Saw my ex after being dumped 4 months ago

[Journey]

Yesterday was a big day for me. I wanted to talk to the friend of the ex but the phone was still not working, so I called the ex and talked to her after almost four months. We had a nice talk – she asked me about her friend, who I have been seeing for a couple months, and why I wanted my space. I explained it to her and then I asked her about her new boyfriend. She then asked to meet me for a coffee, so we ended up spending a lot of the day together.

She really wants me and her friend to be together. She told me that the friend was just changing phone plans so that it should be working soon. I said I would maybe call her in a few days.

I asked the ex about her new boyfriend. I knew he was 42 (now 43), but now I know that his two kids are 7 and 10, that he was married for 15 years and he is a lawyer. By the way I'm 30 and she's 29. She showed me pictures of the two of them on a weekend skiing vacation. I didn’t say anything but damn it wasn’t easy. It was made easier because he isn’t much to look at, but I guess that’s not what she cares about. He’s definitely not as in good shape and not as good looking as me .She asked me for my opinion of him. I said its just a picture and that I don’t know him, but if she is happy that is all that matters. I was on the brink of saying – “I can’t look at these anymore”. But I stuck it out.

Anyways she said that she finds ‘strength’ in him and that he supports her dreams to work and live here. They have their differences but that she thinks she has found the right man for her. She kept saying to me how she has gained 14 pounds – and it looks like that was over the time she’s been out of my life. Its noticeable, but I still told her though that she hasn’t changed a bit and that she is beautiful. I meant it too.

She commented how I haven’t called her in so long to be friends. She kept prolonging our time together yesterday – the coffee turned into breakfast, then lunch, and then for a walk through the mall and visiting different stores. She even wanted to see me later that night.

I updated her on my situation too - my promotion at work, my mortgage being paid off soon, my plans to invest in more real estate, my dance classes, and yoga. It kind of hurt me how much she wants to see me and her friend together so much, because I guess I still love her and I would take her back. I know its so crazy. I guess she must really like this guy.

As for the friend I think the best thing is for me to tell her that I just want to be friends.

[clynn]

which ex? What out?

I think for the friend of the ex - you should just leave it. Don't get in contact or phone her. You've already broken up with her and if you don't want to be with her, you should leave her be. Don't give her any reason to think that there is hope between the two of you.

As for the ex.....sounds as though she is very happy with the new guy. She sadly has moved on.

[Lloyd95]

That's funny because just the other day a new member here, an older gentleman, was concerned that his new, younger, gf had been getting together with her ex, and this ex still had strong feelings for her. We told him to kick the exes @ss; let me see if I can find the thread....

[misombra]

somehow i think it's very strange for a girl to hang out all day into the night with her ex-boyfriend and show him pictures of her new man. especially after 4 months. maybe it's just me.

[dono]

Word to post above.

Yeah dude... unless she's psyco...

PS: I'm not ghetto

[Converse]

Yup I agree with Misombre, issues.

[clynn]

Yah, that was weird for her to do that.

[Journey]

Yah, that was weird for her to do that.

You mean like deliberately trying to hurt me? It did hurt. But I was strong and I just said that I was happy for her and that her being happy is all I ever wanted. I took a really good look at one of the pictures. I could sense her feelings - like she knew that what she was doing was not right. The guy doesn't take care of himself. She is going downhill too - taking herself to the same level. I was motivating for her and I'm starting fresh. This guy's done it all before - marriage, a family. He now just wants a piece of tail and she wants security. She's being used and with me she had the real deal. Too bad she's got to give it up for that ****.

[Mish]

I don't know the history of this relationship, but sounds like she is missing some old times with you. I would say that most relationships end for a reason and I would advise to not entertain thoughts of any kind of reconiliation with her especially if she is in some sort of a relationship. I would definetly stay away from her, unless your feelings are still so strong that you would like some sort of a chance with her (In which case proceed with a lot of caution)

[Journey]

I don't know the history of this relationship, but sounds like she is missing some old times with you. I would say that most relationships end for a reason and I would advise to not entertain thoughts of any kind of reconiliation with her especially if she is in some sort of a relationship. I would definetly stay away from her, unless your feelings are still so strong that you would like some sort of a chance with her (In which case proceed with a lot of caution)

Hey Mishanya,
When I called the ex, it was only to find out what was wrong with her friends phone. She suggested meeting and we ended up spending a lot of time together. I actually had a really good time.
That’s after not calling her or seeing her for so long and knowing she is with another guy. I needed that time and she knows I just walked away and let her live her life.
But would it be OK to call her up now and hang out as a friend? It seemed like she had fun with me too – suggesting we go out later that night. By hanging out, would it kill my chances of ever being with her again? – by sending the message that “Hey I’m OK with you being with that other guy”?

By showing that I can be her friend though, does’nt it show that I can be her friend no matter what – that I’m OK with her being with that other guy because I feel so confident about myself that I will be with someone else? (other than her friend - Yes, I will dump her).
I think she might get to like me again. Fact is Mishanya, I’m 13 years younger, waaaay better looking, have no kids, and although I might not have as much money, I am doing really well for my age.

[clynn]

I wouldn't wait around for this to change.

The thing is....what if she does break up with her boyfriend? But then doesn't want to get back together with you anyhow? Hmmm? Wouldn't that be a big drag.

[Mish]

By hanging out, would it kill my chances of ever being with her again? – by sending the message that “Hey I’m OK with you being with that other guy”?

I think it's okay to stay friends with your exs, but it looks like you still want to be with her. You can try if you are still not over her. It's just it's going to be 10 times more difficult for you to be with her than with a girl that you might meet at your friend's party this weekend or the weekend after, because you have a past with her and she is in another relationship. Plus, if you do get back together with her all the reasons you broke up with her in the first place would still be there. If you really want to you can try, but I advise it would be much easier for you to find someone who is more into you and closer to your age.

P.S. It maybe difficult for you to stay friends with her as well, seeing her with another guy and all...