am i to late?

[whynot]

Me and my wife seperated a month ago and i moved out last week. First off there was never any cheating by either one of us it was never a issue. What happened is after a time i lost sight of what she ment to me and i got addicted to the computer. We had a happy beginning, We had a dream come true beginning. When i met her she had 2 kids alrdy and had never been married before. They were still young one a baby and one almost 2. They never knew there dad. I thought about if i wanted to get involved with this situation or not but i fell so inlove with her that i didnt care what layed ahead. I fell inlove with them and took them as my own and as far as they knew i was there dad. Our relationship was the best thing i had ever been involved in the best thing she had ever been involved in. I treated her like my queen becouse she was. We ended up married 3 years later with our son on his way. Then the problems started i lost my job and she was the only one working i fell into a depresion like i was worthless. I got addicted to going on the computer and would choose it over her more often then naught. She would cry becouse she went to bed by herself and i didnt seem to care. I know how i felt about her but it was blocked for some reason. Then a month ago we got into a fight were things were said that shouldnt of. Thats when she told that she relized back in july that she wasnt inlove with me anymore thats why she always started going out all the time. I noticed and started getting off the computer when she was around and argued with her to stay home and spend time with me. But then the fight and i was to late. Now she talkes to me like we have never been together for 6 years like she never loved me. Over the past month i have been doing nothing but trying to show her i love her and that im srry for everything i have done. But she told me it was to late that she wanted a seperation to see if she could miss me. I still didnt stop trying to talk to her i didnt give her the space she needed. She told me i was pushing her away more and more everyday i talked about it but it hurt so much from having her hug me and tell me she loves me to her not even wanting me to hold her hand and not hearing i love you the next that i couldnt stop talking to her about it. So finally she told me that she has had enough and didnt want to be together anymore at all that i pushed her away to much. So i left thinking that that would make things alittle better. But it didnt it went the wrong way. She went from filing for a seperation to filing for a divorce from saying there may be a chance one day to there is no chance that she doesnt want it anymore. There is a co-worker that tried to be with her before but she told him that she was in a relationship. But now hes the one comin by the house to give her money or spend time with her. I asked her how she could be with someone so fast after i leave and she says shes not that hes just a friend. But give me a break why wasnt he a friend when i was around. It hurts so bad that she is giving the love that i once had from her to someone else. I went there on saturday to get some more stuff and she has totally wiped the place clean of me from the family portait to the concert tickets in the mirror. How did i push her away more by just telling her i love her and trying to tell her how sorry i am and know i did wrong and just wanted to fix it. Have i really pushed her away for good or is she just mad right now. She told me to get my life together and ask for a chance in a year but how can i sit and see if she finds someone else or is with someone else when i love her so much. There seams to be nothing i can do to get back with her and as i get farther away from her heart her co-worker is getting closer. I love her so much i see her as my once in a lifetime love or i would of never married her. She doesnt want to go to a marriage counsling, She doesnt want to even talk to me or anything to do with me. How could i possibly push her away that much. I wish she would realize that im sorry and i want to make it up to her. I just want my wife back in my arms so i can show her what she means to me and never have her feel unloved or unwanted again. Am i to late is there anything i can do or is my life going to be miserable evertime i see her for the kids for the rest of my life? Please someone help me i have tried everything and am at my wits end im depressed lost 30lbs and dont even want to be here without her and my kids with me i know i shouldnt be like that am im not going to but thats just how i feel. I love her and the kids so much i want to be the husband she deserves. Help with some advice on what i can do please and thankyou.

[whaywardj]

Who said it first? "Paragraphs are your friends." Didn't even bother trying to read it.

[Junsui]

I think it is too late. Sorry to say. She doesn't want to do couseling, she doesn't even want to talk to you and the house has already been cleared of any memory of you. I think it's over.

[whaywardj]

"To a nightmare of knowledge, he opens up the gate
A blinding revelation is served upon his plate
That beneath the greatest love lies a hurricane of hate
And God help the critic of the dawn."

-- Phil Ochs, "The Crucifixion"

The song was about JFK, btw.

[Ellynn]

Hate to say it.....but the best learned lessons....are from our mistakes....

[Lloyd95]

Who said it first? "Paragraphs are your friends." Didn't even bother trying to read it.

I did; as soon as I saw it, I scrolled down to the second post; thanks. I skipped it.

[vashti]

The think you aren't understanding about the way women work is that they "divorce" you in their mind long before they file the papers, so when they say it's over, it really IS over. That is why she can move on to the next guy so "fast" - she was done with you long before you knew about it.

I don't know for how long you have been licking your wounds, but I suggest you pull yourself together and get a job. (Throw away your computer if you lack self control.) You will need to participate in supporting your children if you ever want to have a shred of respect for yourself, and no good woman will ever want you if you shirk this responsibility.

[kikiboo]

If you can, you need to seek counseling. And she will most likely not come back to you. The same happened to me, that is, I, like your wife, left my husband. Like vashti says, women divorce you in their minds first.

Anyway, as a lesson for next time, you know when you let your wife go to bed crying alone? That is a VERY BAD mistake. All the nights my ex let me cry in bed alone (or on the couch), a little bit of me was drifting farther away from the relationship. And basically each time I cried, I was crying for the relationship that was dying.

I had loved my ex so much... like no other. But as I told him, if you neglect love, it will die. Now, I still care about him, but i am not one bit in love with him. I stopped being in love with him 6 months before we separated. It's been a little over a year since we've divorced. I have not changed my mind.

He tried much the same as you did to win me back, but to us, at that point, everything you do is because you are afraid to lose us. It's not because you love us.

[Rosebud]

First off you have to remember something... you guys are always going to be in each other's lives because of the children. But again you pushed her away more when she asked for space and you did not give it to her. It's hard for people to understand that but when they want to take a step back if the other person keeps following it makes you move farther back... and continue to do so until your completely out of the picture.

At this point there is nothing more you can do. You have stated how you feel on several occassions and she is aware of it. So now you need to focus on yourself and your kids. Let her have her time and everything she needs that you wouldn't give her before.

[whynot]

I guess even thoe its only been a week since i left i need to realize that its over and start moving on with my life. She told me to ask for a chance in a year and in this year im going to show her what she could of had and ask her in a year on a date again. She will always be in my heart and i cant give up forever.

[Rosebud]

It's not a matter of what she could have had... It's a matter of doing things for yourself that make YOU feel better, and feel better about YOURSELF!

[Tone]

It's not a matter of what she could have had... It's a matter of doing things for yourself that make YOU feel better, and feel better about YOURSELF!

(Isn't she so cute?)