Moving forward with our relationship (seeing other people?)

[Argile]

Well chaps, Sue and I have been dating almost four months now (about a week shy) We've gone through the honeymoon phase, Denial of the sacrifices we are making, Rejection of those same changes in our lives, and finally moved toward accepting our new responsibilities and beginning to build a long lasting relationship foundation.


There remains only one issue left for us.
Namely, her feelings of hesitance regarding future commitment. She and I got together right in the midst of her previous marriage ending. That husband was her first love, first kiss, and first sexual experience. One of the major issues that Sue had with him was that he could not accept her. She had feelings of worry because she had so little experience, and he made her feel like she could not bring those things up for discussion.

Now, Sue and I have discussed them. It would seem to us that in order to remove the "rebound" status from our relationship, but more importantly, to give her a chance to get her feet wet in the dating arena and not feel like she's married every guy she's ever dated, we've decided it might be a good idea to open our relationship up to dating others.

I want to know how this has effected anyones relationship in the past?

Have you any advice for us in taking this step in our relationship?

Be honest and brutal if need be, I want true opinions here. If you'd like to know more about the relationship, then ask! =]

[Jay-Tea]

Yep, at this point (also after reading your previous post), if she also agrees to the idea, then try seeing other people. That way, you won't get too caught up with each other all too soon. This will give you a bigger perspective in your relationship too. And whatever decision you make afterwards, you'd be sure you've evaluated all aspects/possibilities.

On the other hand, if in any way, one of you fells uncomfortable with the set-up, DON'T. Unless you want to risk some blaming later.

And by the way, just a few points:
1. Has she completely gotten over the previous relationship? (If you're not sure, you have to be)
2. How serious do you both intend to get? If it's about marriage, you both have to be really sure you've got what to it takes to make that decision and make it last...a lifetime.
3. Has she improved so far? I mean, after that incident in your other post? Remember, the deeper and longer a relationship becomes, the more complacent and unpretending individuals turn into. As you can see in perhaps almost 100% of the couples around, they don't really stay as they were when they first got together. Eventually, the real self comes out. It's just a matter of wether or not your love and committment is strong enough to make it work. If indeed she has improved, then she must truly love you. And she is worth taking care of.

Tell you what. When I was reading your previous post, I felt like I was somewhat seeing myself in it. I am not that depressive though. But I used to get really nasty when things didn't work out the way I expected them to be. Or sometimes, when my boyfriend fails me, no matter how unintentional, I act like a spoiled brat listening only to my feelings...and hurting him as well. I always wanted him to be hurt because I got hurt. That way, I thought I'd make him learn his lesson and make him avoid failing or "hurting" me again. But I was wrong. So wrong I'm still facing the consequences. Because of my impulsive decision to break up with him, he let me have it. I thought he'd beg me not to but he let go of me. Ironically, I was the one begging him back. He still loves me but he chose to give ourselves time and space to think things over. I hurt him real bad. We're still together most of the time. But the committment is now nonexistent. He hasn't said it's final though, that's why I'm still doing what I can, hoping I could still save what is left. I learned my lesson the hard way. But I must say, I'm a changed person now. It's been 2 mos. since our breakup and I miss him terribly still. My only consolation is that, he's still with me and he still loves me. Now I've learned how it is to really love unconditionally. And I told him, if he ever gives us a second chance, I will make sure there won't be any regrets.

Hope yours turns out real good

[BaM_BaM]

i think this is a big decision in a young relationship. shows maturity on both of you. i am currently in an awkward open relationship which seemed to be one sided but after a lot of thought i'm going to make the decision allow myself to like other people.

We started off liking each other while she was still with her ex of 3 yrs. Been in this friendship/relationship status for 4 mos now, and I realize that things are no where near over with her ex. she has had a sexual encounter with her ex just the other night, altho bothered, I didnt let that phase me, because we are in an open relationship.

Becareful not to get hurt when she does see other people. But just like my situation, I'm going to see other people and see what else is out there, even tho i still have strong feeling for... lets say Jan... I'm sure if and when i start dating that there's others who can make me smile and laugh and be happy with.

Sorry if I made this made a personal post in your string of posts, but I too have read your other posts about your situation, and i too would take the same steps that you are taking.

[Jay-Tea]

Hi Bambam, I somewhat feel for you. Waiting isn't an easy thing to do at all. Sometimes I feel like giving up too. I think it is a good idea to start opening ourselves to the possibility of meeting and being happy with other people. And yes, Ex's of years aren't easy to get over with and that's a major factor to consider. These people (the ex's), for as long as they're very much present, will always be quite disturbing. And while they are there, there's no denying that there really are strings attached still.