The fabled three words

[WhatToDo20]

"I Love You"

Alright... well... let me give you some back story.

My first post here was about my girl and me being nervous and such about commitment and trusting her... which I've learned so far to deal with.
http://www.loveforum.net/t11702-so-im-20-and-shes-17-(novel-sized).html

Some interesting things have happened since then. See, in past relationships, when I'm upset about my girl, pertaining to her flirting with other guys, I usually keep it to myself so I don't sound like a possessive *******... but in turn I'm upset for the next three or so days til I get over it... never fun.

Anyway so we were at this party and I didn't know ANYONE, and not to mention there were no girls there cept my girl and her sisters. Pretty much it wasn't a party, we were just going to see this band play, which was cool n stuff.. and there was a bit of alcohol involved in the mix. I noticed her kinda starin down this dude and he was all funny and shit, which I normally am too, but ya I didn't know anyone and kinda felt out of place so I was just like meh, not to mention I'd been up for about 50 hours. Anyway she started drinking and stuff, and I just got upset because I started thinking about stuff like "damn why is she with me when she could have someone way better looking and who can play guitar like that" and all that... dumb of me in retrospect but at the time it seemed like I had no confidence in myself.

So later that night after we left, I just told her that, and said that it pisses me off when a guy is totally trying to get with my girlfriend... but at the same time I'm not the sort of guy to like, be way protective. When I'm at a party with my girl, I don't stay by her side, in fact I'm usually not hanging around her just because I always laugh at guys who are like that, who have their arm around their girl the whole night trying to "tell" everyone that she is his. I like to give girls their space, the occasional hug here and there and a kiss or two is always good, but none of that hardcore hanging on eachother all night crap, it's rediculous. I like a girl who can go play in the yard and have fun, but not break through the fence and "dissapear for 15 minutes" at a party. Humans are social creatures, I would hate it if a girl kept me from talking and flirting with another chick at a party... not that I'd act on anything should the situation arise.. I'd be like, woah, look I got a girlfriend, sorry lad... if ya wanna join us that's cool though! ;-) god love bi girls.

So woah, not to get way off topic... but yeah, I told her that I was starting to just feel almost insecure and she got all lovey dovey on me and stuff and told me that I had nothing to worry about... and I know that there's nothing wrong with talking to another guy, just like if I'm talking to another girl it doesn't mean I want to sleep with her. So that was reassuring.. then we got onto the topic of cheating, and man, what a ball of wax that was.

To sum up the first half, she told me that if I ever cheated on her, that she just hopes I would tell her, and she would forgive me. And I told her if she cheated on me that I'd hope she tell me, and I'm not sure how I would react, but I'd rather be stabbed in the chest than in the back. But I also told her that, life is life, and shit happens, and I definately know that for a fact... so if she did get drunk as hell at some party and ended up sleeping with a guy, I wouldn't be a happy camper and whatnot, but it doesn't mean I'd flat out dump her... Chances are I'd just forgive her. It all depends in how they tell you, and if they are actually remorseful about it. If you find out that she is going to hang out with the dude a few days later, that's ****ed up bullshit and ya better can the *****. But yeah, I have had my drunken moments, and know exactly how things can get way outa control too fast and before you know it, you just banged some chick. It's the whole "persuing a relationship" with someone while you're dating someone else thing that gets me going... that shit is just bogus.

Anyway I straight up told her that I would never cheat on her, and she had nothing to worry about from my side of things. And I think that might have been on her mind because, the night before she had to stay in.. and somehow, beyond me, I ended up having 4 cars of girls who I didn't know at ALL follow me to this party and hung out with them all night long drinking the night away. And of course I told her because it was ****ing crazy, I've never picked up that many girls in one night to go party... it was just nuts, so yeah, I was boasting a bit... as well I should have! ;-) But I think that might have got her worried.. but yea, nothing happened with any of them, in fact I told them all off the bat that "I wish my girlfriend could hang out with us tonight" and they were all like "awwwww" hehe :-)

So anyway we got onto this whole topic of "telling the truth" about cheating, and she said... that she almost prefers to live being sad, so that when her heart is broken it doesn't sting as bad. And I told her that it's ok for her to feel secure in our relationship because I won't break her heart... In fact, to delve a litter deeper, we got into this whole underlying issue about how she gets depressed sometimes for no reaosn at all (well, we got to the reason a little later, but at first she said no reason), even when things are awesome and great. It all has to do with this being sad thing, and not fully giving her heart to someone, so that she has some left when they break up. I guess in her past relationships, she would LET guys cheat on her, and forgive them.. and I told her that is ****ed up beyond belief, and that no girl should have to go through that torment. And I told her again that, if I ever did cheat on her, I'd tell her... but I swore to her, staring her in the eyes, that I would never cheat on her.

So she started crying with her head on my chest. She said she almost cried earlier that night when we were talking in my car about similar issues, and earlier in the garage, in fact, about similar issues! (yeah we talked for like 4 hours). Anyway she said be right back and ran out to the garage because she didn't want me to see her cry, and after about two minutes I walked out there, just as she opened the door I was standing there with my hands up on the wall and just flat out said "What are you scared of?" and she said she wasn't scared, and came and held on to me for like 5 minutes. Anywho we went to sit back down and after a little bit of talking and sitting there holding eachother, she finally said "I guess what scares me is that, nothing perfect lasts forever." And how she was scared that after 3 or 4 months of us dating we would grow apart (we've been together almost 2 months) when the honeymoon phase ends. I told her that as long as I make her happy, that I will be there with her. She kind of stared at me for a few seconds, and said "I don't want to freak you out or anything... but... I think that I could love you." And I was just like :-o I gave her a big hug and held her really close to me and said "Well I hope you know that I definately feel the same way."

Oh, and so we talked a little more and she said she was surprised that I didn't leave when she went out to the garage... she thought I'd just be wierded out and go home. And she thought I'd be all wierded out that she was crying into my chest and stuff... and I straight told her that "I'm not wierded out... right now I think is the closest I've ever felt to you, I have no reason to leave." and I think that made her happy... :-)

So what I'm getting to... is well, valentines day is coming up... it might be seeming like the time to pop out those three words, I'm not sure though. She has definately been hurt in the past, and I think that saying "I love you" means a lot to her, I mean, for her to say them to me... is what I meant. If she says that then she's serious... and I don't wanna say I love you and not get a reply, that just sucks! Hehe.. but yeah... We've had some pretty heavy conversations here and there, not an every day thing, but a couple. And from what I've gathered, she is scared of being hurt... so it may be hard for herself to expose her heart and put herself out there. I dunno I have to give it some thinkin'.

Tell me what ya all think, thanks! :-)

[Cybog]

I was thinking...

I am pregnant

I have HIV

etc.

[Only-virgins]

Wow, that is the longest post I have seen on here.

[clynn]

Yep.

Tell her you love her. She's already set the stage and pretty much said it. You can count on the fact she feels the same way.

Go for it! Have fun!