saying "I love you"

[glitterbeachie]

I am a 21 year old female in an alltogether "normal" relationship with my boyfriend except for the fact that we have never said "I love you" to each other. We have been dating for a year and a half and are very intimate and fairly serious, so, my question is...is this normal to never have said "I love you?" Is there anyone else that has been in a serious relationship for an extended period of time that just does not say these words, or have never said the words (yet?)?
It's just that from what I have observed from friends' relationships, the "I love you's" are so ubiquitous that I feel strange that we have never said it. Has anyone else experienced this reluctance to say these words? Or are we just freaks?
Just wondering about this, because you all know it makes everything all better to have someone say, "No, you're normal, we're just like that too!"

[Lynx3]

I think "I love you" helps the relationship! It depends on the relationship of course...Is it romantic or fun or what kind is it? But nevertheless, " I love you " Doesn't hurt. I used to say it to my girlfriend just randomly out of the blue, and always when she left, like off the phone, or she was going home or whatever.

[Power Diva]

Actions speak louder than words, IMO. The fact that you have a good relationship that you are comfortable and happy with is fantastic on it's own. However if you want to say it then you should.

[clynn]

Say it. You should definitely say it if you feel it and it has been this long.

[King Zarathu]

A++ for saying it

[*LiL MiSs SaRa*]

only say it if you feel. the worst mistake someone can make is saying it because they feel they have too eg due to the length of relationship intimacy level etc. trust me on that one

[Neveryoumind]

I find it fairly hard to say but I still say it here and there. I think saying it all the time loses it's meaning.

As far as your relationship goes, maybe he was waiting for you to say it first, and then time went past and he is now thinking it is too late to say it for the first time?

[glitterbeachie]

Thanks all of you and specifically neveryoumind; that situation is, in fact, what I have always imagined what happened with this "I love you" scenario in our relationship. I feel like on one hand, saying it too early would have been entirely premature since I honestly feel I don't entirely know or understand love in all of its confusing nuances anyhow, and saying it too early would have felt too contrived; and now, months and months later, we are so comfortable in our relationship that I believe we appreciate (love?) each other in a more settled, understated, dare I say comfortable way? And another issue I have with the I love you is I personally cringe at the couples I see that grossly overuse the words; or, the eleven-year-olds that use it in their middle-school relationships, therefore taking away the meaning of the words, you get the picture.
I don't have a problem with people that say it right off if this is truly their one-of-a-kind soulmate in a Plato's Symposium kind of way, but I take issue with the people that are literally a week/month in and feel the need to sprinkle the "I love you's" in as much as the word "and." I feel like love is so complicated and nuanced that it really grows from LOTS of time and with a certain degree of comfort and growth of understanding of that person. Also I know if I said it my boyfriend would not reciprocate, not because he doesn't "love me" from what I have observed and felt, but because he is not one with outward gushes of emotions and adheres to the "you should know how I feel about you, I am with you" policy.

Another variable in our relationship is that my boyfriend is from a different country...he grew up in Fiji and while I've never been there, I've always had the sneaking suspician that his culture/upbringing definately has something to do with his obvious lack of the gushy, over-sensitive emotions that American men seem to be displaying in movies I have noticed more and more.
Or, of course, I may have just gotten a wierd one, lol.

Basically, my POINT in all of this is that I feel I have not said it because I myself TRULY don't understand all the confusions of love, and cannot begin to understand it. And, even though my boyfriend and I are sexual, I somehow think (admittedly hypocritically, I know) that perhaps there is only one person we should "truly" love and save those words for that one person. Wierd?

Sorry so verbose...

[Converse]

only say it if you feel. the worst mistake someone can make is saying it because they feel they have too eg due to the length of relationship intimacy level etc. trust me on that one

Exactly. Ex -boyfriends have told me they've loved me which was so nice at the time, but when we broke up they say"I thought I loved you" yeah THOUGHT. To be honest though I'm not sure if I've ever truly loved any of my ex's because if I did I guess I'd have feelings for them now, which I don't. So basically only say it if you mean it.

Don't worry!

[misombra]

...saying i loooooooooove you is not the words i want to hear from you
not that i want you not to say but if you only knewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
how easyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy it would be to show me how you feeeeeeeeeeel
more than woooooooooooooooooooooords is all you have to do to make it real
then you wouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuldn't have to say that you looooooved me
cauuuuuuuuuuuuse i'''''''''''''''d al-reeeeeeeeeeeeady knowwwwwwwww...

[xwfuro]

well i have always been a firm believer in not saying 'i love you' unless i honestly mean it. i did not say it to my ex until 1 year, and it took her almost two years to say it to me. if you are going to say it to improve your relationship it could come back and bite you in the ass, i would recommend saying it when you know you feel it. if you know your in love its great to say,

[Only-virgins]

Don't make him or ask him to say it, you might not like the truth.

[Neveryoumind]

I think, a kiss on the cheek and a smile says I love you more than the words do

[blackiesharley]

I find it fairly hard to say but I still say it here and there. I think saying it all the time loses it's meaning.

As far as your relationship goes, maybe he was waiting for you to say it first, and then time went past and he is now thinking it is too late to say it for the first time?

I'm that way too. I can't get the words out of my mouth for fear. I always think of that Frank Sinatra song with the lyrics '...and then I go and blow it all by saying something stupid like I love you.'

And yes, saying it too often dilutes the meaning. It must be said at some point in a relationship of course, but I don't want to be the first.

On this subject what's this mean? After a wonderful long conversation last week with this girl I'm crazy about, she goes 'Nite-nite, I'm sending love energy your way.' I said 'me too.'

Does that mean what I think it does? Is that another way of saying I'm starting to love you?'

Opinions please.

[glitterbeachie]

In a word...yes. Anything with the word love in it before "I love you" is testing the waters and an attempt to slowly phase in the I love you...in my experience. Since I do it all the time