Party last night....problem

[airborn86]

Hi all,

I am not sure if you remember me, but like 1 month ago I posted a thread about this girl who I really liked and we were like best friends, but she had a boyfriend who lives in CANADA! I also mentioned that we went to a disco and she was all over me trying to make out with me and stuff (of course she was drunk).

Well yesterday there was a private party at her cousins house, who is by the way a good friend of min, and she obviously was there. Since she doesn't live in my town, she didn't know anyone at the party so I started hanging out with her for the rest of the night. We went to the porch and countinued on drinking and smoking a water pipe. Then she started doing excatly what she did 1 month ago, starting to touch me and try to find my lips to kiss. Yet again I tried to avoid her regarding she already had a boyfriend. We were still hugging eachother though and talking about the upcomming senior prom which she obviosuly said she wants to go with me.

Later on that night the alcohol started kicking in to her and I start taking care of her. She then takes me into a room where we sit down on the bed and just look at eachother. Then I just couldn't take it anymore and we started making out. After about 30 seconds I pulled back and did what my heart was against. I told her straight out something like this: "Listen, I really like you and you mean a lot to me. I also had a feeling all along that you feel the same way for me, but be logical, you have a boyfriend and you have the duty to be loyal to him, so I really don't know what you want to do, it's really up to you." She then didn't answer and got up and left the room. Im not sure if I hurt her because she kind of got rejected. I later found out that she was feeling bad and was puking all over the backyard. Two of her girlfriends who were with her that night starting assisting her. I then started feeling so bad for her and tried to help her in any way but then her friends told me that I should better leave the room and let them take care of her because the last thing she would want is for me to see her like that. So I left and started hanging out with my usual friend as if nothing happend. Every 15 minutes or so I sneeked in to the room to see how she was doing but there was no sign of her waking up. After about 2 hours she started moving in the bed and I sat next to her to confort her. She then had a big smile on her face and pulled me into the bed with her and asked me to stay with her that night. I couldn't say no since she sounded as she really needed me and no one else was paying any attention to her. So I stayed and she was all over me again and we endend up sleeping together.

This morning I woke up before her and I brought her a glass of water and told her I would have to leave soon. She then got up and we had breakfast along with her cousin. She then turned back into just being a good friend, almost as if yesterday never happend. Later she started saying that she and her boyfriend would go to Spain in summer to take a spanish course and that she really was looking forward to that. This obviously got me really confused and I then told her I was leaving.

On my way back to my house I was constantly thinking about what happend and what I should do. I know she likes me, not only because she was all over me but I also got it confirmed by her friends. So here I am, not knowing what to do. My heart wants me to take here but my mind is telling me to stay back since she isn't being loyal to her boyfriend which means she probably won't be loyal to me in the future.

Im really confused and I don't know what to do. I would appreciate any help conserning this matter.

[pinkpuca84]

follow ur mind. it already tells u everything u know what to do.

[airborn86]

By the way.....here is some information about me:

Sex: Male
Age: 19
ocupation: High school student (senior)
Location: Suburbs of Stockholm, Sweden

[confused01]

ok, in this case i don't get her, but follow your mind not your heart if you do not wish to get hurt.

[HeyYouGuy]

I got into what you were reading, i got to end and realised it was not a book lol. Anyways I would probly tell her how I feel about her and then tell her if it was just play or does she want me. Remind her she has a boyfriend and that it is not healthy to be playing with one guys mind while with another. Ask her if she is aiming to be more the just friends or if she is just haveing fun. You seem like a nice enuff guy, dont let her have control over it all. Make her say what she wants and if she has any thoughts on leaving her boyfriend. It does not sound like she does yet she wants to toy with you. Sit down and have a long chat, that's your best bet.

[xwfuro]

well your playing it smart man, shes got a boyfriend you dont need to be in the middle of it because that will just start unecissary drama. i am in the same spot kinda i like my best friend a lot she is awesome but she too has a boyfreind. just leave her be i recommend.

[Gigabitch]

Dude, you guys made out after she puked and passed out for two hours? That is so nasty!

Anyway, this is the girl who has the bf in Canada, right? What's the deal with that? He's got a phone, doesn't he? She should call him up and end it with him immediately. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.

She should have some respect for you, too. Are you a walking dildo? Do you not have feelings?

Maybe you should give her a token of your affection (like a ****ing toothbrush) and an ultimatum.

[airborn86]

Dude, you guys made out after she puked and passed out for two hours? That is so nasty!

Anyway, this is the girl who has the bf in Canada, right? What's the deal with that? He's got a phone, doesn't he? She should call him up and end it with him immediately. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.

She should have some respect for you, too. Are you a walking dildo? Do you not have feelings?

Maybe you should give her a token of your affection (like a ****ing toothbrush) and an ultimatum.

Hey gigabitch.....no shit its nasty......i would never make out with her after she puked. She DID brush her teeth....this was at her cousins house so it was kinda like her second home. Secondly I gave her gum just to make things better. That is nasty I agree, if anything I would hate it more than you

[airborn86]

Anyways.....I just talked to her and this was the result:

I told her that as long as she has a boyfriend there will be nothing between us. She then said that what we did was quite innocent from her point of view. I was schocked by this since I would never let my girlfriend do something like that. Then she said that she talked to her boyfriend and he said that he didn't have a problem with it really. I personally think that is really weird but I must admit that I really don't give a damn about how they manage their relationship. This also gave me the idea that he is also being unloyal since he didn't take it that bad. It probably was a relief for him since he now knows that its not only him who is unloyal.

We then talked about what we should do regarding the future and I said that I had feelings for her but we will never be able to reach any higher level. Then she was like....well I have feelings for you and then and now I have to feel that im loved so we can just keep and hanging out as we used to and make out, etc ocassionaly. I didn't give her a clear answer since I wanted to consult u guys first. I mean, I know that I probably will never end up being together with her, but why not get a bit out of it? Yet again I also feel that it's moraly not the correct thing to do. I mean as long as we are not together and play it as if it were a game, who gets hurt? Keeping in mind that for some reason this sick couple don't have a problem with it. So what do you guys say?

[pinkpuca84]

no no no no....NO ! in the end, u'll be the one who gets hurt. come on man...is she th eonly girl that exists on this planet? heck no...get a proper one, will ya?

[RogerWilco]

We then talked about what we should do regarding the future and I said that I had feelings for her but we will never be able to reach any higher level. Then she was like....well I have feelings for you and then and now I have to feel that im loved so we can just keep and hanging out as we used to and make out, etc ocassionaly.

So what do you guys say?

**** no, man. Unless you decide you harbor no more romantic feelings (or any feelings of respect for her, or her boyfriend), and are just looking for a pair of lips/boobs to play with. Put yourself in the shoes of her boyfriend. Even if he says he's cool with his girlfriend making out with some other guy (who on Earth would be??? That's bizarre....), it doesn't say much for her at all. She sounds needy, desperate, and not worth your time.

[dreamer101]

Unless you decide you harbor no more romantic feelings (or any feelings of respect for her, or her boyfriend), and are just looking for a pair of lips/boobs to play with

No way man. You cannot choose to harbor romantic feelings or not. IF you pursue this it is highly likely that they will be harbored and you will be the one that will end up hurt.

You sound like a typical nice guy. What i have to say now will sound very bad to you, but I will say it because I have been through the same thing and .. well still going through it .. trying to recover. SHe is only using you for the comfort you have to offer. She has no romantic interest in you, neither does she seem to care about you the same way. So you ask "why not get a bit out of it?" Because you obviously care about her a lot more than she does. DO you think you just give this love to her for free?? (weather it be making out or helping her brush her teeth or taking her to the prom, whatever) NO you should not. because you love is worth a lot more and she does not deserve it. Give it to a girl that deserves it. And i would say give it to a girl that proves that she deserves it. You are a 'nice guy', and she is just using you while her bf is away. What happens when he comes back? where will that leave you emotionally? You say that you will play it as a game but i suspect that it won't be that way. Don't be a doormat my friend. Take it from someone who has.

My advice to you is break away. You have told her how you feel, and she has acknowledged it. Now let go of all contact with her. It will be difficult, I know. But she has to know that she can't have you because its convienent. NO, stop being a nice guy. If she wants you, misses you, needs you whatever then she has to respect how you feel about her. And that means if she does feel the same way about you (ie if she was lying) then she will clean up her act with her boyfriend and be honest with you. And if she doesn't feel the same way about you then she knows that you are NOT a toy that she can play with whenever she wants and call it 'innocent fun'. You almost slept with her! Dont let her use to like that. When you think "why not get something out of it", she is getting something out of it too, the reality is she will get it for free and you will pay a big price because you have put your heart in it. infact i suspect the reality is that you won't get anything out of it, because i don't think you even want her for sex. have respect for yourself man, she is much lower than you in comparison, not worthy of your love, care or even sex. you better beleive it. She can find some other nice guy to manipulate, and I hear they are reducing in numbers rapidly.

I apologise for this bitter and long post. But i hope you get the jist of what i am trying to say. Although I am not experienced in anything at all, this is too close to the reality in my life. And not being experienced at all, I would suggest you read articles, posts on the internet about similar nice guys. Just don't get burnt.

shites .. gonna miss my train ...

[airborn86]

No way man. You cannot choose to harbor romantic feelings or not. IF you pursue this it is highly likely that they will be harbored and you will be the one that will end up hurt.

You sound like a typical nice guy. What i have to say now will sound very bad to you, but I will say it because I have been through the same thing and .. well still going through it .. trying to recover. SHe is only using you for the comfort you have to offer. She has no romantic interest in you, neither does she seem to care about you the same way. So you ask "why not get a bit out of it?" Because you obviously care about her a lot more than she does. DO you think you just give this love to her for free?? (weather it be making out or helping her brush her teeth or taking her to the prom, whatever) NO you should not. because you love is worth a lot more and she does not deserve it. Give it to a girl that deserves it. And i would say give it to a girl that proves that she deserves it. You are a 'nice guy', and she is just using you while her bf is away. What happens when he comes back? where will that leave you emotionally? You say that you will play it as a game but i suspect that it won't be that way. Don't be a doormat my friend. Take it from someone who has.

My advice to you is break away. You have told her how you feel, and she has acknowledged it. Now let go of all contact with her. It will be difficult, I know. But she has to know that she can't have you because its convienent. NO, stop being a nice guy. If she wants you, misses you, needs you whatever then she has to respect how you feel about her. And that means if she does feel the same way about you (ie if she was lying) then she will clean up her act with her boyfriend and be honest with you. And if she doesn't feel the same way about you then she knows that you are NOT a toy that she can play with whenever she wants and call it 'innocent fun'. You almost slept with her! Dont let her use to like that. When you think "why not get something out of it", she is getting something out of it too, the reality is she will get it for free and you will pay a big price because you have put your heart in it. infact i suspect the reality is that you won't get anything out of it, because i don't think you even want her for sex. have respect for yourself man, she is much lower than you in comparison, not worthy of your love, care or even sex. you better beleive it. She can find some other nice guy to manipulate, and I hear they are reducing in numbers rapidly.

I apologise for this bitter and long post. But i hope you get the jist of what i am trying to say. Although I am not experienced in anything at all, this is too close to the reality in my life. And not being experienced at all, I would suggest you read articles, posts on the internet about similar nice guys. Just don't get burnt.

shites .. gonna miss my train ...

Hey man, thx so much for that post. That actually helped me and it was actually what I suspected all along, I just wanted to get it confirmed by someone else. Yea, there is no way she is going to get anything from me now. I called her yesterday and she wanted to meet with me on the 29th of april......I think. I will then tell her. "Hey listen, you said you had feelings for me and don't say this was all for fun, because in that case I am stepping away right now. You can't toy with my heart and jeeez if you really had loved that guy in Canada then you would never be unloyal to him. So its you choice, right here, right now, its either him or me." She will obviously reject me but so will I and I wont contact her again until (if) she contacts me. It's gonna be tough as hell but atleast the pain will go away eventually. I just hope I get the guts to tell her.....but do I have any other chocie? No.

Ok guys thx....comments on what I am about to do?

[dreamer101]

hey champ. glad i could help. but you need to understand that she is not rejecting you, YOU are rejecting her.

Hey listen, you said you had feelings for me and don't say this was all for fun, because in that case I am stepping away right now. You can't toy with my heart and jeeez if you really had loved that guy in Canada then you would never be unloyal to him. So its you choice, right here, right now, its either him or me."

I disagree with this. The facts are she has toyed with your heart and she is unloyal to her bf. So she does not get a choice. You get the choice. And you are making that choice, so all you need to say is why you are making it. And yes she will be hurt, but thats not your fault. Its her fault that she carried on despite knowing that you had feelings for her - all for fun! Sorry but I am angry because it happened to me, and I couldn't see it happenning until it left me burnt. In my opinion you should be angry too.

And seriously, do you really want someone like this whose classification of love and loyalty is so different to yours? To the extent that she throws it around for fun? I suspect not, so its better if she doesn't contact you. BUt if she does, the I gaurantee that she will act as if everythign is normal. Don't fall for this. Remember to stay professional and remind her of your stance and walk away/hang up. Be cold. She has disrespected you.

It's gonna be tough as hell but atleast the pain will go away eventually

No its not going to be tough as you think. Infact the opposite. because you are taking control, it will feel good. Realise that she is not worth your time, energy or love. She may be good looking, but are you only worth her good looks? In my opinion a girl has to prove that she is worth it and deserving of my love before i become a 'nice guy' from an 'ordinary guy'. so be an 'ordinary guy', the nice guy act never works - in my opinion. and if the stats are correct you will land more women being a 'bad boy' than an 'ordinary guy'. that choice too is yours - i chose the latter.

if only someone told me this 5 months ago ... but i am doing fine, and your still young and so your gonna do super

P.S. I feel I may have become too specific in my response, since I hardly even know the depth of your issue. Remember that whatever i have said is heavily biased on my experience, and I AM the village idiot if I may say so myself. So unless other readers agree/disagree with what i've said, take it with a pinch of salt.

[RogerWilco]

No way man. You cannot choose to harbor romantic feelings or not. IF you pursue this it is highly likely that they will be harbored and you will be the one that will end up hurt.

What I meant was that if he decides he's realized he doesn't truly have those feelings for her. My post was more meant to be caustic. I was basically saying that there is no real good reason at all to do it. I was trying to make an extreme example, and basically say that it wouldn't be prudent at all to make himself her backup pair of lips for when her boyfriend isn't around.