What's my next move?

[beeper107]

My friends and I hang out at this sports bar every Thursday night. There's a waiter there that's been looking good to me since the beginning of the year. He kinda flirted with me last fall, but I wasn't in a good place personally, so I didn't do anything about it. Now I'm in a much better place with myself and feel I could have fun with this guy. Maybe even a relationship. The good thing is, even though I kind of ignored him last fall, he still seems interested in me.

Well, last night was Thursday, so I met my friends at the bar. The waiter was there, but he wasn't our waiter. We were seated in his section. I was sitting with my side to one of my friends, both so I could watch the Olympics (which were on the TV behind the bar) and so she could talk to me at the same time. So, this waiter is working in his section, serving other people, and I'm turned around in my chair, watching TV. Everytime the waiter has to walk through his section, he went directly in front of me. I had my whole body turned towards the TV, and I was stretched out at times. I don't know if this makes any sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is, was this really the best way for him to get around his section, or was he trying to get me to notice him? He didn't exactly block my view of the TV, but he was in my eyeline at least ten times.

We stayed a pretty long time, so long that we were one of the last groups there. He's kinda friendly with one of my friends (she's married with three kids, but really easy to talk to), so he came over and said hi to us and was talking to us. He mostly talked to my friend (the married one was sitting right next to me), but he glanced in my direction a couple of times. Did he want to make sure I was listening?

Then, the real kicker. As all of the other groups left, he was cleaning his section. He went up and down the booths (in my seat, the booths were directly in front of me if I turned my body to the right, which I had by then), and rearranged stuff, wiped the tables down, and was sweeping the floor with a broom. He came right over in front of me with the broom, and I seized the opportunity. I said, in a flirty way, "So do you do windows?" He kept his back to me, and still swept, but said no, and then something else that I didn't really hear. When he finished saying it, he was turned around, facing me, and smiling. I smiled back, and his smile got bigger. So I looked away and let him get on with his work.

When we were leaving, he was coming towards the door from the back. I was the first one out, so I said, "See ya!" and smiled at him. He smiled back, saluted me, and said good night. I thought that was very cute.

These are all good signs to me. So if you understand my crazy story and would like to give me some advice, what should I do next? I'd like to continue flirting with him, but I'd like to see him outside of his job. I know I should get away from my friends (who are my safety net) when I want to talk to him. Should I be bold and write my phone number on a napkin? Should I wait until he asks? I feel like I don't know him well enough to know which he would prefer. I don't want to scare him off, but I don't want to sit around waiting for a guy to make a move if he's waiting for me to do the same. He's very friendly, so I have a feeling if I'm away from my friends, he may ask for my number. What do you think?

[doll69]

Getting away from your friends is a good idea. It seems like you have a good thing going already, keep flirting. Is he the shy type to you or not? If so, and you want to progress then write down your no. if not, then wait for him to ask, but make it obvious you're interested.

That's what I would do anyway.

[k73]

Since you were not available when he was flirting with you maybe he thought you weren't interested. You need to do some serious flirting to let him know you're available...even leave your digits for him. Make it known you're interested and available. If the situation's right for him he will take action.

[clynn]

Well, definitely find yourself in a place closer to him and try talking with him a bit. You could always ask, do you want my number...or something. No harm in trying that.

[Lloyd95]

So here's a "friendly waiter" (your words), who says "hi" to regulars, who is working in the section next to yours and just happens to be in your line of sight a few times, and answers your "good-bye" with a "good bye" of his own.

Man, what do you want, a written invitation? You own him. He's yours!

[beeper107]

Man, what do you want, a written invitation? You own him. He's yours!

That's hilarious. And just what I wanted to hear.

So I talked to my really good friend, the one I was sitting next to that night. She thinks I should just go ahead and ask him out. Now, don't freak out or anything, but I don't know 100% if he's got a girlfriend. I know, like 95%, that he's available. So my idea is to ask another one of the waitresses there (who is friends with another one of my friends) if he's got a girlfriend. I know for sure this girl is not subtle. If I do that, she will go to him automatically and say, "That girl just asked if you had a girlfriend. She thinks you're cute," or something like that. That will give him the green light if he wants to proceed, but he's not obligated to do anything. Just appreciate the fact that someone thinks he's cute.

Is this too juvenile? Should I go back to sixth grade? Or should I be a grown up and just ask him out already?

I spaz about things way too much, in case you can't tell.

[DutchBoY]

dont **** around, go for it

[clynn]

Hey, I think it is a fine idea. You'll find out his status and give him the heads up.

Just proceed with some sort of action sooner or later or the anticipation will kill you!

[doll69]

Let us know what happens!!

[beeper107]

Okay, I'm confused now. I have a feeling I'm mostly to blame for this problem, but I need you guys to tell me the truth.

My friends and I went back to the bar twice this week. He was working both nights, but in the bar section, and we sat in the dining room. So Tuesday night, we're sitting there, and I keep seeing him walk back and forth in his section. I got up to go to the bathroom, and walked right by him, without making eye contact or smiling or anything. I can't help it. I'm so scared of him, I don't even know why. I think it's just cause I don't have my friends around to protect me.

So that was Tuesday. Last night, (Saturday, a busy basketball night, keep in mind), we're sitting in pretty much the same spot we were on Tuesday. He must've seen us come in, and he came over when our food arrived. He said he was planning to come and sit with us, but didn't want to while we were eating. We told him it was no big deal, but he said no. So I said, you could come back later, and he said he would. He never looked at me the entire time he was talking to us. I was sitting on the other side of the table from where he was standing, too. That didn't bother me until later.

So we sat there until about 12:30, wondering when he was going to come back over. Our food seriously came at 9:15; we were done by ten. My married friend, who I was sitting next to, even got up to go to the bathroom, and sat on the other side of the table, with my other friend, so that I was sitting by myself. Therefore, when he came back over to sit with us, he'd have to sit with me. That was smart.

Unfortunately, he never came back over! The bar cleared out at about 12:30, and he was sitting over at the bar a few times by himself, and we kept checking to see where he was. I think we creeped him out a little. My friends kept trying to get me to go over and ask him when he was coming over, but I was too chicken. They wouldn't do it,either, which was kind of disappointing. We even made several jukebox stops and nothing.

So now I'm confused. Does he think I'm a snob? Why can't I just smile at him? I think I'm having verbal diarrhea. I can't stop obsessing about this. Does anybody have any advice for how to get over shyness? I know I should just do it, but if he's sending me these signals that he doesn't even acknowledge me, I don't want to set myself up for failure. I'm really confused.

[RogerWilco]

Okay, I'm confused now. I have a feeling I'm mostly to blame for this problem, but I need you guys to tell me the truth.

My friends and I went back to the bar twice this week. He was working both nights, but in the bar section, and we sat in the dining room. So Tuesday night, we're sitting there, and I keep seeing him walk back and forth in his section. I got up to go to the bathroom, and walked right by him, without making eye contact or smiling or anything. I can't help it. I'm so scared of him, I don't even know why. I think it's just cause I don't have my friends around to protect me.

So that was Tuesday. Last night, (Saturday, a busy basketball night, keep in mind), we're sitting in pretty much the same spot we were on Tuesday. He must've seen us come in, and he came over when our food arrived. He said he was planning to come and sit with us, but didn't want to while we were eating. We told him it was no big deal, but he said no. So I said, you could come back later, and he said he would. He never looked at me the entire time he was talking to us. I was sitting on the other side of the table from where he was standing, too. That didn't bother me until later.

So we sat there until about 12:30, wondering when he was going to come back over. Our food seriously came at 9:15; we were done by ten. My married friend, who I was sitting next to, even got up to go to the bathroom, and sat on the other side of the table, with my other friend, so that I was sitting by myself. Therefore, when he came back over to sit with us, he'd have to sit with me. That was smart.

Unfortunately, he never came back over! The bar cleared out at about 12:30, and he was sitting over at the bar a few times by himself, and we kept checking to see where he was. I think we creeped him out a little. My friends kept trying to get me to go over and ask him when he was coming over, but I was too chicken. They wouldn't do it,either, which was kind of disappointing. We even made several jukebox stops and nothing.

So now I'm confused. Does he think I'm a snob? Why can't I just smile at him? I think I'm having verbal diarrhea. I can't stop obsessing about this. Does anybody have any advice for how to get over shyness? I know I should just do it, but if he's sending me these signals that he doesn't even acknowledge me, I don't want to set myself up for failure. I'm really confused.

I know you've said you're very "shy" about this, but you seriously just need to go ahead and let him know you're interested. None of these little games. I don't mean to come off like a harsh ******* or anything, but you seriously need to stop the middle school games shit. As a guy, I'd be damn impressed with a girl who would come up to me and let me know she was interested, or whatever. Even if it was a girl I had no interest in (hopefully that's not the case with this guy).

Plus, it's not like you two are best friends or anything where it'll be really awkward if it turns out he doesn't feel the same way. You and your friends could just go to another bar, or even just chill at the same bar whenever you want, since it sounds like he's not necessarily interacting with you and your group of friends on a consistent basis.

Seriously, I wish nothing but the best for you in this situation, but until you actually make a move, there IS no real situation. Don't think that just because you're a girl you can't make the first move.

[beeper107]

Okay, the drama continues....

Last week, my good friend and I went there Thursday night without our married friend. We waited for a table for almost an hour due to the NCAA ball games, and we stood practically by him for that length of time, and nothing. He seems to be ignoring us, at least to me. I keep telling myself that he's working, he's busy, but he's always made time in the past to say hi! He even brushed past me and all I got was an "excuse me." I know these are middle school games, and I'm tired of them. It's mostly my fault, too, for being such a pathetic wimp.

But the upside is, I asked another waitress there if he had a girlfriend, and he does not. So...positive for me.

I guess the reason I'm posting is because I'd like to know something. Is it possible to miss a chance with someone? You know, you're friendly with someone, and you're trying to figure out if they're interested or not before you make any move. But if you wait too long, is that chance out of the question? Or, in the age of "He's just not into you," if he is into you, is the chance always there?

This ignoring stuff would be good fodder for flirty conversation, I know. I just need to get up the nerve to say something! Opinions would be appreciated!