Dumper that got dumped!!!

[coldheart]

First of all I would like to thank the administration of this community for establishing such a great place where all of us heart-broken can come grieve, grow, and become strong together. My breakup situation is a funny one given that I have seen it all (repeating breakups, permanent breakups, and temporary breakups), but not something as in my case, and I need some help deciphering what's going on. I am 26 and my ex girlfriend is 22. It is my 3rd serious relationship and her 1st real one. On to my story...

Well it's hard not to make this long but I will be as direct to the point as I can. When me and my ex met we were friends for the first 3 months, as I was trying to not rush things... I was still rebounding out of my last heartbreak. Then I made things official on the 4th month. We were soulmates, and she was my hero... the perfect girl. Things were purely magical for the first year with minimal arguing. She liked everything I liked, and vice versa. Practically made for each other type of deal.

From the 13 month onward, a gradual change started to take place in which she started to grow out of all the arguments and fighting. I admit to the fact that I was arrogant, proud, and always blamed her for most of the problems. Took the relationship and her love for granted to say the least. About a week ago we had an "I give up and we've done everything possible with no result" type of conversation (although I did take the lead and start this conversation, she went along with it while crying and weeping as she agreed to the things said) that led to a mutual breakup. I now find myself thinking only of the good times and miss her incredibly. I am trying to stay away from the "neediness" concept but to put it in simple terms, she is the love of my life, period.

We broke up on a Saturday, and only the Monday after she had already taken up a stance of "not wanting to see each other because it's useless at this point", so I wrote her a 4-page, gut-spilling, pride-dumping, realization letter on that same Monday. No further related contact has been intended by either part (Only a few e-mails regarding some circumstances such as "your stuff is ready for pickup at my house" or... "I am sending someone to your house to pick up x thing, please confirm someone will be there"). It has now been 7 days since the original NC and 3 days since the "technical" NC. Can anyone decipher my situation and let me know what's going on/how to deal with it? I've read most breakup tutorials and many of them apply to "the dumped". However I must emphazise that this was a mutual breakup although I am the one that initiated the conversation that led to it and wronged my ex with improper treatment or attention during the relationship. Thanks for your support!

-CH

[xwfuro]

well firstly every breakup where you cared for the person reguardless of if your the the dumped or the dumper is going to suck. It is only natural for you to remember only the good times, thats happens to everyone because once you lose the person the good times always outweigh the bad.

I was in a somewhat similar situation and if you think you two have done everyhting possible to try and make things work etc then your doing the right thing by ending it, sometimes its not meant to be. ALTHOUGH it seems you are admitting to being arrogant etc and taking her for granted which can happen as i did the same thing.

Have you tried to change yourself?

if you know its not going to change for the better your doing the right thing now is the time for you to start anew, its gonna be hard but be free to post here and try to minimize your alone time because thats when youll feel most depressed.

[clynn]

Did you send her the letter you wrote?

Did she respond to it?

You're going to have to do some major ass kissing.

[gingersnaps]

I think she knows what you know (that you've taken her for granted and she deserves better than that), and when she was agreeing with you about breaking up, she really was agreeing... you might have just been in a "mood" but she was "realizing" the truth of your words even though maybe you were not... in the future, you must be more careful with what you say, because even though they haven't said anything about breaking up, while you have, it doesn't mean that they are not capable of turning away, in fact they may have an easier time than you turning away forever.

She hasn't replied to the letter yet, and if you're sure she got it, that probably says that she is not willing to give you a second chance. If that's the case there is nothing you can do. I know that burns badly because I too f---ed up, and lost a wonderful person who is not willing to give me a second chance.

On the other hand, it's possible she could contact you up to a month after the original breakup with a change of heart. If she does this I would suggest conveying to her in the clearest of terms just how much you regret what you did (and be specific about what you did and why you regret it.) This would then allow her to forgive you, and then of course you better be on your very best guard not to repeat your same mistakes. (It is very hard not to do what has already become a habit, but hey, you're not going to get a third chance so, if you get a second one, try your very best!)