What should I do?

[nonenanon]

So I've been spending a lot of time together recently with this girl who I've known for a few months now. Although we're not dating, I feel like it's slowly turning into something, since all her friends and everyone around us seem to think we are.

Anyway, so here's the rundown.

I'm leaving town for the summer in about a week. However, the school she's attending is barely having their finals this week, which is a LOT later than most other schools. Before leaving, I figured we should probably go out to eat or whatever, since we've been hanging out so much recently. To my surprise, she actually took the initiative and asked if we'll see each other on Saturday, since we see each other every week on Saturdays. However, since I already had plans that day, we changed to Friday. The following day, she said her roommate wanted to come and asked if she could join us, who I've been wanting to meet for a while now.

Here's the thing though, since we won't see each other for the next few months, I kinda wanted it to be just the two of us (maybe I'm being greedy?) The initial plan was for the 2 of us to get together on Friday, and eat with her roommate on Saturday. But since that's not an option, and she's "studying" all day on Sunday, our last time meeting is Friday with her roommate...she even apologized and thanked me for understanding.

So now, I'm a little miffed that she won't accept my offer and find another day where we can spend some one-on-one time. She's apparently too busy with her finals, and while I do believe that that may be true, I also believe in the quote: "No one is ever too busy, it's just a matter of priorities".

What should I do? Am I out of line for being a little upset, am I being too greedy/overreacting? Should I just happily take what's on the table? I'm very confused as to what I should do or feel?

[nonenanon]

Anyone lol?

[smackie09]

You are friend zoned....or she wouldn't have invited her friend...no? She's not interested romantically. That "getting close" is only emotional, not romantic. So you are blowing this out of proportion.

And you are right, no one is "too busy" unless they are not that into you. I think she became too busy, knowing what you are pushing for with being one on one....she's avoiding it.

[Snow White]

Sorry but, I have to agree with smackie09. You said yourself that the two of you weren't dating. Females seem to think that they can just be buddies with guys who want to spend time with them. I have always disagreed with that thinking you guys aren't just wired to want to hang out with females as friends.

[nonenanon]

What both of you said was very true, that she wouldn't bring a friend if she had any romantic interest. However, I should point out that it was her roommate's idea to join, since I was the one that suggested to meet her in the first place (not sure if this matters or changes the context).

Also, because we're not dating (yet), I figured I have the right to go out on real dates with other girls, at least until something comes out of this. So when this other girl asked me out, I happily obliged. Then when I told her about it, she asked me to FaceTime/call her after my date with the other girl (who she knows btw). Does this mean anything? Or am I just thinking too much?

[smackie09]

Sounds to me she wants this girl to be apart of your social circle.

[Hooo!]

You obviously failed to make your intent clear
Verbally and nonverbally

Maybe her roommate wants to join because she fancies you
Who knows.

But gladly There is a simple solution to your problem
If you wanna one on one time
Ask for it

If she is busy with finals ask her if there is a time after the finals where she wants to spend time with just the two of you

[Snow White]

"Then when I told her about it, she asked me to FaceTime/call her after my date with the other girl (who she knows btw)." What can be hard to understand about females is that even though they may not be interested in you romantically, they still enjoy the attention and can even feel threatened by others even though that is totally unfair to you and can feel very confusing. Even if her roommate made the suggestion to go along, she could have easily told her "no" just as I am sure you would have told a friend if he wanted to tag along.

[nonenanon]

So as an update to this situation...

We ended getting into an argument lol. I was a kinda annoyed and miffed (assuming she was not romantically interested in me) and told her roommate that I have no interest in waiting around anymore. She found out thru her roommate, and told me that she still has intentions of going out w/ me, by texting me an entire page as to why she's been so busy, what she's been up to, and basically just explaining herself. One of her text read, "you have to learn that we need to give each other space when we're busy", and that "when we meet up again, we can still be good." She then reveals all the school assignments and work-related shows she's putting on, which proved to be true on her Instagram page.

So apparently, I'm now being accused of not giving her space, but at the same time, I accused her of not telling me things, thus forcing me to make incorrect assumptions. Boy, this is hard... Also, my question is, since some of you suggested I'm friendzoned here, is this a fight that friends go thru? Or does it seem like a fight that two people who might be romantically involved go through? I can't tell

[TheEvilJester]

I would GENERALLY 100% agree with the idea that nobody is ever "too busy" for somebody with whom they actually want to spend time. ...BUT... I think that sometimes CAN be the case. You actually CAN just be very busy. The difference is if you care enough, you try to make time for people who matter....

And here's the thing.... she was too busy to see him for Saturday..... So she made plans with him for Friday instead. Do you know what that sounds like to me? Making time for somebody who matters. She could have just said "Oh, no, sorry I'm super busy this week. Maybe some other time." She made time for him. So I just personally disagree that her being busy is an indication that she's not into him.

Does that mean I think he has absolutely NOT been friend zoned? I'm not saying that. Personally, give the evidence we've been presented I don't necessarily fall onto either side of that argument right now. I could sort of go either way in his case.

But I do agree with the general consensus, though, in that you'd be better off just making your intentions more clear. Ask her out on an actual date. Make it clear that is what you mean. Otherwise you are just speculating and trying to assume what she's thinking. That will never work out.... as you've seen based on the argument you two had. Hopefully you've learned from your mistake there, but you should never have complained to her roommate, you should have talked to her directly. And, unless I'm missing something it doesn't sound like she's deliberately mislead you. Maybe she likes you romantically or maybe she thinks you are just friends, but it doesn't sound to me like she's deliberately lead you on. So, if she's not you really have to right to be upset with her.... but you do have a right to make your intentions/feelings clear and find out if she feels the same.

Maybe it will turn out she's not interested in you in that way. Sure, that would suck, but you'd be better off knowing. If you just decide she's not and give up on her, you may always be left wondering what if. So, just go for it and at least then you will know either way. Just think how foolish you'll feel for even thinking about not trying if it turns out she IS interested.

Best of luck to you either way.