I Got A Big Problem, Please Help Me. (18 + Girls Or Experienced Guys Only)

[OscarG(swe)]

Me questioning on an american forum might seem a little odd
considering that I live in Sweden. But my problem is an american girl.

It's like this, I'm a 20 year old guy who has just finished High school(we finish at 18-19 years of age), and a 1-year militairy service here in Sweden. About four weeks ago, I met this girl in a club here in Stockholm during three days off. We danced and I found out she was from Trenton(smaller town outside new york.

She's 18 and she's fantastic in all ways. Beautiful, smart and she even speaks a little swedish after only a few months here(Swedish is a very hard language for an american). But she's also so innocent(which is a part of why I really like her). I know she's not a virgin, but I seriously doubt she's had more than one or two boyfriends in her whole life because she's also insecure in many ways.

So anyway, we go off the subway. (She lives in the Stockholm suburbs with relatives). And suddenly she kisses me good night, but I insist that I should walk her to the door. She says no and says that I should go home. So I explain to her that Stockholm isn't exactly a safe place. But she laughs at tells me that it can't be any worse than the USA. So I say "ok, fine" or something like it. A little hurt, but I'm a little worried for her so I follow her home. If someone saw me, they would call it stalking. Which was not my intention(really), I was seriously worried about her.

I might be a little overprotective sometimes and I can understand taht doesn't match with an independant girl that has crossed 1/4 of the globe to get away a while. But I can't help myself, I kept imagining some weirdo russian or turk gang that jumps out of the bushes on her. So I followed her from a distance and she didn't see me...the first time.

I saw her again a couple of weeks later and this saturday we met again. I can tell she likes me. Anyway, we had a longer kiss and it was great. She seemed to like it to (heh).

And the same thing happened at the end, she kissed me good night and I pretended to leave just to follow her. That's when it happened, she walked through a smaller forest and some sirens or something came in the background and she turned around just to see me. Now, instead of going up and explaining to her. I started running like a fleeing gazell or something. I don't know why I did it, I just paniced.

So now, I'm afraid that she thinks I'm some sort of perverted weirdo and I am really really embarrassed by the whole incident if I can call it that. And I am almost positive she recognized me. So yesterday(monday), I tried to call her but her cousin told me she was out. And now I don't have the guts to call her again, I just don't know what to say.

Seriously, help me! I think I'm in love with her but I am clueless and terrifyed of what to do next because of this. (We haven't sleeped together or anything, even though I wouldn't mind. )

[BankyTheHack]

How has she acted around you lately? Either way you should tell her what your intentions were and why you ran. But to tell the truth dude, this is bordering on stalking, so don't be surprised if she thinks so too. But from your comment on Russian or Turk gangs it sounds like your being truthful. So just tell her, and be sure to mention the gang problem. She may, in fact, be flatered that you would go through so much trouble. But not all girls are like that dude.

[OscarG(swe)]

what about gifts, what would be the perfect "I'm sorry for stalking you but I wanna keep seeing you gift". She's not exactly the sort of girl you can find any friday night. She's SO diffrent from Swedish girls( which are either very materialistic and egoistic or pure retards. They really are). And she's so hot, I get turned on every time she sits close to me.

I really don't want to lose her. If I ever had here that is.

[FratBoy177]

Not to be the bearer of bad news or anything, but I would be EXTREMELY impressed if you could still pull something off with this girl. Especially, being a girl from NEW JERSEY (I'm from New York, I know the type), she would probably dismiss any guy who acted even CLOSE to stalkerish. She's probably extremely picky (which would explain the innocence) and was only kissing you because she felt lonely being in another country and missed all her New York/New Jersey guy friends from back home. Girls like her, especially at her age, are probably not looking for anything serious like you seem to be. Plus, the fact that you mentioned you think you are in love with her and havent done more than kiss her is a little disturbing.

You want some advice? Girls like her like the cool, suave, mysterious type. Don't follow her home anymore. If she gets mauled by a gang, then you were right and she'll know better next time. I'm sure you were doing it because you thought if something bad happened you would be the hero, but in fact you would still look like a stalker for following her home in the first place. Don't call her anymore, either. If she's interested, she'll call you. Girls like their space, especially a girl in her position. If she keeps talking to you after that incident, just keep going as if nothing ever happened. Let her be the one to bring it up. If she doesn't call you anymore, dont waste your time. Once a girl gets freaked its almost impossible to build any type of relationship.

[jane]

Wow, I never thought I would agree with a "fratboy" ...LOL
Your right man, I am from New Jersey, and I have to admit that even though you (OscarG) had the best intentions , running away from her made you look like awierdo. I would think you were the one who was going to try and jump me, I would also be nervous walking around thinking you were somewhere behind me.

I wish you luck, IF you can explain it to her fine, But I doubt Iwould give you the chance.

[OscarG(swe)]

Accidently, she had not seen me and she had not thought it was me. But the "incident" had scared her, and when I told her it was me (she actually told me about it before I told her, but I could not keep my mouth shut. I am such a dumbass), she just laughed for some odd reason. And I dared not to ask more about it.

Now we've been seeing eachother for about a month, constantly. And she just makes me feel great. You know when every morning feels like christmas morning when you were 6-7 years old. You just can't wait to see what comes and you know that you are not going to be disapointed. I just want to be with her.
(enough love babbel)

And now I don't know how to proceed.

I have not figured out what I want to do with my life and I'm currently working at a supermarket and a club.

We were just sitting in my parents apartment listening to some old jazz album (which I don't like, but I only listen to it cause she likes it). I got my head on her legs and suddenly she says "we need to talk about the future". She has not said these words to me in that order before, so of course I was almost paralyzed becayse I am not the kind of guy that are a good planner in social issues. Inside I was making this face . I think some guys here knows what I mean. She asked me what I wanted to work with, what my goal in life was. And I gave her this stereo-typical answer: I want you. That didn't really satisfy her I could tell on her horrible outside face ( the face that says: omg I'm wasting my time on a loser that's how I felt in any case). She said she didn't feel well and took a cab home on my expense.

The day after she tells me that she is going back to USA and asked me to come with her over christmas(she's not coming back to Sweden until late June).
She has told me that her dad works for some software company and apearantly he served in the navy when he was younger( I figured that that should be a + for me). The thing is A. I don't have a hell of alot of money B. I am unsure of what she feels or thinks of me(I am bad at reading signals). I know she likes me, but I don't know how much. And now, thanks to "fratboy" I am really in doubt of what to do. And C. It doesn't look like it is going to work unless I move over there which is unlikely without a scholarship. And New York doesn't seem like a very secure place to live in.

(Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly scared of guns. I'm more scared of ending up on the street eating macdonnalds left-overs or ending up in prison for 10 years and having to change my name to "Olga the swedish meatball".)

BUT she is just so great, and I want to make her trust and believe my love for her. But then again she could be dating some american guy a week after I have left and that thought scares me alot. She is very mysterious and beautiful.

Maybe I should just break it up and explain to her why to make it easier for both of us. Is there any reason I should trust her devotion for me(I'm a very good looking and funny guy)?

I got two more weeks to make up my mind.

Advices from Fratboy are not wanted.

[whoa]

OH PUH-LEESE! you make this girl out to be your "soul-mate" or god and its been only like what, a two months? Trust me, even if you lost your chances with this one, there is a million to take her place. Take her off the friggin pedestal, she ain't god (or goddess). Learn from your mistakes and dont run away from girls anymore. You're in NO POSITION to be harmed by them, for heaven's sake, you're a man! Also, sorry to burst your bubble, but kisses aren't that big a deal. they're almost expected.

Fratboy speaks the truth, btw.

Sorry if this sounds like ranting, but whaddaya mean she left at your expense? why didn't she use her own money? she ain't poor and you obviously don't have all taht money wid you.

[MVPlaya]

Originally posted by OscarG(swe)
I kept imagining some weirdo russian or turk gang that jumps out of the bushes on her.

First off, I hope you burn in hell for that, I'm part Turkish and really resent your retarded stereotypes. But in the spirit of Turkish-AryanSupremacist goodwill I'll offer you advise as to what you did wrong.

Now, you didn't give us a whole lot of data but listen to "Whoa," my DJ brother. You have this chick on a pedestal and it makes no sense. Okay, she knows a little Swedish and looks good, so you're in love with her? That makes NO SENSE! A lot of times when guys fall in love with a girl this quickly its not because they found their soul mate but because they found a girl who has some attractive traits and they become desperate. So, don't fall for a chick until you've actually been dating her for a long time.

Also, she gives you a kiss goodbye, that means "goodbye." Hence, the name. Once she says goodbye she wants to go, this doesn't mean she's not attracted to you anymore, simply, its time to go. Now, by offering to protect her you signal two things, one: you're a man and can protect others (good), two: you don't want to leave (bad). Following her was a stupid thing to do, she's been in Sweden before meeting you and New York really is MUCH more dangerous than Stockholm or Gotenburg. I don't really think that you only wanted to make sure she was safe... but either way, that's inconsequential. What matters is how she perceives you.

Now, second time you guys went out she gave you good signals (you say) so relax, things are going good so far. Also, keep into account that she's walked home by herself during the 13 days between your dates and is still alive. So, you don't need to follow her. You offered again and this time its not flattering, its simply annoying. By following her you go against her wishes and you DO come across as stalkerish. When she spotted you she was insulted by you violating her wishes and scared by you stalking her. Now, ask yourself, why did you run away? What you should've done (I would never get myself in that position in the first place) is walk over and explain it to her (already bad but certainly not as bad as what you did). By running away you signalled being extremely scared and this definitely freaked her out in turn.

Homie, the chick wants you to be a man and be confident... so don't fall in love in 3 minutes.