issue with communication

[Rosebud]

lol, I'm trying Hayward! I'm trying to give newbie's the benefit of the doubt before I unleash my hidden beast.

[whaywardj]

If he hadn't got defensive about what people were trying to tell him, I wouldn't have gotten harsh. I DID try to be open-ended and broadly suggestive in my first reply. Just made me feel the kindness was a waste of my effort. The sig "gone....literally" particularly annoys me now. Like, "so go already, then." Or stay and deal with what people are perceiving in what you say.

[skrat28]

im sorry if you feel like im trying to be defensive, i believe this is something that i have done not her. im not trying to defend myself because i know i am at fault. the thing is we are not understanding each other, the people on here specifically wayward are assuming that. please try and see it from a perspective other than your own. im trying to understand what everyone is saying and i know im wrong. please notice that i never said what can i have her do, its always been what can i do. the reason i use big words is because i was once without a friend in the world and did the worst thing possible. i pulled back further and became the biggest nerd and loser ever, i used to read the dictionary because i had nothing else to do. dont be angry with me for doing something i didnt. i am simply asking if you know of something i can do to improve the situation with me and my gf, nothing more. thank you.

[Rosebud]

I know Hayward. And I do agree with all of what you guys have said. I guess I just don't want to go into bed and think.. Could I have reasoned a little more before I jumped on his case? I am genuinely a nice person and for some reason lately, I have been just plain mean. So I'm trying to help even thoughs who I don't agree with. Unless they offend me intentionally.

[whaywardj]

At base, Skrat, what you have to do -- all other things being equal -- is either not let this perceived barrier be important to you, OR, loosely speaking, go about the work of alternately meeting her at her level, and doing what it takes to inspire her to take initiative to meet you at yours.

If you're truly interested in her discovering the joy and freedom that comes with articulating one's experiences to another -- and NOT more interested in lording over her -- you're going to have to begin by meeting her at her level, and liking it.

Perhaps, by example. Relating to her some of your more deeply personal thoughts which you're reasonably sure are similar to thoughts she's had about herself will spark her to greater expressiveness. It it doesn't, just accept that and move on to something else which might. Or, perhaps, by interest. Be avidly interested in whatever she DOES talk about, even it's as boring and inconsequential as her favorite TV programs. Therein, place inquiries that lead her to look at what she's talking about in a SLIGHTLY different light.

All in all, it's on you to find a happy medium between not being bothered by it and changing it. And, as others have indicated to you, hammering on it in any way will just be counter-productive.

What irks me about the whole matter is that you surely perceived all this BEFORE you became tangled up in each other, yet you allowed it to happen anyway. That makes your intentions suspect in my mind.

[whaywardj]

I know Hayward. And I do agree with all of what you guys have said. I guess I just don't want to go into bed and think.. Could I have reasoned a little more before I jumped on his case? I am genuinely a nice person and for some reason lately, I have been just plain mean. So I'm trying to help even thoughs who I don't agree with. Unless they offend me intentionally.

A very good touchstone for maintaining kind behavior, RB. But, sometimes, a fellow hits the bed just too friggin' tired to give a damn whether he's been thoughtful or not.

[Junsui]

You read the dictionary? Ok, now I have been pretty bored before, but I will always try to find something else to do before turning to the dictionary!

[Lloyd95]

i was once without a friend in the world

Really? This shocks me beyond belief. Really.

[Tone]

L M A O Lloyd!!!

Wow what a jerkoff. You get him Hayward!!

[Rosebud]

Skrat, the only thing I can say to you is to try and talk to her on her level (not that it's less than yours) but make it easier for her to understand. I know you know all these big words and that's how your used to using them but by not realizing all this your comming off as being arrogant. You have to understand not everyone has sat down and read the dictionary, or finds gratification in using larger words then needed when speaking to soemone else. If you want to talk with the woman you love, you will have to adjust yourself to do so. So in Knowing that, lay off the big words and try to talk to her like she talks to you. That's the only advice I have for you!

[skrat28]

thank you, all of you, i needed the criticism and thank you all for the advice. i think with the advice of meeting her at her own level first off is the best way to do it. once again, thank you.