Ghosted, not sure why? Please help.

[quutano]

Hi All,

I found this guy on Instagram a few months ago, and clicked in immediately, he had liked all of my pictures, then sent me a message and that way we started talking, not very often at first, but it seemed like we had the connection and then we dived into it, the messages were long, detailed and we could talk about everything.
We would usually exchange a few messages every day, but there were days we did not talk at all, or talk all day through. I didn't want to be too flirty as we live a thousand miles apart, but he had mentioned visiting me a few times,
didn't really take it seriously either, thought I was cool, also I haven't been bombarding him with messages, he would always text first.
Last time we talk, the convo was as smooth and easy as always and ended up with me asking an open question, it was really late in the night so I didn't really expect a quick answer.
It's been 10 days now and he had read the message, he is active on Instagram pretty much all the time, liking my posts as well, especially the selfies, posting on his account etc.
I didn't message him since, don't want to seem desperate, but I'm just wondering what happened?

Yeah I know we live far apart, I realise that there may be a girlfriend I have no idea about, I just miss talking to him more than I would like to admit. He is such a smart and funny guy, he handles my sarcasm well and has an answer to everything.
I really don't want to make a fool of myself, sending him a 'what's up' or a question mark after 10 days of silence and however stupid it may seem, I don't want him to know that I took it so hard, but I don't want him to ignore me either.

Is there anything I could do? What do you think about this situation? I cannot find a way to explain this, I did not say anything mean or anything that could scare him off.

I really appreciate your opinions and thank you in advance for taking time to read it and (hopefully) answer.

Kind Regards,
quutano

[Hooo!]

Because showing sincere interest in a person equals making a fool out of yourself?

[quutano]

Because showing sincere interest in a person equals making a fool out of yourself?

Hi Hooo!

thanks for your answer.
In this case it may do. The last message I sent to him was quite long and included 2 different topics - pretty easy to reply to - in my opinion, if only one wants to reply...
I assumed if he had seen it and chosen not to reply, then he may have lost the interest... but then, why is he watching all my stories and liking all the pictures I post?

[TheEvilJester]

It is a bit tricky, I think. This is one of those things that makes me hate that we live in a world with social media. Because I absolutely 100% understand how you feel. Yet, at the same time, when you step back and look at it, doesn't it seem ridiculous how something like social media can seem so important? Not that I'm saying you are silly/ridiculous for letting this worry you. FAR from it. I absolutely understand. Just saying, this world is ridiculous.

Anyway, this one is maybe a tad bit confusing even to me too. My gut instinct WOULD BE that maybe he had started to lose interest... but at the same time I sort of think he wouldn't continue liking your posts. So, I guess maybe it is possible he just forgot to respond to your questions and then beyond that hadn't yet bothered to message you again. Some people just aren't the message all the time type. So, it could be that when you were first talking he messaged a lot... but now that you've done that a while he's a little more comfortable with you and doesn't feel like it is as urgent that two have to be constantly in contact. That could be good, or it could be bad. It depends really.

At this point, have you two expressed any interest in being more than friends? If not, that may have something to do with it. I know I myself don't feel the need to talk to my friends EVERY day. So, if right now he figures you two are just friends he may just not feel like you two necessarily have to ALWAYS talk. Heck, some of my best friends are ones I may not get the chance to see or even talk to for a while... yet we can meet up the next day like there was no time apart. We understand that and don't hold it against each other. Life can get busy.

But, a relationship does take more work/togetherness. If you two are really just friends at this point as far as he knows, maybe it would be worthwhile to actually ask him out. Try to set up an actual visit. The long distance thing can be very hard, though, so that is definitely something to consider. Is it even worth it for you to try to make it anything more serious? If you two became a couple, is there any foreseeable possibility for the long distance situation to end?

Anyway, the tl;dr version of all that is basically I agree with Hooo. Honestly,if you are interested in him in whatever way (as a friend, or as more) don't worry too much about what he'll think if you reach back out. I would definitely NOT say you reach out with something like "What gives, dude! Aren't you going to answer my question?!" Just reach back out as though you would have any other time... and then at some point just casually bring the question/questions up again. Just something like "Oh, hey! I meant to ask if you'd thought about XYZ..."

You gain nothing by doing nothing. Give it a try. If he's lost interest then that will become clear in no time and at least then you will know and can move on. But, if he's not lost interest, then reaching out to him should help you to see he still wants to talk to you. That will hopefully help you feel better if that is the case. So, why let yourself wait and wonder? Good luck to you either way.

[Hooo!]

Why are you asking me this? Ask him exactly this? You don’t want to make a fool out of yourself and you thought he had possibility enough to ask you out on a second date if he wanted but you are confused why he likes every shit you do burn stopped speaking with you

[bulrush]

> I didn't want to be too flirty as we live a thousand miles apart,

Which means you didn't want to show interest in him.

> also I haven't been bombarding him with messages, he would always text first.

Which means you're not showing interest as far as he's concerned. Men don't want to have to do all the work. It's clear you are not interested.

> I didn't message him since,

Which is showing you're not interested.

> I really don't want to make a fool of myself,

Which means you don't want to have clear communication, or take a risk of getting hurt. Men don't like that type of girl. They avoid them like the plague.

> I cannot find a way to explain this, I did not say anything mean or anything that could scare him off.

Incorrect. You scared him off by not showing interest. You ignored him, didn't initiate conversations much, and it was very clear you just couldn't care less about him. Stop taking bad advice from supermarket magazines, and "life coaches" who don't know a thing about relationships. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and initiate at least half the conversations.


If you can't have good clear conversation, you will not keep the good guys, you will find plenty of bad guys though. They have lower standards.