Long distance friend visited and now I'm confused

[obliviatex]

Hello! I have a friend who lives, literally, on the other side of the world. He visits my area for a month about once a year. We decided to spend a weekend together while he was here so that I could show him around an area he had previously never been. Previously, we had talked about potentially hooking up and going on a date, but (at least from my perspective) it was more of a casual thing. He is the one who brought up the idea of going on a date, but his reasoning was so that we could actually enjoy some time with the opposite sex given both of our frustrations with dating/relationships. So, he came up for the weekend and obviously we had sex several times. But the part that I am confused about is just how affectionate he was the whole weekend. He would cuddle me really closely/tightly in bed, would rub my legs/back/head while we were hanging out watching TV, and in the mornings would reach out and give me long hugs. Admittedly, this was our first time spending a full weekend together and we connected much more than I thought we would. I mean, I had always known we thought similarly about most things given all the conversations we've had over the last couple years, but being in person for . longer period of time and seeing how we acted/talked/thought the same was a bit unexpected. He noted this connection too. I am thinking he maybe could have developed feelings, as did I, but I'm not sure how he is feeling. We didn't talk about it and now he has to go back to his home country. It's like this giant uncertain state was just left like this. I am really caught off guard because I was not expecting to catch feelings and I am not sure how to proceed. Thoughts on what might be going on in his head and where to go from here? Thanks xx

[smackie09]

How about talking to him about it. You only make things worse assuming and letting strangers on the net guess. Communication is key.

[obliviatex]

I agree, and I think this is something that needs to be talked about. But I'm honestly not even sure how to bring it up.

[smackie09]

Start with...."I need to talk to you about something"

[Hooo!]

Use paragraphs

[obliviatex]

Okay, if you are not going to offer helpful advice, why are you even commenting? My issue is that I do think a conversation is important, but I also do not know how to bring it up in a way that isn't going to freak him out, or something along those lines. Obviously, I know using words and paragraphs are how one goes about bringing it up. No need to be smart.

[smackie09]

If it's going to freak him out, it's going to freak him out.....how you broach the subject will make no difference. It will simply show you he has no intention of taking this any further.

[Hooo!]

If you ask for help
Why do you even bother to write a full block of text that is unreadable

If you want help then at least present your request in a way that is actually understandable

[TheEvilJester]

I'm going to agree with smackie here (something I feel like I say a lot). Believe me, oblivia, I completely understand how you feel. I know we make it sound so much easier than it is, which I certainly don't intend, nor do I think smackie does.... but that really is the gist of it. Just don't over-think it. Believe me, I can understand the self-doubt and wanting to approach it just right. But, the thing is the more you sit then and over-think it and obsess about what is exactly the right way to say it, the more you will psyche yourself out of ever actually doing it.

I do think it is good to have SOME basic idea of how you want to approach it. Otherwise you may just get nervous and come off sounding insane. LOL! But, when it comes right down to it.... don't over-think it. Just ask him. Honestly, what is the worst thing that could happen? He isn't interested and he rejects you.... Sure, of course that will suck. Of course that will hurt.... but heck... at least then you'd know and could move on. But if you don't ask him, then how will you ever stop wondering? If you never ask him, then in time maybe you two will drift apart, you'll lose your chance, and part of you could always be left wondering what if. If you try, even if you get rejected, at least then you know.

But imagine if you try and DON'T get rejected. And, truth be told long distance can be hard on relationships. Heck, if can even be hard on friendships. So, maybe he would be interested as well.... but you two would find it too hard to make the long distance work. ...But, again, maybe not. Maybe he'd be interested and you two could find a way to make it work. So, no matter what, why not at least give it a try?

Best of luck to you.