Is it weird for girls to make the first move?

[shygal]

Hi,

I'm 20 years old and am still too shy to approach or even make eye contact with guys. I know I have issues with self-esteem, but there is this guy I like who I barely know --we've never gone out or talked much, epecially recently because of my lack of eye contact. I know that maybe it's just an infatuation and it's silly because we do not know eachother, but I feel nervous (the nice kind of nervous) around him and I know that he used to be somewhat interested because he'd try to come next to me or talk to me but I'd always run away.

Now I realize that I've been pathetic and I'm worried I'll never see him again because he's going to graduate from university....would it be absolutely weird if I just brought him into a room and kissed him? Though we haven't said a word to each other for six months....any feedback would be great!

[TAVS]

I wouldn't just kiss him but I'd be flattered if a nice girl/woman asked me out. Go for it!!!

[shygal]

I wouldn't just kiss him but I'd be flattered if a nice girl/woman asked me out. Go for it!!!

Thanks for the reply!

I guess grabbing a guy I barely know and kissing him might scare him...
the thing is, I'm too shy, that's why I've never approached him or talked to him, or even been able to make eye contact. And since he'll probably be leaving soon, I thought the easiest way would be to kiss him....you see, I think I would be more nervous asking him out because that means I have to talk...to a guy I haven't talked to for a year. It would be so random...and embarassing. Thing is, I probably don't have the courage to kiss him anyways....

[Tone]

Surely you can muster up enough courage to simply say, "Hello"

[TAVS]

What have you got to lose? Embarass yourself and he leaves. So what?
Don't allow yourself to end up with regrets in life.

[vashti]

I don't think you should just grab him and kiss him. You will still have to talk to him AFTER you are done, and I would think THAT conversation would be even more awkward.

If you want to make a move, just ask him to take you out.

[xd3vilx]

if i am that guy i will get shock abit and chances that talkin after the kiss might be weird...what i often see and suggest is to talk to him, kiss and run...that all...3 simple steps...if he is interested, most likely he will take some time off to look for you if not, than he might just want to move away from you...trying him not to see you...

[Ellynn]

I think a girl should make a first move if shes into someone. Otherwise you will never know and always wonder what if...?

Before rushing towards him and kissing him, try a simple conversation to get things going..... Then casually suggest hanging out sometime and see what he says. If hes into you he will jump at the chance.....and if not then he will say no.

Like Tone said, sometimes a simple hello can start things up....and a smile. Lets him know your interested.....

[RogerWilco]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and postulate that the percentage of girls that get rejected by guys is INFINITELY smaller than the percentage of guys that get rejected by girls.



Just a thought.

[King Zarathu]

The percentage of guys that get raped by girls is INFINITELY smaller than the percentage of girls that get raped by guys. It's also smaller than the percentage of guys that get raped by guys.

[shygal]

Tone, I haven't said hello to him for nearly a year, I don't think I have the courage and face to say hi practically right before he graduates. Sadly, maybe bye would be more appropriate....


TAVS, half of me thinks like you; might as well go for it, it won't be the end of the world. But the other half of me is not only terrified/embarassed but it's also telling me 'he's going to think I'm a nutcase because why am I approaching him right before he leaves??' I KNOW, it's ridiculous. I shouldn't even be thinking about him because maybe he won't be around anymore inthree weeks or maybe he already likes another girl. But like Elynne says, what if I regret it?? Then again, how can a girl muster up the courage to go to a guy a) she barely knows b)who is going to leave in three weeks.

vashti and xd3vilx, I know the after kiss would be awkward, but at least I'll have done what I've wanted to and see his reaction!

Elynne, it's SO hard to start showing someone you're interested when you've practicaly ignored him for the entire year. He'll think I'm a psycho or he might even think 'wow, this girl REALLY liked me' because I hid it so well.

Roger Wilco,
I guess I'm not (too) scared of getting rejected but I'm scared of simplhy approaching him! I don't know what to say, and what if he doesn't get it or what if it doesn't turn out as planned....

Zarathu,
......

maybe I should get over it and forget him, because it's not realistic. But like I said, part of me feels that I should just kiss him, after all if he leaves I won't have to deal with the consequenes anyways, and that way I can really get over it. Which one???

[Ellynn]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I have been in your situation before....and that was back in high school. I liked one of the smartest/ most popular guys in school.....and was too chicken to start up anything with him while I had the chance. We did speak a few times during the 4 yrs but it was becuz we were in some of the same after school activities. It was just really hard to look him in the eye or say anything to him... or actually really get to know him....
Anyways...
So, I figured I would wait until graduation night to give him a note....to tell him what I thought about him etc. Mainly I chose then becuz I figured well..I would probably never see him again since he was going to college out of state. But well, I chickened out yet again....

So time went on.....and college started in fall and I kept wondering, what if I would have just got that off my chest and told him how I felt. It literally drove me nuts.... So one night I got on my computer and looked him up on his university website and wrote him an email.... I explained to him how much I liked him etc and how I was kinda too chicken to do anything about it... Surprisingly, He wrote me back......AND he remembered me. (mainly cuz of the after school activiities etc.) Anyways....he felt bad that I felt I couldn't approach him and said he felt really flattered. He also said that had I asked him out, he would have given me a chance... But seeing he was three states away and planning on staying there for 4 yrs and then going on to grad school for another 2.....there was really no way we could even start anything up. So, I left it at that.

Ok, so in a way I was relieved....and yet kinda mortified. Im sure he was kinda like wtf? But, anyways, it helped me move on. I saw him once or twice after that while he was home on break......and he was actually very friendly and said hi and all that. I still was shy as ever....but as time went on ......I eventually let it go... and dated other people that I actually felt comfortable enough around to talk to.

Keep in mind, this all happened 7 yrs ago already....and I have moved on....and life has definately changed since then....

Anyways, whatever you plan on doing.....I think you should get to the bottom of it. At least find out. I know it drove me nuts until I did.....and even though I regret not going for it while I could have had the chance in high school, Im glad I got that closure afterwards, even if i Did feel stupid afterwards in a way... And since then I realized that its worth that shot to find out whether I have a chance or not. At least then I know...
Good Luck!

[shygal]

Ellynn,

thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel I can relate to so much of it; except I'm not in high school; I'm older yet behaving like a twelve year old and her first crush. I find it impossible to look at him in the eyes too. And I think I'm subconsciously leaving this for the last moment (if by any miracle I do do it) because I'm thinking 'oh well, I won't see him anymore anyways'. Then again, why do I want to do this if I won't see him anymore?? It's almost as if I want it the easy way (though clearly, it ain't easy): I want to kiss a boy without going through the getting to know him and talk to him bit. It really is pathetic how strongs feelings can be for somebody you don't even talk much to. I'm aware that it could be because of an illusion (I see him as handsome, smart, funny) and in reality he might not be as impressive as I imagined him to be. Still, while you like somebody, you can't get that person out of your head and it is kind of exciting...though I am at the final stages where it's starting to make me depressed, for some reason. I'm depressed because he's not making any moves anymore. I just want to move on, the way you did but it's so hard when you think 'maybe I had a chance, but I blew it'.....

Like I said (how many times already) half of me is saying 'oh what the hell, just kiss him. You can still do random, stupid things like that' but the other half is absolutely insecure and now I'm starting to have second thoughts...maybe he doesn't even care. If he truly cared wouldn't he do absolutely anything to get me? And if he cared, why would he talk to another girl? Elynne, I know I have to get to the bottom of it; either try and approach him or get on with life. Thing is, which is better (or which is worse!!): doing something I am absolteuly terrified of (approaching him and oooh- TALKING to him) or let the next three weeks go by as usual and live with the 'what if' thoughts???

[Ellynn]

Heck, I know how you feel. I know you are older.....but I was 18 and acting like a 12 yr old too! I think I put him on a pedestal in my mind...and it just made him so intimidating. Like he was sooo great, but I felt like I never stood a chance.
And I had another situation like that after THAT situation ended. (When I was like 21.) But I actually did something about it. Yes, I kinda made a fool of myself, but then I found out. The next guy(when I was 21) wasn't into me like that. I mean yeah it made me depressed and mortified for awhile, but I got over it. And he was really nice about it and I ended up with another friend out of the situation.
It just helps having that Closure....either way.

If this guy seemed into you at one time..chances he thought that from you being so shy, that you weren't into him at all. So therefore he gave up. So if you take that chance...then at least you know. Living with wondering what if?..... SUCKS.
Plus, this will help you open up more.

I say, worst that can happen is that hes a jerk about it.....WHICH would make it that much easier to move on! If he's nice about it then maybe you have a shot at something.. If hes nice and isn't into you like that....Then maybe you'll have another friend out of the situation. If you think about it......its pretty much a win-win situation. The only way it won't be.....is if you let him go without at least getting some of your feelings out....

[dreamer101]

aww ladies! :-)

yes! go for it! Just do it just do it just do it! Carpe Diem! Carpe Diem! Carpe Diem!