"what's he thinking?"

[lovesjoyajm]

I know it's impossible to tell without knowing the people, but I just want your opinions on my situation...I apologize in advance for my inability to be brief

I'm a 20-year-old girl in college. Never been in a relationship. Kinda awkward around guys I like... don't think I can flirt, but other people tell me I do.
Anyway, I met this guy in one of my classes at the beginning of Fall '05 semester - we were lab partners in our Calc class. I had an immediate huge crush on him, and thought about him ALL the time. He's funny, I think he's really cute, outgoing, etc. We would get together to do homework once in awhile and he would drive me back to my dorm. Not really touchy-feely, but he'd touch my arm or something once in a while.
End of the semester we got together to study, at the lab where we usually did homework, and after 2 hours or so he said he needed to go back to his apartment to get something to eat (he lives alone off-campus), and asked if I would mind going over there. No problem. We went over, studied for awhile, and ended up just watching some movies and talking... nothing "happened". When I left, I went to hug him and it was kind of awkward, but it was generally pretty comfortable and relaxed.
A week later was our final, and we planned to get together on Sunday night to make study guides and everything. We met at the lab, and soon after he said he'd rather go back and study at his place. We went back and he said he didn't want to study. We turned on a movie. He went to get changed, and came back not wearing a shirt. I was sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket, (it was cold!) and he asked if I had seen a blanket. I replied "um, you mean this one? you can have it!" and he was like "no, we can share it." So he came and pulled the blanket over him too. Again, nothing really happened - he kinda had his arm behind me on the couch, but we weren't even really touching. We talked a lot about random stuff.
Later, he went to get a drink and came back and asked "Hey, this may seem weird, but are you good at giving backrubs?" I said I guessed so, but that I demanded backrub payback , so he laid down on the floor (still no shirt) and I went and sat on the floor next to him and started giving him a backrub. He said "No, you have to be on top of me." So I sat on his back and gave him a backrub for like 5 or 10 minutes (felt like 2 seconds... lol) After a few minutes he got up to turn off the TV, and said he would reciprocate, so I laid down and he gave me a really good backrub for a bit.
It was 3 am and we had a final the next day, so I left soon after... he actually initiated the hug-giving this time (still wearing no shirt! argh!) Next day we didn't get to talk really because of the exam. That's basically all... we saw each other yesterday, hugged, and talked for 10 minutes and he said he's been meaning to call me.

What do you think? Sorry that was so unnecessarily long... I guess I like to relive these experiences by writing about them.
ETA: Basically, what I've gotten so far is that he wants me to like him, but whether its for his own ego or because he actually likes me is the question. Anyone good at reading these things?

[vashti]

It sounds like he may have been tryingto figure out how to get you to make a pass at him, but failed.

I don't care for the whole "will you give me a backrub" bit, though. Very trite. Next time, if I were you, I'd ask him if he is a good tipper. Also, the no shirt bit when it is cold outside is... well, kinda yucky. He sounds like he is a bit too smooth for my taste.

[Tone]

I think he likes yoooouuu!

He's just being a pansy and won't make a REAL move on you yet.

You can either:

1) Continue the role of the woman, make sure you flirt a lot, make a lot of eye contact, smile a lot at him, touch him in little ways.. let your body language give off the fact you like him too and that you want him to take things further.

or

2) You can take the initiative and make "the move". Maybe ask him over to your place and make dinner together? And if you have the chance, go in for a kiss.


I'd go with #1. Just cause I think the man should be the one to make the first "move". And I think the woman should be giving off signals for the man to pick up on.

Sorry - would think about this more and/or write more but I really gotta go!

Good luck, Annie!

[Tone]

He sounds like he is a bit too smooth for my taste.

Yeah he does kinda sound like that, huh?

That is pretty cheesy/weak LoL - "Hey, are you any good at back rubs??"

Maybe he's a player and just lookin to get in your pants.. you met him in Fall '04??? That's quite awhile. Makes me a little suspicious..

Oh well - good luck!

[lovesjoyajm]

Wow, I meant Fall '05. Oops. (Can't believe how time flies!)

And wow, you guys are great! quick replies!!

Yeah, I know what you mean about the backrub thing. That was the most conspicuous part. He had had a little to drink at the time, which I forgot to mention. Hmm...

[lovesjoyajm]

I think he likes yoooouuu!

Well, that's encouraging

2) You can take the initiative and make "the move". Maybe ask him over to your place and make dinner together? And if you have the chance, go in for a kiss.

haha - my place is a tiny dorm room with 3 roommates, and a crappy oven out in the hallway. hmm....

I'd go with #1. Just cause I think the man should be the one to make the first "move". And I think the woman should be giving off signals for the man to pick up on.

I agree, guys should take the initiative. Also I have a rather unfortunate fear of rejection... The most important hesitation though, is that I find it hard to believe that any random guy I meet will have the same values as me as far as relationships go, and I don't want to bring it up if I'm not even sure he likes me.

[lovesjoyajm]

So glad I found this place! I always feel bad burdening my friends with all these stories about him, but at least you guys can just choose to ignore me

So, something that may make a difference in the backrub thing (not that I'm trying to justify his apparent sleaziness - lol!) is that I'm a violinist and he's a ballet dancer, and we've talked before about how sore you get... he's been injured a lot and my shoulders and back are chronically tight. (Also, I may have casually mentioned how at the music camp I went to, we had back massage lines a few times a day... I figured as a ballet dancer he was probably good at giving backrubs )

Anyway, it's great having people to give me good advice... and I just enjoy seeing other people's opinions because my friends are very mixed about it. So any and all pointless are still welcome

[PreciousGem]

I know how you feel lovesjoyajm! I always feel like a burden around my friends when all I want to talk about is my love life (or lack there of). It's great to have a place to talk about it and not feel bad talking about it.

You're a violinist? Awesome! I'm a french hornist. I assume you're going to school for music or still playing in an orchestra? Very cool!

But I have to agree with vashti on this one... he does sound too smooth for his own good. But, if he had a little to drink... that very well could have played into it. I would see what he did the next time you saw him... if he acts weird around you (or not as comfortable as before) then I would say it was the alcohol that was doing the talking and making the moves. See how it goes the next time you're with him.

[lovesjoyajm]

Sorry - would think about this more and/or write more but I really gotta go!

Good luck, Annie!

thanks! if you have any more thoughts, let me know!!

[lovesjoyajm]

WARNING: I'm just writing b/c I'm confused, I know this information might not be very useful in the "does he like me" department
So, yeah, now I'm just confused. He (we'll call him O) has always been very irresponsible about returning calls, in that I don't think he's ever returned one, but it makes it very hard to know whether it's him not being interested, or him actually not getting messages.
For example, I called him last night to ask for my calculator back, which I lent him before Christmas break...didn't hear from him. But then today I found out that he signed up for the Calc 3 class right before mine, so he'll be there on his way out every day I'm on my way in... Anyway, I said hi, and forgot to ask if he had gotten my message... I was too shocked at seeing him there.
So I went up to his office where he does research after class to see about the calculator, and a prof answered the door. The prof frequently came into the room when O and I were in there last semester, studying, while O was supposed to be working. So i think he thinks there's something going on. I apologized for interrupting and just asked O for the calculator, and told him to call me if he wanted to work on the homework together like we did last semester. He was totally friendly and like "Oh, yeah, let's do that... no problem" etc.
But now my problem is... the thing that happened last semester would never have happened if I hadn't called him to remind him that we were supposed to be getting together (which, by the way, was his idea). So I just can't decide if I would be "bugging him" (one of my worst insecurities) to call him more about getting together... he never picks up his phone...so on the off chance he were to pick it up, would it be more useful to just outright invite him to dinner? Keeping in mind that he has rehearsals every day and is never available between 4 and 9:30....

AARRRGGHHH... sorry this was so useless.