What people are thinking about me

[MortensOrchid]

I've noticed people are saying this about me who don't know me. In recent weeks/months I have become friendly with a neighbor in my apartment building, she and I have been going out to a lot of theater events and things on the weekends. Usually I go to them alone because I can't find someone else to go with and we've built up a good relationship based on mutual want/need.

Her husband (who I keep my distance from for a variety of reasons as they are on the rocks at the moment) has said something to her that I am aware others have said about me. He thinks that I'm gay. I'm a 43 year old woman who's never been married. He says he never sees me with a man, he never sees friends or anything coming in and out of my apartment. My friend (his wife who I will call Sally) said that I'm a private person and I don't really broadcast a lot of things about myself in terms of my relationships with others (romantic or otherwise), but I am not gay. I know these things about myself, I don't need her or anyone else to point this out to me. But others think I'm gay because I have never been married. I've had people start calling me those cruel names (old maid, spinster, etc.) and wonder why I have never been married or why I don't have a bf. Someone has said to me on a few occasions when they are leaning into me like this no wonder I'm 43 and still single. I think that's horrible to say to someone.

What do I say to these things other than contradict them if I am asked these questions? I think it's ignorant of others to assume this in this day and age but people fall back on these things because it's easiest. It's not what I wanted for myself, I wish I had a husband/bf, but that seems to be what it is.

[Brokenheart9989]

That would definitely be hurtful. I am sorry that you have had to hear these types of comments.

I dont think there is anything you can do to change the things that other people say/do. You can however standup for youself and tell these people that you did not appreciate their remark. You can alsp choose what type of peope you want in your life and what type of people to kick out. It is your life afterall. Its important to have a strong support system.

You dont owe anyone an explanation as to why you are single or why you have never been married. Its none of anyones business. Nor should you broadcast your life if you dont want to. You have nothing to prove to anyone... other than to yourself...

[smackie09]

This friend's husband says those things because he is threatened by you. He doesn't want his wife to have a friend, any kind of independence or happiness. He's trying mess with her head. TBH don't take his words personally, he's a controlling jerk.

I understand your situation. For me I never wanted to get married or have kids. I've been called selfish, or that's not fair to your BF, my mom harpin on me about having kids, my guy's Aunts telling me to have a baby (at 45 years old!) been ask what's wrong with me, blah blah blah. One guy suggested I must be gay and all that. I get pissed too because it's no ones god damn business. And that's what you should be telling people who talk like that to you. None of their business!

[Hooo!]

If you really wanted a man in your life then what are you actually doing to get to know men?

[TheEvilJester]

I know this is so much easier said than done (believe me, I know from experience) but the best advice would honestly be to just ignore people like that. I know it can be hurtful and it makes it hard to ignore... but when you really think about it, who are they to you? They don't matter. Not one bit. Judgmental people like that don't even deserve a millisecond of your thought. Not to mention... who cares if you are gay or not? We are living in the 21st century. Shouldn't be anything wrong with it even if you are gay. Shouldn't be anything wrong with the fact that you're not gay.

So, they don't sound like very good people if they'd care whether you were gay or not. Agreed, also, with the picture smackie paints of the husband. I agree that he sounds like a controlling jerk who is just jealous because somebody else is getting any of his wife's attention. You mentioned they are not doing well in their relationship, so he probably senses her pulling away and is possessively trying to keep her. Treating her like an object and not like the human being he should. Heck, that's probably part of the problem in the first place.

Anyway, like I said I know how hard it can be to just ignore hurtful comments like that. So, I guess if you really feel you must do/say something... the best thing to do would be to come up with some sort of snide/smart@$$ remark that will point out how shallow they are, but without just making you look just as bad as them. I don't know exactly what the comment would be, but if you think about it you could come up with something. Then just leave it at that and forget those people because they truly are not worth it.

Thing is, scumbags like that almost never change. So, whether or not you DO say anything it isn't like most of them will actually see the err in their ways. They will just continue to be the worthless jerks they are until they day they shuffle off this mortal coil.

[pcmaster]

Look for more expensive appartment. Chances are more likely neighbours there will be kinder.

[MortensOrchid]

The only thing I can do or say when people say things like this is deny it. I tell them "No I'm not gay, and even if I was what's it to you?". When people call me an old maid, I tell them it's better than rebounding and ending up in a bad married, then have a divorce or two under my belt.

[bunnyhabit]

i think a reasonable assumption for a fourty plus person with contact with only one woman. although hurtful i can understand why people would gossip thst way. only way is to prove them wrong. i can't believe any woman can not hook up with guy in today's society.

[GLYC]

It's a bad thing to say. It's none of their business really. You're looking for someone special.
If someone is really rude to you, you can feel free to put them in their place, "My romantic life is none of your business, thanks" or you can just say that you haven't met the right person yet.

There's lots of single people out there of all ages, the most ever in history. Someone told me there's 4 times as many single people as there was in previous decades.

One of my best friends never talked about women or dated in high school, people asked me if he was gay.
Post high school, he was going on tinder dates every week. Lol.