Somebody not texting you enough alone is not a good reason to break up.... but somebody constantly making you feel like you are not a priority to them IS.

Good luck to you either way. I hope this works out for you for the best, in whatever way that may turn out to be when all is said and done.

[Hooo!]

If texting doesn’t work for you
Just don’t do it

[rx123123]

Dude you truely understood how i feel, i always get the response oh some people dont like to mag much. It’s never about the messaging, if i felt she cared enough i dont mind not messaging at all, it’s the way she acts that sucks.. thanks for understanding mate

[TheEvilJester]

I don't blame people for that reaction because I do get it. On the surface, somebody not texting enough shouldn't be that big a deal. But, just as you said, it isn't really about the lack of texting itself. In fact, I'd venture to guess if she texted this rarely and was this slow to respond.... but she otherwise went out of her way to make it clear you are a priority for her.... I'd bet you wouldn't even be here asking us about this. I'd bet you wouldn't care. Well, or at least as much. You might still find it annoying, but I imagine you'd just deal and let it slide.

I would imagine there are other problems, other ways she doesn't make you feel like a priority and this is just one of the symptoms. So, again... sure on the surface somebody not texting enough is not a reason to end a relationship.... but them not treating you like a priority certainly is.

I guess it really boils down to that, then. Regardless of the texting or lack-there-of, can she treat you like enough of a priority to make you comfortable with the relationship? If you feel maybe she can, it may be worth giving her that chance. If you feel she cannot or will not, it may be best to move on.

Good luck to you!

[Hooo!]

If thebehaviour vanishes if you stop texting that’s the way to solve a problem.
If it doesn’t vanish and you still have that issue then discuss it with her

Ultimately if you can’t handle it quit the relationship

Or just deal with it
It’s up to you

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, if you can deal with not texting her/texting less, I would actually agree with that as an initial approach. It could actually help you to better get a feel for whether or not you think she is treating you as enough of a priority. Again, I still understand how you feel about the texting issue, and I get that it is not about the texting in and of itself.

But, removing that as a problem may help put things in perspective either way. If you remove that as a problem and yet she STILL makes you feel like she isn't treating you as enough of a priority, then that would be pretty telling. If you remove texting as a problem and actually find that without that issue you feel like she DOES otherwise treat you like a priority to her, then maybe the texting issue just heightened your concerns a little. Again, I still imagine the texting itself must not have been the only problem that made you feel this way... but things like that can sometimes have a way of heightening something that otherwise wouldn't bother you as much.

Bottom line, though, if you are not entirely okay with not texting her/not texting her as much, that doesn't make you wrong. So, that may not be worth bothering if it still feels like enough of a concern to you. I could honestly understand that if it is. If I had a special somebody in my life, I would want her to be somebody who wants to talk to me as often as we can. I wouldn't expect us to be at each other's beck and call every second of every day. I wouldn't expect she should always have to respond at the drop of a hat. I wouldn't want her to expect that of me. ....But I would expect that, in general, we like hearing from each other and WANT to talk here and there.

[Hooo!]

I am giving this advice here because the whole thing is stupid.
This is not about texting at all
Texting isn’t the issue

The issue is that the op is needy of attention and expects it from a girlfriend he has got
His gf obviously has other issues in context to a boyfriend or status
I do not know exactly but I don’t really want to go into it because I’m not sure I can help achieve a successful outcome

[rx123123]

I think i know now what bothers me most, it’s the fact that she replies to others and spend her time talking to them, then, If there is time left,she talks to me. And somedays she falls a sleep before having the time to reply to me because she was too busy. This gives me the feeling that i am not important in her life, and her replying to me or asking me about my day isnt something she cares about that much.

While i on the other hand, if i have many people talking to me, i make sure i reply to her first, and with the time left i reply to the others. And for me i cannot sleep before wishing her a good night or at least telling her im about to sleep... rarely i do that, and when i dont, i get a reply the angry reply the next day on how i didnt tell her when i slept, while she does that all the time lol

[Hooo!]

Julia when I notice that you write other people messages and answer them immediately and you don’t do that with me I feel neglected and left out
That is why I’m not going to write you as much anymore

[rx123123]

It’s not just about writing, it’s the big picture, i feel the same when we are out too. One on one is super fine, but with people around she either get anxious and neglect or oneupper

[Hooo!]

So what do you want? You want to leave her for that behaviour or you want to stay regardless?