girlfriend's old boyfriend

[justaguy]

Well, I meet this girl a few months ago and we are going out together as boyfriend and girlfriend.... and everything is going just fine.... actually, I love her very much. The other night my girl opens up about an old boyfriend that she is still in contact with. They apparently went out for many years and she decided way back then that he wasn't her type of guy so they are just friends. She has been in other relationships since their parting. She told me that during the time that they dated that they never had sex. I asked never? You did nothing? She added that they only petted when they dated... which I believe. Actually, I trust her and believe everything she has told me.... my question is... is this healthy? It seems to me that the old boyfriend lingers because he has not found a girlfriend and he continues to hope that one day they will become more then just friends and she is too nice and can't really say goodbye. She did tell me that she didn't think that he would ever want to meet me.... which leads me to believe that he can not move on. I think she may use him to get opinions from a male prospect but I'm not sure. Should I tell her what I think or should I just leave it alone? Is this a common thing and could this strain our relationship?

[TAVS]

Depends on the people. I'm still good friends with my Ex twice removed. My recent Ex, was a little jealous of her but I didn't consider that my problem. I'd like to stay friends with my recent Ex, although I'm with someone new, but it doesn't seem she's interested. Anyway, more to the point, assuming they aren't fooling around, they have every right to be friends. It's up to you to decide if you can handle that or not.

[Tone]

The only way it will strain your relationship is if you let it.

Like TAVS said it depends on the people. You have to trust your girlfriend. You trust her right? Then why worry?

Now - if it becomes a problem, like he calls all the time while you guys are trying to hang out, or he's constantly stopping by her house while you are there, etc then by all means, let her know that if she doesn't do something about it - you will.

[justaguy]

Okay, but I'm not sure why anyone would want to be in a situation like this? I still wish the best for my ex-girlfriend but I would never want to see her again.... when a relationship is over shouldn't you just move on?

[TAVS]

Okay, but I'm not sure why anyone would want to be in a situation like this? I still wish the best for my ex-girlfriend but I would never want to see her again.... when a relationship is over shouldn't you just move on?

Different people have different points of views. The way I see it.....
It didn't work out. We're night right for eachother as lovers. That doesn't mean they don't make a good friend or that I no longer appreciate them for who they are and what they once meant to me. But as I said, there's nothing wrong with having the opposite view on this either.

[Tone]

Okay, but I'm not sure why anyone would want to be in a situation like this?

Why do people like to eat monkey brains?

Different strokes for different folks.

[justaguy]

Why do people like to eat monkey brains?

Different strokes for different folks.

Sure, I understand hanging on for some people.... even though it's not me. I guess the odd part of all this is that the ex-boyfriend doesn't acknowledge me.... in other words is not interested in meeting me.... why? Not that I would want to meet him but I see a underlying reason.... that he hopes their ex-bf/gf relationship to someday continue.

As far as my girlfriend is concerned she has asked me many times if I am still in contact with my ex... and I am not.... and would never consider that. Seems to be a double standard. But, I know girls are different.

Could I be right or am I off base here?

[TAVS]

He should at least have the balls to interact with you. That's a completely different story. It's not like ya'll have to be best friends but I'd be more suspect knowing what you just said. He's still hooked on her I bet.

[Tone]

Yeah I agree that it does sound like he's still bent up on her.. but it's just one of the things you have to learn to deal with when you have an attractive girlfriend - guys are going to want her and try to take her from you.

You have to be secure in knowing she's with YOU. He does sound like a weenie guy, won't even meet you.. that is messed up. But unless it becomes a problem, unless he crosses the line, then don't sweat him.. he means nothin to you, just a small annoying fly in your life that if you choose to ignore won't even bother you anymore.

[justaguy]

Yeah I agree that it does sound like he's still bent up on her.. but it's just one of the things you have to learn to deal with when you have an attractive girlfriend - guys are going to want her and try to take her from you.

You have to be secure in knowing she's with YOU. He does sound like a weenie guy, won't even meet you.. that is messed up. But unless it becomes a problem, unless he crosses the line, then don't sweat him.. he means nothin to you, just a small annoying fly in your life that if you choose to ignore won't even bother you anymore.

Yeah, I don't really have a problem with it I just think they are wasting time. Time to move on.....