First Love?...

[rayfin]

Hello Everyone

I'm too lazy to make introductions, cause I'm new :3 so here we go;

I am a freshman. I had mostly no experience with girls at all. I have found some particular girls physically attractive, and that was that. I didnt find any reason to initiate a relationship with a girl because:
#1.) I am bogged down with homework and the rest of my free time is spent browsing the internets. I feel that a girlfriend would take away all my free time, or at the very least disrupt it.
#2.) I never felt any reason to pursue the matter (I didnt "fall in love," so to speak, I only felt physically attracted at times)

Until now. There is this girl I sit next to in English class. Our English teacher constantly ends/starts class early/late, so I have plenty of time to talk. This girl, I actually had a :crush: on her (because she is very attractive as well) about 3 years back, but It never grew into anything more. She wasn't in any of my classes from then up until now, and I felt comfortable talking with her.

That's the relationship. Friendly chitchat between classmates. I didn't really think much of it. Winter break starts.

And, over winter break, I have a dream. About her.

The dream was a set up of me being her boyfriend for a week. We did various imaginary activities, and I woke up to me about to kiss her forehead.

I had a wave of perversion rolling about my head. Why would I dream about a girl? But then- I think I started to develop feelings. Up to now, two days later, I cant just stop thinking about her. I was thinking about her, and my heart rate would speed up for some reason. I labeled it my "first love"

Later, i googled- "love forum," and came up with this. The internet rocks >_<b

So. I have a few questions about this situation.
#1.) Will this "first love" thing last? It would be sad if it lasted a few more days- love feels great!
#2.) Am I considered a perverse, stalker sort of type by thinking this way? I cant help it...
#3.) At my age (14), I only want a nice friendship, then try to take it to the next level If my feelings still show true. However, to all you forumites past this age, Is this really a good choice? Will it alter completely my lifestyle as a student for better or for worse?
#4.) I described the situation to the best I could without feeling discomfortable. Is there a chance, in any world, that I could suceed?
#5.) If yes to above, How do I go about making myself a friend of hers?

By the way, we are both asian, and live in California. No more information than that.

EDIT*
And thanks for replying everyone, if you do! I'll read every single one carefully and closely since I have no experience at all, I'm just a noob at love, dating, flirting, etc.

[kawaii]

Hi Rayfin!

I'm pretty new here too. I loved reading what you wrote. I'll try my best to answer your questions.

#1.) Will this "first love" thing last? It would be sad if it lasted a few more days- love feels great! Yes, I think it will last for awhile. Fun, huh? And if it doesn't last, there will be a lot more moments like this in the years to come.

#2.) Am I considered a perverse, stalker sort of type by thinking this way? I cant help it... No, not at all

#3.) At my age (14), I only want a nice friendship, then try to take it to the next level If my feelings still show true. However, to all you forumites past this age, Is this really a good choice? Will it alter completely my lifestyle as a student for better or for worse? I think it's okay to become friends and see where that goes, but take it really slow (you're so young) and always always stay focused on your future, your goals, your studies. Never lose sight of that and never put it at risk.

#4.) I described the situation to the best I could without feeling discomfortable. Is there a chance, in any world, that I could suceed? Absolutely!

#5.) If yes to above, How do I go about making myself a friend of hers? When you come back from Winter break and you're both sitting down for class, ask her if she had a fun Winter Break. Ask what she did over the holiday. Then the next day, talk about something else, a school event coming up, homework, you name it! On Fridays, ask if she has anything fun planned for the weekend. On Mondays, ask how the weekend went. There's always something to talk about.

Good luck Rayfin! Let me know how it goes.

Kawaii

P.S. I'm asian too, mostly that is

[Only-virgins]

Haha, I find it funny how you are paranoid about being called perverse or stalker. I wouldn't be suprised if she took you up to her room and gave you a blow job on the first day you meet her....considering how things are going with girls these days. I also wouldn't be supirsed if you were not the first....second...if she is fourteen like you then she should be in the double digits by now lol.

[rayfin]

kawaii:
Thanks for the tips! I'll bet that they will help very much.

You know, though, I think it will be harder now to talk to her again- I mean, I had a dream about being her boyfriend, and it felt real. >_>;; Thinking about her all the time isn't going to help much either, I think.

OnlyVirgins:

I highly doubt that. You see, there is a sort of "hierarchy," Smart, middle, and Dumb. I dont even associate with any of the Dumbs, because some of them actually may do what you just implied. I think the higher 50 percentile of the "smarts" aren't going to have intercourse before they marry. We wont have enough sexual drive to override our sense of responsibility.

Last year, I got put into one of the "dumb" classes,(for the sake of me going into band) and there were a few people I met that I wouldn't be surprised if they had sex in another few years. It was actually sad, really, that they would be that way. A girl sitting next to me wrote, "SEX" on every other page of her notebook...

ANYWAYS (got a little off topic there) The person I am talking about is thankfully in the "smart" section, as am I (or else I wouldnt be in her class )

[funsounds]

I highly doubt that. You see, there is a sort of "hierarchy," Smart, middle, and Dumb. I dont even associate with any of the Dumbs, because some of them actually may do what you just implied. I think the higher 50 percentile of the "smarts" aren't going to have intercourse before they marry. We wont have enough sexual drive to override our sense of responsibility.

Last year, I got put into one of the "dumb" classes,(for the sake of me going into band) and there were a few people I met that I wouldn't be surprised if they had sex in another few years. It was actually sad, really, that they would be that way. A girl sitting next to me wrote, "SEX" on every other page of her notebook...

ANYWAYS (got a little off topic there) The person I am talking about is thankfully in the "smart" section, as am I (or else I wouldnt be in her class )

you are uber sheltered...

i did undergrad work, grad work, and summer research at the university of michigan - ann arbor, georgetown, upenn, and harvard...sex runs rampant amongst the so called "elite" young minds of america...

IQ scores, standarized test scores, and GPA have nothing to do with ones sex life. the most obtuse girl in the world could be a prude...and the class valedictorian might be a slut. academic success and sexual activity are not related...

[Only-virgins]

you are uber sheltered...

i did undergrad work, grad work, and summer research at the university of michigan - ann arbor, georgetown, upenn, and harvard...sex runs rampant amongst the so called "elite" young minds of america...

IQ scores, standarized test scores, and GPA have nothing to do with ones sex life. the most obtuse girl in the world could be a prude...and the class valedictorian might be a slut. academic success and sexual activity are not related...

I could not have said it better myself. I know a pharmacist who graduated at the top of her class and holy jebus she is a slut. I think how sexually active a person is has to do with personality and wisdom rather then study success. These dumb abused punk girls usually will give in sex to a local homeless bum.

[Psycam]

Rayfin: I agree with the above two posts, because although I am only two years older (16), I can attest that the aforementioned notion is no lie (and I go to a pretty decent boarding school). I used to have somewhat (but distant) similar beliefs in a way -- that smart girls are well-meaning and ethically/morally righteous.

Yeah, bullshit.

Intelligience really doesn't have any correlation with a sex life -- sometimes Asian parents will make it out to seem like the contrary.

But that isn't to say that there aren't many attractive young girls out there who are responsible. We're getting ahead of ourselves now.

As had been said before, it's recommended that you just take it easy and don't go too crazy over these new-found wonders If you're wondering about making a fool of yourself or finding yourself in awkward situations -- that will happen plenty of times in the next few years, but they will be learning experiences, and before you know it, you'll be different and more confident in yourself.

[rayfin]

That both scares and intrigues me, altough I would never follow up if she actually was like that

Today, I get the feeling of being perverse/stalker again. When I see her, I automatically switch to "friendly" mode and talk with her, laugh a bit, then the period ends.

Then I start thinking about her. I seek out where she sits during lunch break. I observe what she does in her free time. Just today, I sat in the library to watch what she does(reading of course). By now, I have a mental checklist of what friends she has (going so far as to observe thier different personalities), various places she goes to, and so on and so forth. Stalkerish behavior?

There is a dance coming up, and the students are forced to learn the dance (swing) during physical. She's in my same period, so I plan to ask her. Any advice on that matter? (other than physcing myself up for it )

[funsounds]

hey, if you don't have a restraining order against you then that means you're not trying hard enough!

but seriously...yeah, that's a little stalker-ish. gotta tone down the crazy a little. wouldn't wanna get found out, right? besides...you don't want thoughts of a girl dominating your mind. there's nothing wrong with day dreaming about your significant other or your crush from time to time...but it shouldn't interfere with your life...it shouldn't negatively impact your school work, your relationship with your other friends, your hobbies, etc. as long as having her on your mind doesn't interfere with anything, you're probably ok. but in your case...it sounds like you've changed your daily patterns just to see what she does, where she does it, when she does it, and who she does it with.

not good...

advice for asking her out? be casual. be confident. don't sweat it. just do it. prepare for the worst, hope for the best. good luck!

btw...someone said something about asians...man o man, i tell you what...the schools i attended, koreans are some slutty chicks!!!!!! some of them like to act prude...but get em to a party, let them loosen up, and they just get stupid! it wasn't just at one school...it was at UM, Harvard, UPenn, and Georgetown...all the same! them koreans were the sluttiest if we ranked sluttiest by race! but then...chinese and japanese girls really do seem like conservative prudes.

just a pointless observation...

[rayfin]

COLLEGE LOOKS SCARIER BY THE MINUTE @_@

Actually, today, our Janitor was being a bastard again, and he didnt roll out the cart of basketballs (I normally play basketball the whole of lunch) And I saw Her in there yesterday, so I figured to have a look. This, however, did affect my relationship with my friends. ( a bit)

They thought that I like books. I actually adore books, but they abhor 'em, so I started sketching instead of reading ( "see? I'm here to draw, not read ")

Another thing today: Our English teacher wanted us to do a roleplay on the book we were reading, and I was put into her group. I over-did my part, fake-crying and throwing a tantrum- to everyone's humor. She was laughing as well.

Is this good or bad? I was laughed at (which I dont mind) for impersonating a weak pansy. Good acting skills, or she thinks I'm that way? what do you think?

Also, the Swing dance, they instruct us during school (the purpose is to teach it to the parents on swing night) The boys ask the girls, and the girls cant refuse. Is this too forcefull, or shows my feeling for her in the process? Or will she call it off as her being a friend, and therefore an alternative choice to the faulty random pairings?

If she asks, which one should I say?

[Prodigal]

This concerns me. It seems that you are not being yourself. Quote, "They thought that I like books. I actually adore books, but they abhor 'em, so I started sketching instead of reading". This is alarming because you are acting like you don't like something when you do. You're trying way too hard, and in the process, you are not being yourself. If she does end up liking you, it won't be for YOU. It'll be for this fake persona you've set up to try to get her attention.

[rayfin]

I like sketching
Though, That said, you have a point there. I'll keep that in mind. Thank you!

[bluesummer]

Rayfin, all I have to say is that most of your emotions and reactions towards this girl are pretty typical of guys and girls your age. Actually, girls tend to get this way a little sooner, and their obsessive behaviour also tends to include planning their future wedding and children with their crush. When you're interested in a person, you feel like you want to do anything and everything to impress them or have them notice you. The lesson you need to learn, hopefully as young as possible, is that you should never try to change yourself to impress anyone, especially a love interest. Anyone worth being with will fall for you for who you are. So if you love books, read them.

You initially asked whether pursuing a relationship at this age would affect your studies, and my answer to that is probably yes. Most young people in relationships underestimate the emotional and psychological involvement that comes with a relationship of any kind. It starts to permeate your every thought. You start cutting out things that were previously important to you to spend time with that person. I've seen it happen to many a bright young person. It starts to really screw your priorities unless you are an extremely strong person with a lot of common sense.

Best of luck.....and keep on top of your education. You can mess around with all the girls you want in college (I hope we aren't scaring you away from college now.....ha ha ha)

[kawaii]

Hey Rayfin!

If she was laughing, that's a very good thing! She already knows that you're studious, right? So I bet she got a kick out of seeing your acting "skills".

About the Swing dance - Yes, ask her to dance and don't worry about how she'll interpret it. BTW, how do you want her to interpret it? Do you want her to know that you like her?

Kawaii

P.S. Just for the record, I'm not korean

[rayfin]

Rayfin, all I have to say is that most of your emotions and reactions towards this girl are pretty typical of guys and girls your age. Actually, girls tend to get this way a little sooner, and their obsessive behaviour also tends to include planning their future wedding and children with their crush. When you're interested in a person, you feel like you want to do anything and everything to impress them or have them notice you. The lesson you need to learn, hopefully as young as possible, is that you should never try to change yourself to impress anyone, especially a love interest. Anyone worth being with will fall for you for who you are. So if you love books, read them.

This is pretty cool- having an array of people willing to give some insight on this sort of thing. Thank you!

She obviously likes books too,(why would she spend lunch in the library then? ) so no problem there. I'll think of that when other similarities/differences pop up in future relationships.

To kawaii- Personally, I would want her to know. I'm just really interested in what would follow up If she did. What her reaction would be, rejection, acceptance, things like that.

However, due to our age, I have reasons not to. I dont want to date, cause that would take away time from studies, hobbies, and such, for me as well as for her. I dont want to ruin her free time as well.

My "plan" is to get close to her now in terms of being friends, until I figure out my feelings, and when I'm mature enough, see what I do from there. (hopefully it won't be too late)

So in conclusion, I would like her to know, but I'm against the idea of advancing any further in that direction.

Oh, and I dont care if you're not korean. I think, that in funsound's post, It doesnt really matter if there was a strain of korean girls having lot's of sex. It would just be an abnormally large amount of koreans that underwent something in thier local environment that caused them to be that way, not something in thier ethnic blood that made them like that.

In short, I dont belive in this sort of racist, "koreans are slutty" type of thing