How should I ask her to be friends?

[shenmue]

I like this girl a lot and rather than rushing things I would like to try to be her friend first. We've talked some, but I think it would make things more official if I asked her to be friends.

How do I phrase it though?

To me the best way sounds like

"Hey/ You know, I'd {really} like it if we could be friends" {should I say "really"?}

"would you like to be friends"
and "Do you want to be friends"
and "Will you be my friend sound to childish.....

any advice anyone?

[LINEBACKER _2]

Actually, why don't you just let things progress naturally and see what happens?

LINEBACKER 2

[FratBoy177]

I'll tell you what NOT to do:

When I was a freshman in college I was attracted to the girl nextdoor but I thought it would be a bad idea to date her cause of how closed she lived to me. So one day when she was in my room flirting like crazy, I said to her, "Look, I like you a lot, but you're just becoming too much of a distraction for me right now. I still want to be friends though." Worst move ever... we hardly talk now, she turned into one of the hottest girls I have ever seen, and I feel like the biggest jerk in the world. If I were you, I'd let her know you are attracted to her (if you are) but that you "love spending time together as friends." See where it goes from there.

[shenmue]

I don't want to rush things.

But if I get some closure or confirmation that she'd like to be friends then I can be sure that I'll have a good opportunity to tell her how I feel later on.

btw how long should I stay "friends" with her before I make my move?

I've only known her fo a little while. So rushing it isn't a good idea. And since we met training together in koryo gumdo {korean swordsmanship} there's not a lot of opportunity to talk one-on-one or in private. If she wants to be friends then I can ask her out- get her phone number and email etc. Not in that order. But I'll be able to talk to her in private and then after a while tell her how I feel.

I just don't know how long to remain friends.

[jane]

aren't you afraid that if you tell her you just want ot be friends that you will get stuck in the dreaded "friends" category. Meaning, that she will never think of you as anything but her friend. I think you should be honest.

Look, I like you and we have a great time together. I love being with you. Have to tell you that I wouldn't mind being more then just your friend but I really want to take it slow....
(how was that?)
I think if you honest she won't just think that you JUST want to be friends but that there may be an opportunity for you to be more.

[BuzzLiteBeer]

you don't need to say that...friends are frineds...you don't go to someone that is your friend and say...hey, you wanna be friends?
If you really like someone, just talk with them often and listenin to what she is saying and show that you care...no need to "put it out there" ya know.

[shenmue]

good point jane. I'll have to think about that. thanks.

if I say the friends thing it'll be like I can be sure that we're in the friendship stage and then I can know for certain that we are and go from there.

haven't thought about how I'll tell her I'd like to be more. I've only seen her 3 times. I'm hoping to get her email shortly after we are friends if she would like to. Cause it's hard to talk to her with a lot of people around and that way I could set up a time for us to be alone so I can talk to her.

another thing I just though t of is that she walks home and I drive.
If I get to my car first and act like I'm busy I can wait until she comes out and ask to talk to her. It won't seem planned.

[jane]

She walks? Why don't you give her a ride home? Does she live really close? I would seriously think about telling her the truth, you have no idea how she is feeling? Maybe she feels the same way maybe not. I would think about talking to her just about how you feel. Maybe not the part about liking her but the part about how you you want to spend more time with her. Ask herout?

[shenmue]

well let me tell you about her shes one of those girls who wears a lot of black you know? I would offer her a ride but I don't want her to think I expect something in return and I don't know if she'd take it as me trying to get her alone in the car or just trying to give her a ride.
I don't like to think of her walking home alone... she's very small and doesn't train in the unarmed arts... she's pretty defenseless but she might take it as a sort of implication that she's defensless.

[jane]

wait, are you guys friends now? I mean, you ahve talked to this girl? why would she think that? i would think she would appreciate the ride. Jusst ask her and let things happen from there. In order to be frieds with her, your going to have to talk to her sometime...

[shenmue]

I've talked to her about anime, a band she likes, about my pc getting destroyed by a virus, and she listened to me talk about the guy at the mall who doesn't like me no matter how many swords I buy from his store {old crab}

I have a hard time gauging her responses. She seems friendly some times and not so friendly others.

last night she caught me telling a younger guy to be more assertive and asked why things are always about gender with me.I don't know why she said that. Later I apologized and said that once she gets to know me she'll find I'm not THAT much of an ***hole.
She got a smile on her face but no eye contact.

here's what I'm thinking of doing the next 3 times I see her. Tomorrow friday and monday.

tomorrow I'll tell her I'm sorry I was just teasing you, I wan't trying to be mean. Then I'll ask her what her favorite anime's about.

friday I'll say something along the lines of "you know, I'd really like it if we could be friends"
if that works I'll try offering her a ride and getting her email.

I wonder if I'm taking it too slow.

thanks again Jane.

[jane]

Way to planned. Don't go that far. Just ask her if she wants a ride home. Say sorry for what ever but ask her. She is trying to be the "hard" one? Do you know what i mean? SHe just doesn't want to look like she has low selfestem issues. Believe me, that 's that high school thing.

[shenmue]

maybe I should tell her the "friends" thing and offer her a ride tomorrow and on friday ask if she's doing anything over the weekend?
She hasn't seen kill bill yet {I have} I could say I 'm going to go see it again this weekend, would you like to come with/go with me? {which sounds better?}
or maybe just you wanna catch a movie this weekend?
If she asks as a date I'll have to tell her then and there how I feel.

I'm just worried about rushing her friday will only be the 5th time I've had contact with her.

btw, Jane I want to thank you, it's very kind of you.

[shenmue]

I read your 3rd journal entry, that's how I feel about this girl.

[Illusional]

i think that instead of worrying so much about how she'll respond to your question you should just let things flow as they are. things seems to be going good and whenever you expect something, it always turns out differently. meaning that if you think she'll respond negative to your offering her a ride, she'll probably accept it. raverboy