Conflict with Best Friend in New Relationship

[fayew21]

Hi, I've been ultra stressed lately with school and family problems, and on top of this, I've been having problems with a best friend.
So, I just re-united with an old ex that I've discovered entirely new feelings for. We've gotten close very fast, and we do spend a lot of time together. Granted, however, this time is generally spend studying and doing homework together (college will kill ya). In fact, I don't remember the last 'alone' night we've had where we didn't have anything to do but to spend it together.

So, in comes my best friend, who I'm been friends with for forever. We used to hang out as a big crowd: my boyfriend, his roommate, me and her. However, ever since we started dating, she's claimed that she feels like a third wheel, even though neither me or him feel that way, and has stopped coming over. On top of that, she has yelled at me continuously for dropping her..even though I try my hardest to still somehow find time to spend with her separately...and when we are all together, I make sure that I still talk to her and spend time with her.

And now, all of a sudden, I find out that next year, she's living with (all guys, and amonst them) my boyfriend and his roommate, knowing that I can't possibly join them. Already, I've started to feel left out - the very thing she accused me of with her. Just tonight, they built a fire and roasted smores w/o me after I had left.

So, what do I do? How do I handle this? I'm both mad, frustrated, and incredibly hurt by this whole situation. my friend is also the defensive stubborn type...talking with her just doesn't look like it will help. Sigh, any advice is welcome...although venting is also making me feel a bit better.

Thanks!

[mhussain]

life is a very hard teacher my friend.

you must find time for both , but not because you have to , because you want to. you say that your friend is someone you have been with together for ever, than surely you know her moods and how to like talk to her and since the person you love is ur ex, u also know his moods and expressions.

though i advise talking to your friend first.

although i am curious as to why you are worried that your bf is going to live with ur best friend and that they roasted whatever without you!!!!

Hussain

[misombra]

she moved in with your boyfriend? she's jealous. and a drama queen.

[shh!]

I hope if they are going to be living together that you really trust them both a lot. I hope even more that they deserve to be trusted.

[Junsui]

My roommate is my bf's best friend, but it's not really that odd for us lol. With your situation though it sounds more like she's trying to get close to him. I agree with shh!, I hope they deserve your trust.

[gHEXjt]

I have an ex who had friends that pulled that kind of shit on her once we started going out. It ultimately reached the point where they basically gave her an ultimatum, me or them. And she chose me. They couldn't put up w/the fact that they were no longer her top priority. They wanted every second of her time for themselves. Sounds just like your "best friend." Manipulation is what she is using, so just know that is exactly what's going on. Sheer jealousy on her behalf. Now, in terms of your living situation for next year, sorry to say, but it sounds like you're ****ed.

[Lloyd95]

Is your friend hot?

[Tone]

Lloyd and I will make sure your best friend's mind is on "something else" if you follow me (if she's hot that is)

[Lloyd95]

Actually my post was very sincere; if said friend were ugly, than I doube the guys in the house would want her. what if she's 300 pounds?

Alright, I'm lying; I just want to know if she's hot so I can request her picture.

[fayew21]

Lol, thanks for the replies!
Well...I feel bad for saying this, but she's not very pretty, but she's working to get there (if you get my drift). She's living with the crowd that we always hangs out with, so it'll be her and 4 boys (a little improper in my book...but I'm not from here exactly, and I grew up with strict parents. But still...the situation makes me very bitter. I wouldn't go and hang out with our friends w/o her, she would get incredibly mad. Yet, she's doing that permanently next year! And, the guys can't exactly get out of it...she asked them, and they're nice guys who wouldn't say no, and we are all friends. Its just..she tells me that I'm leaving her out..and yet, what is this?

I agree that she is trying to hog my time..and I can picture her giving me an ultimatum. My boyfriend, who used to be pretty good friends with her is pretty pissed at her now b/c she's giving me so much stress, as well as slyly insulting him almost daily.
This is hard, I want to keep both! But it is putting me under so much stress - either one or the other is always mad at something I do in relation to the other. My best friend thinks that I don't spend enough time with her anymore, my boy friend, who is at least understanding of the situation, still gets slightly annoyed at me for still defending her and trying to prevent conflict (ex. when she makes a slight insult against him).
I don't want to choose one or the other. But she is being slightly unreasonable here, as well as hurtful. She can't see the things that I do for her, and all she does is give me a nasty face now. I'm sick of it.

[shh!]

Ya know, Faye, this goes on all the time. Girls often whine about their friends dumping them for a guy, and then they understand when they become involved with someone. All you can do is be sure you really are setting aside a some time for her, and she will have to work out the rest on her own. If she is really making you miserable about it, you might need to take a break from her all together for a while until she can get over herself. Some people have a very hard time comprehending that they are not the center of the universe.

Again, though, I would keep an eye on the living arrangements. One drunken night, and many guys would sleep with... well, see chelsee's photo in the gallery. They would even sleep with her.

[Lloyd95]

Again, though, I would keep an eye on the living arrangements. One drunken night, and many guys would sleep with... well, see chelsee's photo in the gallery. They would even sleep with her.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't sleep with her. (I'd make sure to leave before I fell asleep)

[shh!]

Aren't you the one that said you LIKED women with flat heads, big ears, and no teeth?

[Lloyd95]

Aren't you the one that said you LIKED women with flat heads, big ears, and no teeth?

Yes; as long as they were 3 feet tall.

[Rosebud]

A lot of times when you are close with another girl who becomes your best friend and you spend a lot of time together when a guy comes into the picture you want to spend time with him as well and put most of your effort into that. Without realizing it you can push friends away or make them feel like a third wheel just becasue you guys are dating. This is on her and not you, but the only thing you can do is share time with all of them by themselves as well.

On the other note, I don't really know how close she is to your boyfriend or his roomate but I think she's trying to make herself feel better by hanging out with them when your not around to make you feel how she does. Maybe not intenionally or maybe it is I don't know. I always say a guy isn't worth losing a friend over but if you find that this friend is vindictive and isn't a true friend then you need to figure out how your going to handle her living with your boyfriend. This may still be out of your control because you can't control what other's do but at least you can speak your mind to both of them and tell them how you feel about all of this.