Dating System

[Mish]

Okay, I thought I would share the main steps I think are crucial to get right when dating and in the correct order for anyone who is confused with the whole dating thing. There will ofcourse be some exception to the rule, but in general I think this is a system that's workable. Please add anything I might have missed.

Steps:

1. Finding a partner

Obvious first step and is probably the easiest. There are a lot of people out there to choose from.

2. Making Contact

Making contact via approach. Best if friendly and humourous. In most cases, I think this contact should not be too obvious, although it is okay to give out well timed compliments or being flirty

3. Working the dynamic

I think this is a crucial step, which establishes the nature of the relationship. If dynamic isn't working (You find yourself stumping or continiously feeling misunderstood, If you find yourself continiously putting in a lot of effort into keeping the conversation going etc), I find best thing to do is just give up right here and go back to step 1.

4. Asking out on a date

Once again, I found the hard way that without a good dynamic out of the hat dating is very tasteless and interview like. And it's hard to break the ice or throw off the restraints compared to when a good dynamic is already in place and you more or less feel free to be yourself and thus are happier than if you're out with a person you only just met.

5. Maintaining dynamic at the right level

Dynamic needs not be rushed or pushed back. Naturally a good dynamic left to it's own devices will continue towards emotional intimacy. However if the progress is slow, stepping in too soon to accelerate it can be disastrous. I guess finding the right balance for this dynamic is the real art of relationship building.

6. Maintaining contact frequency as per dynamic

As dynamic shifts further towards emotional intimacy the contact frequency tends to increase. The dates continue and become more exciting then the last. However, if this progress is slow it also needs not be rushed. Any aggravation at this stage will only cause distancing and unneccessary misunderstandings. Keeping cool, positivity and understanding is ussually the right way of contact frequency maintenance.

7. Establishing a relationship

Once emotional intimacy has been developed and the contact has become more or less frequent, establishing a relationship should not be hard as both parties will already be on a similar level. I don't have a good example on best way of bringing this up (It will always defer depending on people and situations).

What do you guys/girlks think, have I missed anything?

[Late_vamp]

thats a pretty good resume of dating ...good job Mish

[Mish]

Thanks Late_vamp

Not really a resume, just best way I think of making dating exciting, open and fun. The way it should be to begin with.

...LF Silently agrees

[Only-virgins]

I think you got number 1 right.....thats it. Let me try.

1. find a partner

2. Be yourself

[Mish]

I think you got number 1 right.....thats it. Let me try.

1. find a partner

2. Be yourself

That's right OV, don't even bother making any contact. It's too obvious what the response will be for you

[Late_vamp]

LOL ... that had me rolling .

[Rosebud]

You know I hate to say this but I think chicks have an easier time with all this. I know you guys will agree with me on that..LOL But I mean I don't think I've ever had to look or ask anyone for questions on how to approach someone or what to do on dates.

I have asked out guys before and I just go with the flow and be myself. I don't look too far into it. I mean if they don't like me then oh well, on to the next!

[funsounds]

...I just go with the flow and be myself. I don't look too far into it. I mean if they don't like me then oh well, on to the next!

yup...that's my system...

[Mish]

Okay, These are the common problems I find from NOT following any kind of a system:

1. Rushing in too soon
2. Not knowing the next step
3. Going through boring and tasteless "Let's get to know each other dates"
4. Expecting too much too soon
5. Loosing touch with a good partner
6. More chances both parties will be judged on vague appearance than personality
7. Wasting time on prospects that will never have a dynamic

Let's get this out of the way. I think people already use a system of some sort already (I.e. you wouldn't jump into a relationship before even talking to a person) so don't raise this "I don't use a system of any kind" crap. This is just a way to put all steps into a logical order and emphasise which steps are important...