Pain , there's 2 possibilities , wich one ?

[Late_vamp]

do you think that maybe size is a factor in terms of pain and her being her recent times having sex ?

I dont mean to prove anything by saying the next thing (BUT to know ppl's opinions , wether it would make a difference in terms of pain and getting used to it ) >>>>>

i CANT use any "normal" sized condom , it doesnt fit , so im forced to use the "large" or magnum XL ,she said it kinda hurt when i was doing it , i was going REALLY slow , i already de-virginized a girl ( my ex) and after about 5 times , te pain went away and there started the pleasure . I dont know my size , i dont even think about it really , but both my GF and ex have told me that it was big ( those are the only girls with who iv had sex ) and my gf wasnt a virgin technically (she only did it once before ) .

she said she felt more pain than pleasure . so do you think that she's feeling more pain because its her first couple of times or do you think its because of my size that i make it uncomfertable ?

[whaywardj]

Answering your last question either way wouldn't seem to offer any resolution to the matter. But, offhand, I'd say it was you and that this'll be a recurring issue, however sexually experienced your partner may be. Depending on her physiology and stature. I say this because there have been at least two occasions in my experience where women have stopped having sex with me because I hurt them, and they've told me so. (There may have been others who stopped for the same reason, but didn't tell me.) And these weren't kids. Both were over 30 and had had children. Each remarked on a different kind of discomfort. One was uncomfortable during sex, experiencing topical pain, as if her vagina were being overly stretched. The other, uncomfortable after sex, experiencing internal pain, as if her uterus had been "displaced" (as she put it.)

Significantly, in my mind, both were of petite or near-petite stature. On the other hand, a VERY petite Japanese woman I dated for awhile, and another American woman who had to buy her clothes in the "Junior Miss" sections of stores and have them tailored DOWN to fit her -- both of whom were also sexually experienced -- did NOT complain of any discomfort.

In your case, I'd guess that either practice will make perfect, or you'll have to confine your jousts to women of somewhat greater than petite stature, or to others whose physiology is more accommodating.

Like you, I'd never thought about my penis size one way or another, having always considered myself, more or less, merely average on all counts...until these women brought the matter of size to my attention. Evidently, I'm not average. At least, not on that count. I suppose, now, it's true that "size matters." But not in any positive sense I've experienced. I also, now, have a little flash of feeling freaky when I and a woman are about to have sex for the first time. As if I'm deformed and she's about to discover that fact. Kinda distracts me from the moment and puts me in the awkward (and, sometimes, deflating!) position of having to chose between just keeping my mouth shut and seeing how things go, or, to offer her a choice beforehand, saying something ridiculous, like: "Oh, by the way; just wanna give you fair warning: Apparently, I'm hung."

By and large, though, things ALMOST always work in for the better.

[clynn]

I'm a girl that is uncomfortable having sex with more well endowed men.

Now - that isn't to say it won't work, but frankly, I feel bad ... if he has to hold back from just thrusting away, then I figure it must be not as enjoyable for him.

Yet, I can handle (and enjoy) deepness at certain angles and yet can't at other angles. So it isn't even necessarily depth but angle.

Of course, all of this is also with proper preparedness, and part of that preparedness, I've realized, extends beyond the physical and includes building trust and love in a relationship. I have found it intensely fascinating realizing how my body responds physically to the emotional connections.

[whaywardj]

Good feedback, Clynn. Very good.

[Late_vamp]

Answering your last question either way wouldn't seem to offer any resolution to the matter. But, offhand, I'd say it was you and that this'll be a recurring issue, however sexually experienced your partner may be. Depending on her physiology and stature. I say this because there have been at least two occasions in my experience where women have stopped having sex with me because I hurt them, and they've told me so. (There may have been others who stopped for the same reason, but didn't tell me.) And these weren't kids. Both were over 30 and had had children. Each remarked on a different kind of discomfort. One was uncomfortable during sex, experiencing topical pain, as if her vagina were being overly stretched. The other, uncomfortable after sex, experiencing internal pain, as if her uterus had been "displaced" (as she put it.)

Significantly, in my mind, both were of petite or near-petite stature. On the other hand, a VERY petite Japanese woman I dated for awhile, and another American woman who had to buy her clothes in the "Junior Miss" sections of stores and have them tailored DOWN to fit her -- both of whom were also sexually experienced -- did NOT complain of any discomfort.
.

when you mentioned this , i immediatly recalled my ex telling me as if i "rearranged her insides" a couple of times , and she wasnt no first timer by that stage . sometimes i would go too "deep" or as Clynn mentioned , in some angle and it would hurt her . the thing is that my ex was smaller than my current ex and she experienced less pain and more pleasure ...but that was also after the first couple of times , actually , to think of it , my ex always told me that the first 5-10 mins of starting to have sex ( we were well "lubed' or wet to say ) , she would still feel pain , but she said it was a good kinda pain . kinda like a strong massage feels good but a bit painful at the same time or like when you get bitten while having some wild sex . it feels good but theres also pain to some degree .

but i have to remind myself that my current GF is very shy , even to show me her emotions (even harder for body parts ) . It's hard to tell when she's joking and angry ( yes , she's that shy , doesnt like to show her feelings ) . Maybe she's scared of moaning and showing sexual pleasure , she told me she found it amazing ( when i ate her out ) , yet i noticed no signs that showed her having a great time , she came ( started twitching and coulnt handle it anymore , asked for me to go in ) yet when she started to twitch , she "forced " herself to stop because she felt shy doing this infront of me . i cound tell she was being shy about it , it wasnt my "performance" , she asked to do this in the dark , she even told me i was great but that she was a shy about all this . she felt a bit nervous .

I guess as Clynn mentionned , it could also have something to do with all the trust and doubting issues she has , maybe she needs to feel more comfortable to open up to me ( emotionally ) then she might start to enjoy sex more .

[whaywardj]

Does sound a little as if she's not comfortable in her own skin and that it's all gonna, probably, be on you for awhile. You know: Patience, practice, helping her to feel comfortable before you expect her to feel enthusiastic. All that.

For myself, I've always found it most rewarding when partners are so in tune with one another that they do the VERY thing the other wants -- kiss, touch, move, what-have-you -- JUST before the other realizes they want it. Rather gets to a point where it's sometimes difficult to tell who's doing what to whom first.

[Late_vamp]

she is a very closed off person , not because of her choice but because of her parents fault , she's 19 and shes not allowed to go out ( very traditional eastern country with old strict parents = shy person who hasen't seen enough of the world compared to normal free person ) , it sounds bad and it IS bad . she hates all of this ( her life basically , except for me now , those are her words ) anyways , thats not the point .

point is , im the first person she's ever opened up so much to , because basically i understand her better than anyone has before , she has trouble expressing herself , even in words . as you mentionned before , we ARE in tune , i understand what you mean by that , sometimes things are going so synchronized that its almost as if we dont need words to understand each other . an image or expression is sometimes worth more than 1000 words , this is also in other aspects such as kissing , but when we get to sex ( naked and starting to go in ) , it seems as if her natural alarm start to go off and to take caution , probably because she's still new to it .

[whaywardj]

I'd think any context in which you're both required to be naked together -- in light -- might help relax any tensions as may exist in that department. Bathing each other, full body rubs. Things of that nature.

[Late_vamp]

well , it did help when we were just laying there naked holding each other , then we gave it another shoot at it , after a little longer than the 1st time , she started to feel pain . i figured it needed some time to "heal" , but ill try not to let it get closed of as it was before , then all the efforts will have been for nothing ... i doubt ill have time to close back that much in about another 2 weeks ( we have to miss class or work in order to spend time together intimate , or else its on the metro/car or streets ) .

[whaywardj]

As regards her getting more comfortable and less shy with nakedness, it might BE a good idea to sometimes just lie naked together when you can and NOT have sex.

[shh!]

In addition to whatever anxiety she might be having, if she is petite, you also might be hitting her cervix depending on your angle, and that can be painful. Let her try being on top so she can better control how deep you are going.

The twitching you spoke of may or may not have been an orgasm. It is a very sensitive area there, and the twitching can sometimes happen long before orgasm if she hasn't been fully "warmed up" before you do it. Err... or so I've been told. ::blush:: It's kind of like how your foot is so tickle-ish unless you are having a foot rub...

[shh!]

In addition to whatever anxiety she might be having, if she is petite, you also might be hitting her cervix depending on your angle, and that can be painful. Let her try being on top so she can better control how deep you are going.

The twitching you spoke of may or may not have been an orgasm. It is a very sensitive area there, and the twitching can sometimes happen long before orgasm if she hasn't been fully "warmed up" before you do it. Err... or so I've been told. ::blush:: It's kind of like how your foot is so tickle-ish unless you are having a foot rub...

Oh yeah, I forgot to ask - don't all condoms START from size large and work their way up? I can't imagine any man would want to go in and ask for a size small or medium/average condom, unless I am mistaken.

[Late_vamp]

Oh yeah, I forgot to ask - don't all condoms START from size large and work their way up? I can't imagine any man would want to go in and ask for a size small or medium/average condom, unless I am mistaken.

well it streches , so theres no real default size, its small , it can strech , but it doesnt strech enough for me , it hurts me ALOT when i try and iv tried many times , with lube , without . so i tried the large size ... way better but because they dont really put any "special fancy feature like ultra sensitive " in large condoms , my sensitivity goes down WAY down . so im always stuck having less pleasure than nature intended to .

I also noticed that condom brands really depends on size , i cant wear large durex because its too small for me but i can wear large lifestyles ...

[Late_vamp]

In addition to whatever anxiety she might be having, if she is petite, you also might be hitting her cervix depending on your angle, and that can be painful. Let her try being on top so she can better control how deep you are going.

The twitching you spoke of may or may not have been an orgasm. It is a very sensitive area there, and the twitching can sometimes happen long before orgasm if she hasn't been fully "warmed up" before you do it. Err... or so I've been told. ::blush:: It's kind of like how your foot is so tickle-ish unless you are having a foot rub...

well , i asked her if she wanted to go on top , she just replied with a simple "no , i prefer you going on top" ... about the twitching , well there was "vaginal fluids" dripping out of there , more than regularly . she felt lots of pleasure and her reaction was sort of " wow , that felt REALLY good but it feels a bit too sensitive now " after it was over . so she asked for a little time out .

[Junsui]

Awww she's not a multiple orgasm kind of girl?