Friends and stuff...

[Mike]

Hey,

just wanted some advice on friends really. Having many problems with them lately. I'm also thinking maybe a 'friendship' forum could be added to this site.

Problem #1.

The group of people I used to share events with has now broken down, at least I think. I feel unwanted as it seems every time I have to miss a party or something, it becomes the "best night ever", as I'm told at school the next weekday. In addition, lots of little gestures are telling me one of my favourite friends just doesn't like me (such as not waiting for me after lessons unless I'm the only person he knows), and if asked "who would you like to talk to if you were bored", he certainly wouldn't include me. A girl in the group also asked my friend whether he wanted a copy of the CD from the gig they'd been to while I was away, and didn't say anything to me despite knowing I was into that kind of music.

Problem #2.

...and possibly the cause of my first problem. I've started spending most of my time out with one boy (I am not gay, just as a sidenote). The thing I fear is that people view me and him as our own group or something, or that I'm acting like his mum or something. I can't really explain it. But their perception of us is shown in that no-one ever contacts this friend, they always expect me to tell him what's going on - such as if everyone is going out. Another instance is when we came home from a party, and my friend was a bit drunk, but no-one else seemed to care because they thought I was the one who was going to look after him. I tried to escape this predicament the next time by immediately saying I was going and walking off to get my own transport. But sure enough my friend came running after me about 2 minutes later to tell me no-one else had offered him transport. However his advantages are that he often has the same aims as me such as going out to make friends and stuff. Another problem is however that he seems very lazy/shy/unconfident himself. Maybe he's dependent on me or something. I don't know but this is a major problem for me. I don't know what to do!

Problem #3.

There is one person that I have a fair bit of history with in our group also. He and I have often argued although ending up in similar situations. Before I became his friend he bullied me a few times, and I can still see that personality showing through today, except I think his long-term girlfriend has taught him to hide it.

Now I don't get along with this person on my half because of his targeted competition at me. It's disturbing that in GCSE he did the same subjects as me, that he also learnt guitar once I learnt guitar, that he decided to learn saxophone knowing that I'd learnt saxophone, and decided to make a website knowing that I was a bit of a website-making geek. My parents have told me he's jealous but parents are bound to tell you that.

What gets really on my wick is that he's competitive, show-offy, very insecure at times, and worst of all, very very very scared to admit it. He's the kind of person who will put down every type of music except his own aloud, and when you fall out with him, he will tell malicious things about you to people who he'd usually bully in a "I'm only joking when you're not joking" kind of way. I simply cannot believe this is paranoia - as he is surprisingly fairly intelligent.

On his half, I'm not entirely sure what it is but he definitely has a problem with me in particular. Often he's been one to take the micky out of me for being a 'slow' person, but I'm pretty convinced I'm a 'slow but not stupid' person. When we've been in arguments it seems to be completely irrelevent what arguements he makes against me. For example, "you always take everything so literally Michael", which was part of the whole slowness thing, which I admit I do do a fair bit but I don't see that's cause to dislike someone. Another time lately it's been that we ended up having a very short tiff about something very trivial, and I decided to say "oh it doesn't matter", and he went and told my friend that I was 'scared to admit I was wrong' and that we'd had a 'big argument' or something. I asked a close friend lately what he'd said ever about what he believes is wrong with me, and he'd apparently said I act as if I'm better than everyone else, which he's said numerous times before in arguments.

The thing that scares me though is that in the end, no-one seems to have a problem with him except me! In fact they actually like him, because probably, he treats them like angels in comparison. I dislike him a lot, but avoid conflict by just avoiding sensitive topics and trying to be friendly. I probably make my mistake here: I sometimes tell people what I dislike about him. And the thing that gets me is that no-one else agrees. No-one sees it. I simply cannot believe this is paranoia. This is probably a major reason why I lose friends. Do you agree?




Agghhh, that's all for tonight - too stressful. Hope I haven't written too much waffling.

Please let me know your suggestions! This is really cutting me up lately.

[daisy]

May be your problem is you yourself! Just think about your relationship with friends. Do you pay enough attention to your friends, are you not importunate, etc. ?

[Tone]

I don't really know what to tell you..

But if it makes you feel any better I'm also having "friendship" issues. The 'friends' I do have left are HS friends.. and none of them want to hang out with each other anymore..like LV said in a thread it's usually just me + one other person.. anytime Itry to get more together they always make up excuses.. it's ridiculous, we use to all get together every weekend and even during the week.. now no one wants to hang out. And not just that but Ijust feel like I've outgrown some of them... one of my friends all he wants to do is get high and get drunk.. andit just gets so old.

It sucks when your best friends end up getting married/having kids and pretty much cut you out of their life, but that's happened now with a couple of my really good friends.

I'm hoping to make some new friends at school, maybe you can do the same?

[Lloyd95]

Tone, it happens when you get older; friends hang out with friends with similar interests, ie single friends, married friends, friends with kids. Its hard for me to hang with my single friends albeit, only a few are left. such is life.

You'll get tight once you all have families etc...

[Tone]

Thanks Lloyd.

Wantto be my friend?

[Lloyd95]

Wantto fix your spacebar?

[Tone]

K, e-mailing the tech guy now.