Why did he quit initiating?

[Ditapage]

I met this guy at a social gathering several months ago. It’s a once a week gathering and a few weeks after meeting him he would always greet me with a hug / kiss or we’d be walking and he put his arm around me, but it didn’t mean much because he is that way with everybody. The touchy feely type. There were times he seemed to run away when he saw me and other times he would stand around talking to people right near me, or interrupting my conversations - once it was when I was talking to another guy who was new to the group.

In recent weeks he doesn’t initiate hugs anymore though he is still hugging everybody else. I know he’s not attracted to every person there that he hugs. But I feel awkward about initiating hugs because I’m actually attracted to him and don’t want to get hurt in some way, though I have initiated once or twice. He was always the one to do it.

Well today we were chatting and i slid my hand down his arm in conversation (it just happened - I hardly realised I was doing it) and seconds later he slid his hand down my arm. I assumed because he wasn’t hugging anymore he didn’t want to touch me anymore, but could there be another explanation for him not hugging me when he hugs everybody else? It seems like a silly thing to ask really but it helps to have an outside perspective

[TheEvilJester]

I don't really think that is something we can necessarily answer. It's the sort of thing where you'd kind of have to be him to know the answer to that. Maybe he stopped hugging you because he has feelings for you and that makes him feel nervous about hugging you. Maybe he stopped hugging you because he DOESN'T like you and doesn't want to give you the wrong impression. Do you see how those are radically different possibilities completely on the opposite side of the spectrum? And yet, both are equally possible. We can't really know any more than you.

So, I figure you have a few options. One would be to start to try a little light, innocent flirting with him here and there and see how he responds. If he seems to respond positively, that is certainly a good sign. Heck, maybe he'll even be emboldened by that into asking you out. If he seems not to be receptive to it, that may be your clue to just assume there is no interest and forget him.

Another option would be the direct approach and to just actually ask him out if you are interested in doing so. Sure, traditionally it is the guy to ask first, but that doesn't mean it HAS to always be the guy. If you so desire, you are certainly allowed to ask as well. That would definitely be a direct way to find out if he's interested in you once and for all so you can either move forward or move on. Believe me, though, I get it if that is a little TOO direct for you. Especially this early on. I just offer that as a possible option.

A third option would be to just assume he's not interested and therefore forget all about it. Move on, look for love elsewhere. Then, if it just so happens he actually DOES show interest, you can certainly change your mind later, but at least that way you don't keep yourself stuck in limbo wondering if he's into you or not. If you are hoping he's interested, I don't necessarily recommend this option. Mostly because I think it is honestly better off knowing for sure rather than just assuming. If you just allow yourself to speculate then there may be part of you that always wonders "what if" and that is a crappy question to have to ponder for a long time.

So, even if your actions are subtle and not necessarily as direct as just asking him out, I do personally recommend at least doing something to try to find out. Of course it will stink if you go for it and he's not interested... but believe me, you'll get over that. I always feel it is better to know than it is to just be left wondering. After all, if you let yourself just be indefinitely left wondering, the end result is eventually the same anyway. Which is that you eventually have to move on and find somebody else. Except maybe even a little worse because part of you will still wonder what might have happened had you tried. Good luck to you!

[Hooo!]

You are asking the wrong questions.

What do you want?