Me 20, her 28. What would you do?

[Banich86]

Yes, I know how this sounds, and trust me it's not that bad. A little background info on myself-- I have always been very mature for my age and have never been able to completely identify with a girl around my age. The relationships I've had have always been relatively short because I always find the girl to be too immature for me, even though I already knew that to be true at the start. I'm not interested in screwing around or playing games, I'm looking for a real solid relationship that actually means something.

Anyhow, I'm a college student and also hold down a full time job. I've been going to school where I'm at for 2 yrs now, and never settled into the whole "college scene." I don't really do parties, even though I do hit the clubs every now and then. I'm not extremely spontaneous and my primary thoughts are my finances and career path. At the beginning of this semester, I walked into one of my classes expecting the usual-- boring professors, immature kids slacking off, a few decent people that I can see eye-to-eye with. However, since that first day I've been sitting by this same enchanting woman week after week.

She seemed mature, very quiet, and very beautiful. Her skin is fair and her eyes are ice blue. She always makes a very slight smile, but full of meaning, ever time something humorous happens. I hold myself in a professional manner and my demeanor is very much like hers, and I've noticed her glimpsing at me as I'm sure she's noticed me. We exchanged smiles more and more frequently, and started collaborating on assignments. This has lead to more and more casual conversation, about goals and aspirations, interests, our pasts.

Today when she told me she was born in 1977 I got this sinking feeling in my chest. So THAT is why she seems so much more mature-- she's 8 years older than me! What is she doing in this course? Why did she never mention it previously? Her looks don't give away her age in the slightest. There is very strong chemistry here, and for some reason I feel even more attracted to her now than I did before. I know that if I'm going to make my move and take this to the next level it needs to be soon, because if we continue on the same course we will end up being the good friends that are attracted to each other but need each other as friends too much to take it further.

Guys, what I'm asking is, what would you do in this situation? Ladies, what could she possibly be thinking? She knows I'm younger and apparently has from the start. On one hand I can't see myself telling my family and my friends I'm with someone 8 years older than me but on the other hand it is very exhilirating to imagine it.

[Nice Lover Boy]

Well, nothing much has happen. I mean, all you guys have been doing was communicating at a "student activity level". Nothing more. If you plan on going to the next step, then ask some next step questions. Get personal and ask personal question; "Hey, so how was your weekend? Did you study or hang out with friends"? Then you can find out if she is taken? Ask her to study with you or exchange emails in case you miss a class. If she agrees on that, then she is interested in you. But don't get to high hope aboout it. It's possible that she might feel out of place in that class and smiles to be polite. But don't get too excited about her yet. Get personal and talk personal. Good luck and let me know how things turn out! I had accoomplishments with older women too, so I'm glad I saw this thread.

[Banich86]

Oh, maybe I wasn't very clear at all on that.

I asked for her information to collaborate on assignments with her, but promptly started talking personal with her and she didn't mind at all. We've been communicating on a very personal basis for the past couple weeks. We have the same interests, same taste in music, finish each others' sentences, it's kind of freaky actually. We just haven't taken it past talking yet, and we haven't talked about a relationship or dating or anything in that realm, even though we've complimented each other on tastes and looks.

Oh, and she is single and has made it very obvious-- we had a conversation about what we think about dating and marriage and she brought up that she is single and definitely looking to settle down by the time she's 30 and is sick of dating and wants a steady relationship with someone who-- her words "shares my interests and supports my goals."

[Cybog]

She seemed mature, very quiet, and very beautiful. Her skin is fair and her eyes are ice blue. She always makes a very slight smile, but full of meaning, ever time something humorous happens. I hold myself in a professional manner and my demeanor is very much like hers, and I've noticed her glimpsing at me as I'm sure she's noticed me.

Here's what I read - "Blah blah blah"

All you have told us is that you are obsessing over some broad you don't even know from your class. Does she even know your name? Do you even know hers? That is, from her telling you, not from you stalking over her every move like a sociopath?

Here's an idea - Ask her out. Who gives a rat's ass what anyone on here tells you? Not a single one of us can tell you what she is thinking, especially with the narrow minded descriptions of the limited amount of pre-conceived and imagined exchanges that the two of you have (not really) had up to this point.

What is truly annoying about this, is that you are already pining over this mythical beast who can apparently "do no wrong" in your mind. She's a friggin broad who you hardly know. Don't start obsessing over her before you know her middle name as if her shit don't stink.

You are worried about what your friends and family would think…..? It's no wonder you don't have the balls to ask her out - you are too busy occupying yourself with these fantastical ideas of you and her married with 2.5 kids and a mortgage.


P.S. Kids who boast about how "mature they are for their age" immediately lose all credibility when they start posting on web forums about how to approach women. Adults aren't scared of other adults.

[Nice Lover Boy]

P.S. Kids who boast about how "mature they are for their age" immediately lose all credibility when they start posting on web forums about how to approach women. Adults aren't scared of other adults.

That's a true point, sorry kid. Anyways, like I said, get personal. If you want to date her, get personal and ask her. If you keep holding back, don't think she will be waiting for you or don't think she will ask you out. Don't whait for that because you sill loose the mature figure you said you were. Give us good news, ok?

[Pears]

If there is good chemistry between you and her, then there should be no problem getting together. I know a couple with a large age gap, 16 and 24! They both look and act like they are the same age. You're probably worried about what others might think. The important thing is how you feel about her. If you like her and she likes you, go for it.

[Confused2005]

OK, not read all your post.

Just going on what the title says.

But the best relationship I have ever had was with a woman 8 years older than me...a sign perhaps as its the same age gap as yours!

The reason it never worked out was because of distance and nothing to do with how we got on.

We are still the very very best of friends even though she has a new boyfriend...who is 13 years older than me! lol.

Dont worry about the age gap and enjoy your time together....if it was not for the distance....I would be with the woman of my dreams right now.

[bluesummer]

I know a couple with a large age gap, 16 and 24! .

That is illegal in a lot of places.

Also, it's just very very wrong. That's an adult dating a child. Wrong wrong wrong. Just thought I'd mention that.

[Pears]

That is illegal in a lot of places.

Also, it's just very very wrong. That's an adult dating a child. Wrong wrong wrong. Just thought I'd mention that.

Yeah it is. It's strange how they get along so well. Maybe there are other things I'm not seeing.

Here's a more shocking bit: they started dating when they were 13 and 21. They've been together for almost 4 years.

[TheOneAndOnlyX]

I read blah blah blah as well...from the topic though I can tell you one thing. Shakespeare said never to go with a woman older than yourself but someone younger Hope that helps lol

[shh!]

Yeah it is. It's strange how they get along so well. Maybe there are other things I'm not seeing.

Here's a more shocking bit: they started dating when they were 13 and 21. They've been together for almost 4 years.

There is definitely something wrong with a 24 year old dating a 16 year old, and if some guy ever tries that with my daughter when she is 16, I'll have his ass thrown in jail regardless of how "mature" she imagines she is or how much she claims to "love" him.

Banich - unless she is immature for her age, she is very unlikely to hold you in the same esteem as you hold her. You can't even legally buy a drink yet. I wouldn't pin my hopes on this one...

[misombra]

she's too old for you. find someone your own age.

[Pears]

There is definitely something wrong with a 24 year old dating a 16 year old, and if some guy ever tries that with my daughter when she is 16, I'll have his ass thrown in jail regardless of how "mature" she imagines she is or how much she claims to "love" him.

Yeah, it definately is strange. I really didn't think they would stay together for so long. When her parents knew about it, they punished her, but she wouldn't listen to anything and kept seeing the guy anyways. The guy kept going to see her all the time. After about a year, her parents realized they couldn't do anything to make her stop seeing him so they got to know him. Now they know him and have some kind of trust, so they let her see him.

Personally, I wouldn't date anyone with such a huge age gap. Also, like you, if I had a daughter who was 16, I wouldn't let her date a 24 year old too. Sixteen is very young.

I guess everyone has their own ways of doing things that make them happy.

[lovesjoyajm]

Actually, I just ended up in a situation like yours, Banich - last night I met a guy and the two of us talked for three hours, in the middle of which he asked if I could guess how old he was. (He knew I was 20 because he asked why I wasn't drinking wine and I said "ich bin nur zwanzig" - I'm only 20.) He had mentioned something about "When I was about 26..." so I brought that up and guessed that he was 28. Turns out he's 29. It seemed like he liked me but I can't really imagine a relationship like that working out... especially when he lives overseas. (Then again, I'll be overseas next year.)

Do you think that there's any difference when the girl is the younger one?

[Banich86]

Thanks for the tips guys. That 2nd one kinda knocked me on my ass but it made sense-- why should adults be afraid of adults? I guess I was just scared of what friends would say, until I realized that most of the guys would think it was great.

Anyhow, ended up spending a few hours with her today before and after class, just talking and stuff. Age came up and I asked her to guess how old I am. She guessed 25 or 26, but simply grinned when I told her I'm 20. I jokingly asked her if there was a problem with my age and she basically said no, I act much older than I really am.

Turns out she's not a big drinker and doesn't really drink in public it all. That should ease the age issue some. We have more in common than I thought, and she recommended a great restaurant to me and I told her "great, I'll take you there, what do you say?" She was quick to say "of course" so we're on for dinner and a movie this Friday. She's also a photographer so we're going to head out to some scenic areas to take some night shots of my car since I've been wanting to get some good ones.

I can actually quote her as saying "age is just a number, I care more about attitude and personality" so it looks like things are going good for me.