This is a really gooooood one......

**Lance** · 07-02-06, 11:29 PM

I am 40 and my wife is 25. We've been married for 4 years now and together for 6.5.

About 8 months ago I left for Australia to support my family for work. My wife and kids stayed behind and were supposed to eventually move to Australia but after about 4 months my wife decided to get a job and stay in the States. Things were ok for a while but then I tried to manipulate her to get her to move to Australia by saying I was having an affair then when seeing this had no affect would let her know I wasn't. Things were touch and go and we still communicated although not well. About 1 month ago things suddenly turned for the worst and she stopped communicating all together. I left for the States immediately only to arrive to find her and the kids gone. For a couple weeks I tried to communicate with her via email but she refused.
She didn't know what to say so she let her boyfriend (found this out later) write emails as her to tell me that she had met someone else and was "Moving on" I managed to convince her to see me where we talked for a while, had a couple drinks then put the kids to bed then made love for 4 hours like nothing had ever happened it was very strange. She didn't even call him to even tell him she was ok even when I asked her to. The next
day we woke up and talked for hours and hours she spent the day with me and we seemed to be reconciling. We again made love that day. She states that she loves me and that she doesn't love him and isn't planning on getting married. Later on she left again to go to a Superbowl party with him. It was that evening when I got a letter basically saying that it wasn't fair for her to lead me on because when I leave for Australia she's just going to go back to him. She didn't think it was a very good decision and she wasn't even really sure why she was doing it but she felt it was something she had
to do. She says she doesn't know what she wants. She says she will always
love me that I am the father of her children and still ends some messages with "I love you"

It's very odd and I have no idea what's going on maybe someone can elaborate?

The guy is 46 and she's 25 He has a house and nice car and children of his own he's divorced. My wife is on Anti-Depresents and has been diagnised as being a Manic Depressive and is neurotic to boot. When I asked if they had anything in common she said they're on the same medication rofl....

She doesn't seem to love him she's negative about him so I can't really see why she's doing this and I don't even think she knows. She moved in with him suddenly with the kids as well.

I was wondering with what's happened here and her cheating on him with me a couple times if her relationship is now doomed to succeed...... I mean it was based on her cheating on me with him so he can't possibly trust her now that she's cheated on him with me a couple times.

I have no clue what's going on it's all very strange to me.

Does this sound like she's in a rebound relationship? Sounds that way to me.
I hope it goes down the tubes because I really love my wife. I just think she has some issues.

**vashti** · 07-02-06, 11:34 PM

You started dating her when she was 18 or 19 and you were in your mid 30's; I'd say you BOTH have issues.

Anyway, I don't know why you would think it is okay for you to live in two different countries. She is young, and obviously is needing more attention than you are providing. I suggest you try living in the same country, especially since you have kids that may benefit from having a more traditional family arrangement.

**TAVS** · 07-02-06, 11:37 PM

Sorry Dude; You have to move back home. There's more important things in life than a job.

**Lance** · 07-02-06, 11:41 PM

Yeah......she was supposed to move to Australia and there was always friction there.
I do think that has allot to do with it but at the same time I'm kinda stuck because there are very few jobs out here. I've told my wife that she has only to ask and I will stay...... but she still keeps saying "This is something I need to do" She just sent me a letter with kisses on it.... "xxxxooooo" Man I'm confused.

**vashti** · 07-02-06, 11:42 PM

Why does she need to ask? Why don't you just make an assertive decision to stay?

Tone · 07-02-06, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by TAVS

Sorry Dude; You have to move back home. There's more important things in life than a job.

Yeah seriously, I was gonna say something similar.

**TAVS** · 07-02-06, 11:47 PM

It seems in your hands Lance. Make a choice.

**Late_vamp** · 07-02-06, 11:50 PM

leave the work and go back to the essentials ... actually she sounds kinda like a skank so why bother ...

**Lance** · 08-02-06, 12:00 AM

What's a Shank? rofl

***august*** · 08-02-06, 12:45 AM

yeah I"m not sure why you would need to ask her if you should stay...this is your life and your family....if you care about them your going to have to fight for them....

How old are your kids? As hard as this may be for you right now I think you should be a little more concerned about them...this definetly can't be good for them, there father moving to another country, their mom having a boyfriend while you guys are still technically married???? I think its important for you to be a constant presence in their life especially right now.

I don't know this situation doesn't even sound like a martial problem to me, it sounds like something that would happen while your dating BEFORE you get married....and i guess that is me being hopeful and young and thinking shit like this isn't suppose to happen once your married.

**Lance** · 08-02-06, 01:20 AM

Yeah the kids are 2 and 3 and I'm starting to think you guys are right and that I should just stay here. Work's really tuff to find at the moment here. My wife just IM'd me and wants me to have lunch with her. :/ I'll talk to her about it.

**TAVS** · 08-02-06, 01:25 AM

Get a part time job or two in the mean time while you look for a more permament position.

**clynn** · 08-02-06, 01:42 AM

wow.

So you tried to manipulate her to move by telling her you were having an affair?

That wouldn't inspire security in anybody.

Then, in turn, she started an affair on you.

Holy, you guys got troubles beyond what I think I can comment on.

But, yah, did you have to move as far away as Australia to find work? Couldn't you have gone just to the next state or something?

**Lance** · 08-02-06, 02:17 AM

It was a really good career move and my wife just didn't want to move there. Yeah we have issues lol...... We had talked about it but she just says yes to everything to me and she can't say "No" After talking with her she said that she just can't say "No" to me no matter what..... it's weird but I really do love her and my kids and want to save our Marriage that's not just me being loanly talking I'm a very handsome man and have no problems getting women. If I wanted I could be sitting on the beach sipping margaritas right now with 2 hotties but I love my wife and just want to be with her and
fix our marriage. Right now I'm going to have lunch with her and surprise her with something sweet and nice maybe it'll help.

**TAVS** · 08-02-06, 03:15 AM

Originally Posted by Lance

I'm a very handsome man and have no problems getting women. If I wanted I could be sitting on the beach sipping margaritas right now with 2 hotties but I love my wife and just want to be with her and
fix our marriage.

That kind of attitude aint going to get you very far. Wow.

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